Category: Books

  • Wandering

    My Texas trip came to a close with a visit to San Antonio, always one of my favorite cities.  My first day in town was occupied mostly with family visits, but my second day, my last day in Texas that wasn't a travel day, I reserved as a personal day, not that I did much.  Actually not doing much was the point.  I took a couple of walks along the riverwalk, one of several miles duration, Tikka wandered around the Pearl Farmer's Market and had brunch,  I visited a sculpture garden.

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    I sat on my balcony, overlooking the Riverwalk, and read a book. The photo above was taken in the very early morning however, before there was enough light for reading, but perfectly pleasant enough to sit with coffee and watch the runners go by.

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    I did take a few pictures here and there.  Bits that I found interesting.  I have a new phone, with a new camera and it was fun to play with it a little bit, although mostly my focus was not on picture-taking opportunities.  More likely I was just enjoying a beautiful day, breezy and cool with temperatures in the 60's. A perfect day for walking and letting one's thoughts meander.

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    The fall colors were lovely.

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    But, as per usual, I was also intrigued by human artifacts and influences.

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    Of course we humans always have an impact on our environment.

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    I continue to be fascinated by the play of light, structure, vegetation in the view from the river walk of the Tobin Center for the Arts.  I believe I took the same, or a very similar, photo on my last visit.

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    And there is always the question of whether what is good for us is also good for our world.  Sometimes we do better than others, sometimes we fail miserably, but hopefully we learn to live together.  Family visits are like that as well.  We start out with altruistic intentions, to see a loved one and support them, spend time with them.  But our wishes and desires often overrule our kinder instincts.  We want to see and support and bond with our families and friends, but we also want them to do and be the kind of people we want, do the things we want.  Family visits.  All that yearning and wanting and the stress of conflicting needs and desires can lead to both moments of stress and moments of kindness and empathy.

     

    I was reading Rebecca Kaufman's The Gunners, which I enjoyed, and which was, in many ways a good book to read over the course of a few days visiting family.  The book explores a friendship over many years, and a process of coming together, drifting apart, and reconnecting.  But it also discusses secrets, desires, things said and things not said and how they all influence our relationships, often the things not said having a greater influence than the things said as they allow imaginations, always tainted by an isolated solitary perspective, to run wild.  And yet…

     

    It is precisely there, in the "and yet" that all the possibilities coalesce, especially the possibility of love.

     

     

     

  • Books, Triple Denim, and Another Opera

    As I settle further into this current phase of semi-settled liminality, my reading has picked up a bit.

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    October saw a few more books pass through my hands.  The two non-fiction books, Momofuko Milk Bar and Devil in the Milk have prompted some changes in my way of thinking (yes, even a cookbook can do that) but those thoughts have not yet settled.  They may well surface at some future date.  

     

    Otherwise, not surprisingly, I read fiction. Phil Rickman's Merrily Watkins mysteries bookended the month.  The first of the two, A Crown of Lights, was not my favorite and I struggled, impatient with Merrily and the story.  But perhaps also I was mentally contrasting it with Anna Burns' Milkman, which I had already started.  There was no comparison in terms of prose and the contrast may have simply unsettled me.  I was hoping light diversion from the Burn's intense meanderings, and Rickman fell flat.  You can read my review of Milkman here, and my thoughts on Donal Ryan's beautiful From a Low and Quiet Sea, another Booker-nominated novel,  here

     

    By the end of the month I was ready to return to Rickman and I read The Cure of Souls, which I thoroughly enjoyed.  Perhaps I had simply distanced myself enough from poetically lyrical prose that I was ready to settle into the story, perhaps I also found story itself more appealing.  There continue to be times when I find the jumping around choppy, and Merrily continues to be someone about whom I simultaneously feel becomes more familiar while also being completely unknowable and unrevealed.  But I think that may be the point, and part of her strength, even though she does at times try my patience.  Anyway I will continue with this series, and there are moments when Rickman so perfectly taps into something about the faith experience, about the mixing of the psychic and the holy, the muddling of human ego and odd moments of clarity, of good an evil and what we perceive and more likely(and often) misperceive, that continue to draw me in.

    TripleDenim

    With the advent of transitional and autumnal weather I also made my first foray into double-denim, layering a chambray tunic over dark-wash jeans, although probably too late to be on trend.  Well, I've rarely been on trend with anything.  Obviously, it quickly became triple denim when I added my purse, which, now that I think of it means I've probably been doubling up on denim without even thinking about it.  When I bought the denim bag I wondered if I would wear it — now it seems to go everywhere except the dressiest of occasions.

     

    The denim bag even accompanied me to the opera last night, not that it was a particularly dressy opera.  I did wear my new velvet jeans, although, seeing as it was a rainy night and I feared I might traipse through mud, I wore them with my trusty blunnies.  Apparently I fit right in with the crowd.  

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    I was stunned by the performance, but I don't know how to write about an emotional opera about a self-indulgent madman, Nero, without descending into a self-indulgent morass.I will quote the brief description on the program:

     

    "Nero Monologues" is a one-woman pastiche opera.  The show journeys the inner workings of he notorious Roman emperor during his final hours.  The resulting work explores themes of abandonment, abuse, passion, sexual identity, love and power and comes together to paint a portrait of a damaged man; equal parts crazed artist and idealistic ruler.

     

    What immediately struck me was Sarah Toth's incredible emotional resonance.  Her diction was not always clear, but her ability to portray emotional content, even conflicting emotions through her voice and her movements wrapped this listener up in the experience. The interlayering of the music with alternating sung and spoken parts was evocative and very well done. The program notes had compared the Peter Learn's technique of layering music to Samuel Barber, and I could see that comparison.  The music, beautifully filled the role of inner voice, heard but not seen, as the musicians were in another room.  The composition itself was fascinating, at times very much touching on jazz and more contemporary atonal and minimalist forms and yet seamlessly mixing in passages by Handel and Monteverdi in order to build a complex emotionally-rich portrait..  For a moment even I was certain I heard a bit of Kurtág.  The relationship of Toth's performance to the musicians and the music seemed to embody an ongoing battle between emotion and reason, between madness and power, sanity and insanity.

     

    One moment that stands out for me in this immensely powerful performance occurred when Toth was singing Nero's lines from Monteverdi's Pur ti Miro. This duet, to my mind is one most beautiful love songs in the operatic repertoire,  becomes perverted, a song about one-sided obsession and fractured lust.  To me it spoke of the descent into insanity but also of the difference between relationship and obsession, and how what we might think of as simple, unrequited affection, can become warped in the mind, can lead into a dangerous path that is something else entirely.   The power of this piece is in its emotional content, the way it brings humanity to its subject, while at the same time bringing the receptive listener right up to that line that separates and protects  us from our darker inner impulses.  A lot of questions are opened here, about art, idealism, power, fear.  We don't necessarily need to see the answers, just trying to understand the questions may be a good start. I am happy I went. 

     

    Nero Monologue photo of Sarah Toth, from Marble City Opera, here.  There is also further information about the piece and a link to the poetry of Geoffrey Lehmann, a selection of which is used in the performance.

  • Four Good Things, And A Minor Upset

    I was a little under the weather last week.  A close encounter with gluten, a cat bite, achy joints and muscle fog, a course of antibiotics, and the confirmation that I will be in the apartment another six months. Everything piled up on me and I took it a little harder than I would have expected.  I was not really surprised by the delay.  I knew that the original schedule could not be maintained, was not being maintained, but even then, it was an idea that I acknowledged only partially.  And so, although not a shock, actual acknowledgement still felt like a minor upset, perhaps because I was already slightly out of sorts.  The extended timeline came smack up with my own sense of what can be tolerated temporarily and what needs to be changed in order for me to be comfortable for the long haul.  

     

    Hence the past week also became a week of sorting.  Of resettling, but also of reacquaintance with favorite things.

     

    I have been in the apartment long enough to know what is not really working. The "not" was hitting hard last week, and, being an over thinker and an over-organizer, I suppose this is not surprising.  I hadn't fully gotten myself settled before life got in the way and I allowed myself to get over-busy.  What is over-busy after all, when you are already an over-thinker, and perhaps an over-organizer?  Well, for someone like me, who tends toward too-muchness, who is often all in, or all out, they go hand in hand, busyness and organization, and when one is out of whack with the other, I flounder.  Last week, already feeling under the weather, I was flopping around a bit, like a fish out of water, gasping for air.  I often walk a fine line between my need for creativity and its attendant mess and my need for simplicity and organization.  Last week a line broke and needed to be restrung.

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    There were good things too of course.  

     

    1. I've been cooking.  I revisited a recipe from last spring, stuffed egg crepes, a kind of omelet filled with savory pork, topped here with some Acar Timun, a Javanese fresh pickle/salad.  The pickle was left over from the night before, the first time I'd had people over for dinner.  The brightness went well with the savoriness of the omelet, a kind of happy accident, a reminder of conversations and the sometimes surprising intersections of life.

     

    2. I went to the symphony last weekend.  I'll write more about that later.  I will go to the opera this weekend and I need to thank a friend for egging me on.  I love going to opera, the spectacle of it, the combination of staging plus music, but I don't often think to go.  I don't think of opera in terms of music, but I do enjoy the experience itself, and perhaps that is something I need to think about more.  

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    3. I read Donal Ryan's novel, From a Low and Quiet Sea, and it too, was about empathy (a theme this year in my Booker reading?  Are there themes in Booker selections?).  In this case the reader is drawn into the thoughts and experiments of three men, three men who are very different from each other, and very different from anything in my experience.  The writing is beautifully evocative, and I felt a sense of kindness toward these men, and a beginning of understanding of something that I would once have found off-putting.  Ryan brings connects us to the humanity of his characters through what is really a rather subtle, and often not particularly clear exploration.  Perhaps because there is but one author, although I think this is actually more intentional, there is a commonality amid the differences in the voices, as if delineating a thread of commonality that exists in all humanity, despite the often radical differences in the ways our lives take shape. In the end the three lives are brought together in an intersection that leaves as many questions as it does answers, and yet it feels complete. 

     

    4. I have started taking Tikka back to our neighborhood in the late afternoons.  It started as a happy accident, she was out with me for a ride while I picked up mail, and I noted how excited she was, leaping out of the car and dancing around her yard, eager to reacquaint herself with her neighborhood.  We started making a habit of it, and now she dances at the door when it becomes time for our afternoon car ride and walk. Once we arrive, she sets the direction and the pace.  I simply let her walk as much or as little as she desires.  I am finding that I enjoy these afternoon strolls, short or long, as much as I enjoy my own morning walks.  There is no agenda, no goal, simply time and place.

     

    These are important things:  Friends, family, place, food, music.  But although my house, and my neighborhood are home, this place has to be home as well, not just a packing container on the road of life.  And so it is time to finish settling in.  I remember moving in with George, oh so many decades ago, and asking him why a particular thing was stored a particular way even though it was, to my way of thinking at least, incredibly inconvenient.  His answer?  "That's where we put it the day we moved in, and so it just stayed there".  Nearly 35 years later I remain incredulous.  I can happily never rearrange things once they work,  but until then it is a process.  Or perhaps I just see my relationship with space as just that, a relationship; a relationship to space, to time, and perhaps just to life and where I am in that life in any given moment.  It is about not living your life waiting for the next stage but about being in this one.


     

  • Reflections after reading Anna Burn’s Milkman

    I have not been as diligent with my Booker readings this year as I had hoped; not as diligent as last year, where I actually read most, but not all of the books.  This year I have read only four, but I am nearly finished with a fifth.   I will read the remainder, at least the one's I have already purchased.  I have not, for the most part, regretted reading Booker nominees.

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    I was, nonetheless thrilled that Anna Burns' Milkman won the prize simply because I loved the book.  Although I finished it two weeks ago, it still fills my heart.  It is not a book I will soon forget.  It is a book I will pick up, and read again, even a passage here and there, because Anna Burns writing has made middle-sister's voice a voice I know, a voice that I will not soon forget, a voice that has joined the other voices that form my own story, friends, family, acquaintances, another one of the voices that guide us, occasionally stepping forward, in our own narratives of our lives.

     

    Admittedly I can't say that I recommend the book to everyone, even as I do exactly that. It is a slow meandering novel, a novel which encompasses only a few short weeks or months in linear time, but which also encompasses a life, the life of an 18 year old girl, and more, the life of a community.  It is not a novel for the impatient.  it is not a novel for the plot driven.  But if you are willing to slow down, to read a book as if you are listening to someone's story, in this case the story of middle-sister, told from age, but looking back with kindness and understanding, on her young self, a girl on the cusp of womanhood, if you are willing, I can only hope that this novel will fill your heart as it has filled mine.

     

    There are no names, or almost no names.  The story takes place in an unknown city in Northern Ireland in an unknown time, although there are very strong hints as to the when and where.  The only character who is named appears in the latter part of the novel and she is unique simply because she has managed to step outside of the overwhelming cultural imperative unscathed, or at least apparently unscathed to those still within.  

     

    Burns seems to me to capture that sense of being eighteen, of being ready to become an adult, and yet not quite.  Middle sister is trying to find her own path in a culture that she really does not like, really does not want to be a part of of.  She wants to simply drift by unnoticed.  But she is noticed and she is noticed in a time and place where being noticed, where being singled out, where being different, is a very dangerous place to find oneself.  I thought Burns' captured that sense of coming of age well.  Middle sister reminded me of my own eighteen-year old self.  The wisdom and the naiveté of it, that painful process of thinking oneself separate from one's own world, of thinking no one notices, of being shocked that people see you so differently than you see yourself, that sense of thinking you have survived something unscathed to only find that you have fallen directly into the trap you hoped to avoid.  

     

    Middle sister is a sharp and sensitive observer and narrator.  Through middle sister's story I cam to understand something in a new way because although the story is set in a time and place that is not a part of my experience, the process of telling of her experience, the process of reading this novel, brought that experience to me in a new way, a gentle way, but its gentleness was no less pointed.  This is a novel about love, about coming of age, about politics, oppression, feminism, family, individuality vs conformity, and the way our world shapes us without us even being realized that we are being shaped.  It is about the way fear and love can constrain us, can make us accept cruelties we would never otherwise accept, the way fear can blind us to truth, and the way truth itself is often unknowable, shaped by the stories we hear, the stories we chose to believe, often without even knowing that we are choosing.  Of course it has always been this way with human kind.  For all of our so-called advances, we are no different than we have ever been.  

     

    Although this is a story set in Northern Ireland at the time of the troubles, it is also a story for all of us.  It is a story about how we accept the world around us until that world constrains us to the point we do not even know we are being bent.  I do not live in Northern Ireland.  I live in a very different place, in a very different time.  But none of us are all that different. The difference here is a matter of degree.  We all listen to the stories, we all often tend to believe what we hear without checking the facts, we all, at least some of the time, trust the innuendo and the story more than the truth, and we do this often out of some sense of fear, even though we may not call it that — fear of being misunderstood, fear of being misperceived, fear of losing standing or community.  

     

    Milkman is not, despite its subject, a sad book.  As I said it is about love, and about the human spirit, a spirit that is sometimes crushed, but which often times, like the grass between the stepping stones continues to thrive despite everything.  It is meandering, the way my own inner conversations are often meandering.  It is a book filled with love and understanding, perhaps even wisdom, although it is not at all easy to read.  I found the writing poetic, but it also draws the reader into a world filled with claustrophobia, menace, oppression, paranoia and violence.  Through this book I began to feel what it might be like to live in a world where one is afraid to trust, where trust is dangerous, where the culture itself is so toxic that people are afraid to trust and believe each other, where trust is a cultural thing and one's survival depends on trusting those cultural narratives even above the words of those one loves.  This is frightening, and although we do not live in this world, I do not live in this world, I see how it can evolve, how it can take root and grow.  But as I said, for all of this pain, this is a novel written in a voice of kindness.  The writing, in its poetry, has an element of reconciliation in it, of forgiveness in it, of looking back with understanding, and it is this, this simultaneous capturing of pain and love, that elevates this book into my own personal list of great novels.  

     

    It is this very sense of understanding and kindness that really resonated with me, that connected me to this sense of a place I did not know, but also tied it into my own life.  For I live in a culture where information and stories are everywhere. I live in a culture that is becoming increasingly black and white, not just physically but intellectually and emotionally as well.  I live in a culture where stories circulate wildly and we all too often believe the story without checking the facts, where what we chose to believe shapes who we are.  And yet I also live in a world where most of the people I know want to be kind, want to live their lives unscathed, want merely to be loved.  We are not so different, middle sister's family and the people I love.  That is brilliance.  These people are not objects of a time and place different than myself and my friends, they are us, only their circumstances are different and if we cannot look on them with kindness, we cannot look upon ourselves with kindness either.  

     

    This is one of those stories, like Eve Ensler's Necessary Targets was for me, that takes the other and showed me myself and those I love.  Although Milkman is the far kinder and more hopeful of the two. We are all the same, only our circumstances define our differences.  

     

    If you can find a quiet time and place, if you can quell your own internal business for a bit, please read this book.  I am certain it will speak to each of us in different ways.  But I hope you love it as much as I do.

     

  • Five, mostly revolving around a recurring theme.

    Thursday

    The view of clouds coming out of my apartment Thursday evening on the way to a party.

    Candide

    A second trip to see Candide.  I was very tired the first time I went and although I thought, and still think, the production was fabulous, I appreciated the second act more the second time around.  The first time it just confounded me, but as I said I was tired.  The first act remains my favorite, probably because it is closest to the actual work.  The second half cherry-picks episodes and tells a completely different story than the last two-thirds of the book and although I appreciate the musical as entertainment, I think temperamentally, I much prefer Candide as Voltaire wrote it. I continue to be a person who does not want to be spoon-fed easy answers, even as entertainment.  I also confirmed that I still don't love the score.  I appreciate it more having seen the production, but it is not something I would sit and listen to.  Again, this is me, and I am aware that my opinions are in opposition to the mainstream. I have no regrets, and am happy that I made the effort to see the production again because I was able to relax and let go of my annoyance with the score and enjoy the performance itself.  This second viewing allowed me to concentrate more fully on the musicians themselves, the acting, the timing, the sets, all the things that made the performance magical.

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    New floor tiles for the front hall.  

     

    Ijams

    I went to a fund raiser for Ijams nature center last weekend.  The event is usually outdoors on the lawn but due to the threat of rain it was held in a series of connected tents, which proved wise.  I thought that the darkness in the tent and the lighting around the symphony was beautiful, as was the performance.  I've been to many symphonic performances in tents and the sound is often awful.  This was not.  When I could hear, the sound carried quite clearly.  Notice the word "when".  I could not hear the music initially, and in fact the orchestra was well into the first piece before I could tell they were playing. It rapidly became clear however that the issue was not the fault of the organizers, but with the audience itself.  Very few people in the second tent stopped talking throughout the first portion of the program, which focused on the classical repertoire:  Rossini, Beethoven, Haydn, and Copeland.  However, the instant that RB Morris began to sing all sound stopped.  You could have heard a pin drop.  Morris was excellent, and the sound of the orchestra in the final third of the concert, revolving mostly around popular show tunes, was beautifully done.  Yes, I sat peacefully and calmly through the overture to Candide.  Would that my fellow attendees had had the courtesy to do so during the initial portion of the program.

    Voltaire

    When I came home from my second performance of Candide, I picked up my (new) copy of the novel.  My older copy fell apart earlier this month.  I still have it in French as well, but my ability to read French has atrophied over the decades.  Enraptured, I stayed up far too late reading. The excesses of Candide are indeed ludicrous, but there is humanity in the story, and a wisdom about human nature, suffering,  and what is important in life that I felt was more of a gloss in the play.  

     

    And now I must go tend to my own garden.

     

     

     

  • Sweet. Bitter. Sad.

    When life is busy, tiring, frustrating, hectic, or just too much, I turn to fiction.  August was like that.  August was fiction month.

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    With the exception of one volume of short stories, I read novels in August.  The stories were by Caitlin Macy, whose novel, Mrs. I read in July.  Macy is an astute observer of a certain subset of the culture, of the striving, competitive, intellectual aspirational class, at least in its east-coast variation.  She captures the striving, the uncertainty, that combination of need, drive, and guilt, the petty jealousy of it as well.  Some of the stories resonated deeply with me, others not so much, but I could see how they lead to the novel, a novel which in a way was a series of linked short stories.

     

    When I was at my mom's I read the first three volumes of the Leafy Hollow Mysteries by Rickie Blair.  One of my tasks was to connect mom's nook to her new wireless network so she could read again, and the first novel in the series, From Garden to Grave, was the first book she downloaded.  As she read and laughed she mentioned that I should read it, and so I did.  It was a free offering on my kindle as well, and there was something nice about reading together.  But I read much faster, and although the novel was well enough written, it was not deep or difficult, and the characters are a bit simple and over the top.  I read the first two novels that afternoon, and enjoyed them, the way one enjoys a piece of cake, as a lovely wonderful, too sweet, but still enjoyable treat.  The next afternoon we were in the emergency room, and after I browsed through my stack of shelter magazines I downloaded the third volume, A Branch Too Far. It was interesting, light, silly and entertaining, just what I needed to rest my nerves and wandering thoughts.

     

    I had another book with me that afternoon in the ER, but didn't feel able to settle into it.  I might have wished I had Andrew Sean Greer's Less, which was a light, charming book, sweet and humorous but packing a fair amount of wisdom in its soft and gentle exploration of the mishaps in the adventures of one Arthur Less.  It is the kind of book I could read again when I needed a bit of cheering. I could read it again because I am simply the kind of reader who picks up books again and again, but also because it is the kind of book I love, a meandering exploration of character.  Obviously not for those who are looking for a fast-paced, plot driven novel.

     

    Instead I had Phil Rickman's second novel in the Merrily Watkins series with me.  I had read the first one, The Wine of Angels, early in the month and loved it.  This is not high fiction, and a fair portion of the characters and settings are not deeply explored, but I loved the self-doubting main character, Merrily Watkins, a fairly newly minted Episcopal priest, posted as the new vicar in a small town in Herefordshire, in the west of England, and soon to become a deliverance minister (not yet, not in the first book).  It is an interesting mix of things, a gentle study of the currents and whims of Episcopalians and the church, about the way we struggle with the pressures of modernity and tradition on many levels, and in many ways,  and a murder mystery with a hint of the occult, but mostly here it is an exploration of intuition and the unexplained, those borderlands between what we can touch and what we don't understand, and the ways we try to explain them. I like the way the book explores the thin spaces of spirituality, as well as Merrily's struggle with these places and her own intuition, the battle between intellect and spirituality, between science, superstition, and faith. I think the series looks promising; I'd like to grow with these characters, but again, this is not a novel for those who want action,  or those who want their answers served in black and white.

     

    Which leaves me with the two "big" novels.  I'll start with The Tin Drum, which I had never read, but which I had also assumed I would read since childhood.  My father had a copy and he encouraged me to read it more than once.  Having read it now, I think I am happy that I didn't read it in my teens as there is so much I would not have understood.  I am not convinced that I understand it now, but it is not a difficult novel to read. It is often laugh-out loud funny, but it is also deeply sarcastic and often very uncomfortable.  I completely believe that it might be considered one of the great novels of the 20th century, in any language, and I am glad to have finally read it.  I have a harder time telling you what I think about it because nothing I can say captures the complexity and power of the book and its wonderfully allegorical story.  What does keep popping into my mind, and I admit that this comparison may be a bit on the shallow side, is a line from Caitlin Macy's Mrs.:

    The truth was, people didn't want to go back in time to stop Hitler, they wanted to scoop up Manhattan real estate on the crazy cheap, see Dylan in a café, maybe.

     But Macy writes a much softer version, more attuned to our naive America sensibilities, where we don't really want to believe that humans are basically crass self-interested beings, or at least we want to pretend like we don't believe that.  The truth is that most people, most of us, are more concerned with our own immediate needs and wants than the grand issues of the world; most of us in crisis think only of what we need to protect for ourselves.  We grow outraged from the safety of our own security, we will fight if the fight doesn't inconvenience us, or endanger us too much.  The truth is that at some level we all want to be Oskar Matzerath, eternally 3 years old, eternally getting what we want and making the world pay for not giving it to us.  But eventually we learn that 3 year-olds are not taken seriously and we adapt, eventually we are forced to grow up, as Oskar decides to grow up, even though it almost kills him.  The process of growing up does that, it destroys some part of our essential self, and we too have humps, scars, burdens, deep buried secrets that deform us.  If we survive we might also find art, find beauty, but no matter what course we take, the blind cook, death, awaits us all.  This is a powerful, even beautiful novel, it is also simultaneously a fun and a brutal read.  I will read it again.

     

    It strikes me that the books I will save and read again can be either light and silly, or profound and enlightening, difficult even.  I make no apologies for that, we are each of us a complex blending of the self we were born to be and the experiences and cultures that have shaped us.   Perhaps that is why people's collections can be so interesting, but often it is the why that makes them interesting more than the what.

     

    One book I will not read again is The Water Cure.  I emoted about it extensively here.  It is beautifully written, and as a first novel, it is absolutely stunning.  I will look for Sophie Mackintosh's next novel.  But as powerful as the novel was, I felt let down by it in the end.  I felt deceived and used, subjected to a promise, an emotional wrenching even, without closure, or any further understanding or empathetic growth.  I went in to it expecting to love it and instead the novel left me with overwhelming sadness and no recompense.

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    This was not because the book was sad, or even that there were no happy answers.   I have just finished reading Rachel Kushner's The Mars Room, which I got from the local library.  I expected to dislike this book.  I had not intended to read it until it appeared on the Booker list.  And yet, although it is unquestioningly bleak, I did not find it depressing. I loved it.  I loved the voices of the characters, I don't particularly want to meet them, become besties, but Kushner's writing was successful in building empathy, in bringing outrage and understanding and some insight into lives that are totally different from the lives of most of the readers of this book, different from the lives most of us can even imagine.  I was touched, outraged, sad.  Yes probably manipulated as well, but mostly I felt like I was beginning to see something differently than I had been able to see it before.  Yes Romy Hall's life is bleak.  The terrible truth was that it was always bleak, the lives of most of the characters in this novel were bleak and imprisoned before they even committed a crime, and this is what I think Kushner portrays so successfully.   But I would also be naive to think that some of my perceptions of this book were not partially shaped by my having just finished reading both Mackintosh and Grass,  

     

    What I don't understand, and perhaps there is no need, is why some books make me feel inspired, touched, enlightened even, while those same books might bore a friend to tears, or make another feel manipulated, as I felt manipulated by The Water Cure.  There are books among my all-time favorites that are abhorred by friends, and vice-versa.   I am intrigued by this, by the complex multi-faceted ways we experience and are shaped by the world, and by the ways the world speaks to us.  Increasingly it is the discussions about the ways things affect us, or do not, that I find interesting.  I am reminded that CS Lewis said something along the lines of "there are no good or bad books, only good and bad readers".  I don't have the book with me in the apartment, so I am not certain of the quote, but I generally agree, at least to a point.  I admire anyone who can write a book and get it published.    I'm not even sure I see being a bad reader as a particular criticism.  We are all bad readers at times.  We all bring biases and expectations into everything we do.  Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, we may not be the right reader for a book, but that doesn't mean that there aren't people who love that book, whose lives are changed.  Reading is a relationship.  Writing, be it a letter, a blog, or a book, is also about relationship.  Would that we could all learn to share our opinions, explore our differences, and find even new respect in the world.  Books can help us open doors.  Let's keep them open.

  • Catching up with June Books

     I read more books in June than I have read in the two months since, not that this is a contest or anything.  But I promised an accounting, and so it seems I should get to it, if for no other reason than I will be annoyed with myself if I don't.  

    JuneBooks

    Actually, the first three books were finished in June, but none of them were completely read that month.  I'd been working my way through
    Introduction to the Hebrew Bible and Introducing the New Testament since October, as they were primary texts for members of the EFM group I was mentoring and My Neighbor's Faith, was the last text for the the fourth year portion of the group. This was my second reading for each of the books.

     

    Working down from the top left corner of the collage, the next layer consists of non-fiction.  I found Bryan Caplan's The Case Against Education and Deborah Davis' Strapless fascinating. I don't have to agree with the author to enjoy a book, or to find it edifying, although both authors engaged in some interesting and enlightening analysis.  Crow Country was charming and I would have found it engaging had I not leaned that I really have little to no interest in corvids.  In fact, Crow Country and Kristin Hannah's The Great Alone were my least favorite books of the month; the former because, well, crows, and the latter simply because I found it too predictable for my peripatetic brain.

     

    My favorite novel was Warlight.  I wrote about it, along with Little Fires Everywhere and The Immortalists, here,  I thoroughly enjoyed The President is Missing, even though I am not usually James Patterson's target audience and Lisa Halliday's Asymmetry surprised me with its depth. I wish I had written something about it.  This was the first time I had read anything by James Lee Burke, whose prose built a powerful sense of place,  but although I felt the characters had potential, I was not convinced I was interested in continuing to build a rapport beyond that first weekend's read. 

     

    So a good month, with books for every mood in which this reader happened to find herself. 

     

  • Musings on Sophie Macintosh’s novel: The Water Cure

    Two more Booker-listed novels have arrived on my pile: one I ordered and the other is from the library so that one will have to jump to the top of my list forthwith.  In the meantime, I have read only one of that first trio of books, Sophie Mackintosh's The Water Cure and honestly I'm not quite sure what I think.  I hoping some clarity will be revealed as I write but I also realize that is a somewhat tenuous platform on which to begin a book post.

     

    I had read about the book before the Booker longest came out, so it was there floating somewhere on the horizons of my mind and I recognized those early reviews when I started reading the book.  The phrase feminist dystopia, and comparisons to Margaret Atwood are bandied about;  and I had read that the novel tells the story of three girls whose parents have fled society after some terrible disease or plague and are raising their girls separately, to protect them.  But in the end I felt all these vague reassurances are more about selling the book than the book itself.  Yes it is the story of three women, and yes their parents have raised them in isolation, but everything else is in question. In that sense the novel is a psychologically suspenseful mystery, but also one that, unfortunately, can come to no good end.  I suppose I see shades of dystopia in the book, since the book is about a community that is slowly revealed to be truly frightening, but this community is a family, perhaps was once a cult, but that aspect seems to be in the past, and I certainly see nothing I want to call feminist in this novel; in fact I am not sure feminism is the author's intention at all. 

     

    This is a novel that lured this reader in with gorgeous, often lyrical, and sometimes hypnotic prose.  As it is told from the perspective of the three women, the voices vary, and the perspectives are sometimes confusing.  It is a story that both draws you in and leaves you oddly disquieted, simultaneously entrancing and disturbing.  

     

    As I mentioned earlier, the novel is told from the perspective of the three sisters:  Grace, Lia, and Skye, mostly from the perspective of Lia, and very little is heard from Skye until near the end. I suppose in a sense the girls represent the three elements:  Grace, earth, solid but also unyielding.  She is angry, bitter, withdrawn, and at times rock hard, and almost flat in her affect, she has built a steely resolve around herself, a resolve that does not want to be broached.  She is also pregnant. She of all the women in this book frightens me the most, and yet in the end, when she reveals herself far more fully, when her reserve is finally fractured and she explodes, like a volcano rising from what appeared to be an otherwise placid plain, my heart broke.

     

    Lia, water, is the most emotional, and her emotional life is often out of control.  She has endured years of abuse, all the girls have, to rid her of her emotions, but it has not taken, and yet she has therefore also never learned to control them, never learned what love is or isn't never really learned how to relate to people as people.  Of course not.  Who has she ever related to but her parents and her sisters?  In some ways Lia makes me incredibly sad, her words are full of longing and one senses that she wants nothing but love, to be held and cuddled.  She is desperate for love, and she would do anything for it.  But love has always been something that is doled out piecemeal to those who obey and submit.  Lia obeys and submits, but she is not broken in the obvious way that Grace is broken, her willingness to submit is a form of defiance, and she never quite finds the love she seeks.  She will go further, do anything, if she thinks it will mean she will get love in return, but she doesn't really know what that means.  Because she is constantly denied the affection she craves, she becomes more daring, more desperate, and therefore far more dangerous. Like water she can be calm and placid, but she can also be a raging storm or a tidal wave. She struggles with why she cannot control her emotions, yet she doesn't understand  anything about them, she is simply an uncontrollable emotional force.  Skye is the youngest, the most ethereal, and yes, you guessed it, the air.  She is referred to the most obliquely, until the end, when much is revealed and things fall in place.

     

    But here is the thing that I struggle with.  We are told that the family has fled a great illness, that people waste away, and they have created a healing space where people come to be cured.  But it is slowly revealed that the "cures" are really tortures, and the precautions the girls are taught have nothing to do with reality, with really preventing disease.  They are rituals yes, often brutal rituals.  But wrapping oneself in muslin, scattering salt, forced near drowning and suffocation, slicing the air with a knife, these things will not protect you from actual disease.  Slowly it is revealed that the family is a cult.   Yes they have fled a terrible reality, but one wonders if it is a reality that far removed from our own, or if instead people have internalized fear and anger and rage to a greater idea than we like to admit. The women who are shrinking and dying have not caught some contagious disease, but it is their fear that is eating them alive.  It is as if the author has glommed onto the underbelly of our discontent of the fear and anger in society and wondered what would happen if our fear manifest itself physically as disease and death?  There are hints throughout the book that the outside world is not so much devastated, no so different from our own.

     

    Slowly it is revealed that these three girls have been removed from society to grow up in their own patriarchal cult.  The father, called King, is obviously the head, although it seems to be the mother who is the most sadistic, who does most of the dirty work of forcing the girls through rituals that come dangerously close to torture.  The girls, who think they are growing up to be strong, are strangely broken, and really incapable of living with other people.  They are also weak, malnourished, with rotting teeth, the opposite of resilient, completely dependent on an artificial structure, and, unfortunately, on continued self negation and torture.  

     

    They are women, not girls. Skye, we learn, is 18, although she seems to behave as one much younger..  One wonders if there would have been hope for her, but the others, Lia and Grace, at  28 and 30, are probably too old to escape their pasts.  In the end, a brutal end, they escape with Skye.  There probably is no real hope for them other than escape; if their parents fled the world in horror to "protect" them, they must now avoid the world, because in the eyes of the world they have become horror themselves even though they had no control in their making, or unmaking. Like much of the book, there have been hints all along, hints the world is not what they think, hints that this place is not what they think, the these girls are not who we think.  Grace remembers coming to the island, which is not an island after all, when she was 2 and Lia a baby.  Grace tells us that Sky is 14 years younger than herself.  We might think Skye, playing childishly is still quite young, but Lia tells us early on that it has been years since Skye has grown.  The hints are there, like a hidden reality, floating beneath the surface.  Secrets waiting to be unmasked.

     

    I think the thing that bothers me the most is that there is no  resolution here.  The men come; but they are shadow men.  This is not surprising because the story is told from the perspective of the sisters, and they have no concept of men except as a shadow-thing. The ending is really not surprising if one has been paying attention, but it is profoundly sad.  I did not find it disturbing because it is sad; I found it disturbing because its sadness is so open-ended, as if there is no hope from dependence and destruction. It is disturbing because it reminds us how much we are shaped by our environments, the women who come to the cult hotel to be healed, believe they are damaged by their weakness and fear, and so they are.  The girls who grow up in the cult are damaged even though they may believe themselves to be strong, when their weakness is revealed they have no place to escape. The women who come to be healed are damaged because they internalize their fear, believe themselves to be weak.  Everyone in this novel is shaped by what they believe their world expects them to be.  There is no self-actualization here, And in this world, where one believes because one is told what to believe, without question, without the ability to trust one's own perspectives and experience, without the knowledge that one can be strong in and of oneself, there is nothing but sadness and despair. 

     

    I suppose I haven't written a review that would encourage anyone to read this book.  Yet I do not regret reading it.  I do recommend it, but only if one is aware of what one is getting into.  Sophie Macintosh seems to be trying to say something important here, and I applaud the Booker committee for recognizing this.  She doesn't quite pull it off.  But the novel definitely made me think,   I'm not sure we can ever stop crazy people from running off and torturing their children, would that we could, but we we do really need to think about the harm we do to others in our various stereotypes and expectations.  Although in a way the idea of stress causing disease and wasting seems far-fetched, I am not sure it is as far-fetched is it sounds.  Perhaps I am giving Macintosh credit for being more dystopian than I originally realized, and perhaps even being feminist through an anti-feminist sort of metaphor, reminding us of the dangers of blind neglect, of acceptance of the status quo, of complacency.  Perhaps I am thinking that we are really a long way from accepting each other for who and what we are, as individuals and as fellow humans on a shared path.  Perhaps it is time to think about all of that.

     

     

  • The “Old” Neighborhood

    The last couple of mornings I've walked around my neighborhood, my old neighborhood, the place I call home.  In fact, it feels odd to call it my old neighborhood because I feel like I still live there, it is home in a way that the apartment complex really is not, even though I am perfectly comfortably settling in to my temporary location.  Perhaps that is the key, that I know where I reside at the moment is temporary, and my heart is still in my home.

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    In fact, I assumed I would come back and walk around my neighborhood, although I did not really manage it most of the first week.  There were reasons for this of course:  the frustrations of establishing a new routine, the trials of unpacking and not finding things, the general principle that I dislike the idea of driving somewhere just to walk. However it has dawned on me that some principles are just pig-headedness, at least some of the time, and although the apartment complex is large, and is nicely planted with miles of sidewalks, it is a functional but completely uninspiring place to walk.  I can listen to a book on tape, but then I miss the early morning conversation that I have with the world when I walk in my home neighborhood.  Rather than a centering experience, walking around the apartment complex simply feels like exercise, another task to be completed, and although I need exercise, what I am interested in my morning walk is both movement and a spiritual centering, a centering that can occur in my neighborhood, but does not in the concrete world of parking lots and apartment buildings.

     

    When I walk around my streets, and it is easy to walk anywhere from a couple of miles to several, I slow down, I listen to the early morning, I greet the plants and watch the birds, the rabbits, the occasional deer or fox.  I am present, fully present  in a way that I am not in the acres of concrete.  I notice tiny things.  They are not necessarily unusual things, but that is not the point.  My soul calms and slows, even if I am puffing up a hill, and my awareness picks up thing that I would miss in the hustle and hurry of modern American life.

     

    It is a mile away, as the crow flies, and yet I feel like it is a different world.

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    There is a large park near me as well, with a walking trail, and I've gone there a couple of times, but it is often more populated even in the early morning.  I am more distracted when I walk there, and it all urban-nature, shaped by man, not at all like wild nature.  The park is neither wild, nor lived in, and to me it seems more detached and impersonal, not wild, and yet not a habited place. Nature-nature and civilized nature feel different, just as I feel different at Lakeshore Park, than I do in my home neighborhood.  The latter is home, a little more intentionally planted, but the difference is really not so great, and the comfort in the space is palpable, at least for me.  We all seek and bring different perspectives to our activities, and there is a place for each, what is best for one does not have to best for all.  Actually, it has been a while since I've gotten outside — outside the city — to a different kind of nature, and it is time to do so again, but I count that as different from the immediacy of my morning routine, my morning walk.

     

    Tikka also enjoys going home.  We went for a ride, went by the house, and when we pulled onto our street she perked up, started looking eagerly out the window, growing visibly more excited as we reached our driveway.  She was eager to jump out of the car, eager to go inside, dancing around, displaying her inner puppy self, not her often calm 8 or 9 hear old self.  She ran into the house and ran around, checking out the rooms; even empty, they were still hers.  We went out the front door and she could hardly contain herself, eager to go piddle in her own front yard, eager to go for a walk around her block, to sniff the old familiar smells.  It reminded me of the way I used to feel when when George and I returned from a trip and we crossed the Hudson River on the way to our house from the airport, as if the air changes, and you are suddenly home.  It is a feeling I still experience, or I have experienced again since I moved into this house, just as I accept that in a certain way the condo on Maple Branch was never completely home to me, much as I tried to make it so.

     

    This is not to say I am at all unhappy here.  I am fairly content, I am becoming more and more settled.  My neighbors are nice.  I will have people over soon. But this remains a temporary landing pad; it is not my home.  Today I will finish unpacking books in the living room, the books I chose to bring with me, the books I decided I would or should read, as if I could anticipate what I would want to read.  But limitations and constraints are also good, and I am determined to read those books, at least some of those books. A few new books have also arrived — the first of the Booker longlist — a couple of which are available through my local library system, but most of which I must buy.  I've started The Water Cure, but I am not far into it yet and cannot judge.  The writing is poetic and lyrical, but the book also seems somewhat hallucinogenic, with a distinctly disturbing undercurrent despite its lyricism.  I am drawn in and enjoying it, but so far have trouble connecting what I am reading to the blurbs on the back of the book.

    BookerFirst

    Unpacking.  Walking.  This is farmer's market Saturday and I love wandering around, the joy of the experience.  I've been cooking and have actually cooked, using up last week's haul.  Some time with family.   A swim. Perhaps I will get pictures up on the walls.  Perhaps a stroll along one of the nearby nature trails. It seems like a weekend full of promise, and I hope your weekend plans and hopes are promising indeed.

     

     

     

  • Book, Book, Book

    Time for a book update. I had been thinking that all I wrote about was books, but it isn't quite true. I had been thinking that all I thought about was books, which may have been slightly more correct, but mostly I thought about books I want to read (Booker longlist) and moving books.  When it came to actual reading, July was very light.

    July

     

    Three books.  Three very different books, but I enjoyed every one of them. 

     

    I've discovered something else as well.  Remember how, in the last post, I stated I would surely discover something that should have been brought to the apartment but got stored instead?  Well I stored all my journals, including my reading journal, up to the most current (new) one, and most of my notes, the passages I copied out, are in storage.  I shall have to rely on memory.

     

    Mohsin Hamid:  How to Get Filthy Rich in Rising Asia.. I loved Exit West, and thought it would be good to read some of Hamid's earlier work.  When I saw this at McKay's books, I snapped it up.  Obviously the same author, writing about one thing, while pretending to write about another.  The book is very witty, at times sarcastic, and very wise, and I can see how it could be off-putting to some.  It is written under the pretext of being a self-help book, but it never quite achieves that goal, nor is it meant to, it is a parody of a self-help book.  There are no proper nouns in the book, and two parallel narratives. The protagonist, "you" is both the narrator, who rises from poverty to great wealth, and the reader.  The other main character, the "Pretty Girl" runs a parallel but different course. The book appears to be about how to achieve great success, but it is actually about the way achieving success and the path to that achievement corrupts us, and what is lost in the end.  Although the books take place in Asia, in a world that appears quite corrupt, and we in more developed western countries may think it does not apply to us, Hamid's lessons are universal in that the pursuit of power corrupts, and money is also power, but what the heart really wants is to love and be loved. In the end it is a love story, a love story in a time of seismic social change, and this reader found herself in tears.  

     

    Deborah Levy: Hot Milk.   Deborah Levy's Hot Milk was short-listed for the Booker a couple of years ago but I just now got to it.  I enjoyed the novel, but I think there is a lot I didn't get, a lot going on beneath the surface.  I can see how it is the kind of novel that people who dislike literary novels would despise.   Half-Greek British girl goes to Spain with her disabled, controlling, hypochondriac confabulist of a mother.  The prose is vivid, and sometimes hallucinatory.  It does not tell the story directly.  But it is still a great novel, about coming of age, about what we gain, but also what we lose, when we unloose chains.  Through beautiful and often intensely metaphoric prose riddled with parallels to Greek Tragedy the author throws in Brexit,  economic disaster, a warm Spanish paradise that is a horror of toxic waste, sexual freedom, dependence and independence.  A lot is made of the themes of those who serve only themselves, vs those who serve others, male and female, and the dangers and traps in both extremes.  I found the novel to be at times cryptically elusive and yet easy reading and entertaining, often even quite funny. I could read it again. Perhaps I should read it again.  But I probably won't.

     

    Caitlin Macy: Mrs.  If I picked up this novel in a bookstore I would probably think of it as one of those quick reads about the imperious and overly arrogant one-percenters who are due for a fall, and I am certain there are readers who chose this book for that reason.  They would be disappointed, because there is very little action and no really shocking upset.  I read it slowly and thoroughly enjoyed it.  I think the writing rewards attention, as the author is deft at subtle detail, the kind of thing you would miss if you were skimming through quickly. The beauty of the book would be lost. Yes it is about the one-percenters, parents of children in an exclusive pre-school in Manhattan, and yes there is some cultural upheaval.  But the book is more than that.  It is a satire, but a satire with an undercurrent of humanity.  The story is almost an illusion.  What is important here is the characters, and the stories they tell themselves, both the primary characters, and those in the backdrop, deployed here as a kind of chorus.  Actually, although the story occurs in a specific socio-economic setting, the characters, and aspects of their mores and their behaviors, their assumptions about each other, can be found in any place, in any group.  Perhaps I have a soft spot for the  book because I have known too many women like these women, but I suspect we all have, if we allow ourselves to look beyond the superficialities.  The settings may be different, the level of privilege, but we are not so different.  Macy is a deft observer of humanity, and she tells the story through the voices of her characters, interleaving their stories and their perspectives.  Each character is portrayed tenderly, with understanding, and yet also witheringly.  Each character, in telling the story, reveals themselves inadvertently, showing that weakness or darkness that is meant to remain hidden, often even from themselves, with a subtle turn of phrase.  I found this to be great satire because it slips in so quietly, catches one by surprise, if one is paying attention, and therefore hits directly like a needle to the heart.  It was an enjoyable read, with some really great lines and a few truths.  

     

    I don't know what August will bring, reading-wise.  I don't have any of the Booker novels yet, so I can't make predictions about what I will or will not read.  I will however, look back, and come up with a list of the books I read in June.  Leave no rock unturned, after all.