Where have I been?

Nowhere.  Here.

What have I been doing?

Everything.  Nothing.

Or at least that is how it seems to me.  I've been busy doing many things that all seem to be the perfect things to be doing at the time I am doing them, and yet I have nothing in particular to show for these things.  Not that having something to show is necessarily what life is about.  But still there are blogs, mine to write, others to read:  so much to say and see and do, and still life sits there either being lived or waiting to be lived.  I'm all for the living.

And so I am living it.  And for me that means I am doing a lot of things.  Planning various things that need done, I like schedules and charts and research.  I like lists.  I've been reading and knitting and cooking.  I've been cooking up a storm, making stock and cheese and just cooking the three meals a day that we seem to need to have on the table.  I suppose we always eat, and I always manage to get meals on the table but sometimes I cook more, experiment more, sometimes I just get meals on the table.  I have fun with this.  I can't imagine not doing it, just as I can't imagine not sewing.

Sewing.  That is what this blog is supposed to be about isn't it? Well yes.  And the distractions from sewing, the things sewing distracts me from.  

I've been working with my muslins, working on them a little here and there.  Don't think I have tons of muslins lined up and garments will just roll out, they will, but I'm not there quite yet.  I've been working a little bit but mostly I've just ben absorbing the process, working on things and wrapping my head around what they really mean.  And I have not been subjecting you to the small variations and details that I play with, but the results will eventually be apparent, or at least I hope they will.  They are already starting to show up in my knitting. 

I seem to have needed

 a long time to just flounder about, wondering what I wanted, wondering which shelf or box I had placed put my true "self" in when I got busy taking care of other things that were more important.  When those other things settled themselves down again, I found that I wasn't quite ready to put myself back together, or I was but I didn't remember how to do it.  And somehow I opened the right box and there I was.

Hello self.

I'm comfortable in my skin again.  It is not weight, although I am losing weight and am back at a weight where I feel more  comfortable with myself.  I'm growing my hair out again. I am exercising every day and that takes a big chunk of time. Somehow, amidst all this, I've rediscovered my old sense of style, rediscovered that I do have a sense of style, discovered that I don't have to look for it, struggle over it, fret and ponder.  It is just there.  Where did I lose that knowlede?  

I'm glad to have it back.  It is very calming. 

What I want now is a plan.  

I remember now:  I do love clothes.  But I want the clothes I want to wear.  And I want to sew the things I want to wear, not sew something just to sew something.  Some of the things I want to wear and sew are simple, some are not.  Some of the things I want to wear I will not sew.  That is OK too.  

And the days are just all too short.