Restingmotion

  • Eyes Wide Open

    I raised the shades the other day and I've been enchanted with the light and the view ever since. (pardon my inadequate late-afternoon cell-phone photo.)  Its not that there is anything particularly lovely outside (there is not) but just that Ilike the light, and the fact that the shades are up and the house is open rather than shaded.

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    The windows in this room, and the screened in porch beyond it, were one of the things that sold me on this particular house but for the last year, the blinds have been primarily kept closed.  George grew so he hated the feeling of the sun on his skin, and became increasingly paranoid about being in the light so we installed blinds, not opaque blinds, translucent ones, and the light was always filtered.  Granted, George would sit in the brightest corner, a point from which he could see everything going on in the house around him, that same bright corner currently occupied by the caramel-colored barrel chair.  That corner was formerly occupied by George's reclining chair (photo here), which he called the elephant, and which I had to remove as its presence became something of an elephant in the room after his death, where it seemed concentrate all the emptyness and lonliness of the house.

    The elephant chair, and the closed blinds, were, in some ways, physical representations or symbols of the closing in of George's world, the way the world as a whole was falling away and the present was becoming smaller and smaller.  I recognized the need to eliminate the elephant immediately, although it took me a few days to find the right arrangement of furniture to fill the void left by its absense.  And yet, it did not occur to me to open the windows until last week.  I simply floated around in that filtered light, cocooned until it occurred to me that the goal was not to fold myself inward, but to open my eyes and look outward.  It was time to let in the light.

    Now, I love to sit in that corner in the afternoon with a cup of tea and the mail, reveling in the light, often with a cat on my lap.  Sometimes while I sit I think how happy I am, sitting in this corner in this chair, and I recall, with some amusement, that these two chairs barely made it from New York.  I wanted to leave them behind and was talked into keeping them at the last minute.  Once here, they didn't seem to fit anywhere and I was constantly fretting with them and shifting them hither and yon, until now, where they seem to have found the perfect spot.  

    How much of our move has followed this same pattern? Indeed, is this not true of much of life?  We are always moving forward, and yet we try to shape the world to our preconceived notions of what we think we want.  And yet past experience is not necessarily predictive of the shape of future events.  Different places, different people, different interactions, allow the light to reflect off different facets of our complex and multi-faceted personalities.  As we grow in experience we can allow ourselves to be open to the new, to let go of expectation.

     

    At least this is what I hope.  I'm still working on that one.  I tend to be the fruit that clings to the tree, and yet I don't want to cling until I am too soft to bounce once I do fall. 

  • The little matchbox girl grows up.

    6402303Once there was a girl who liked to build furniture for her Barbie dolls.  She started with match boxes but then her repetoire grew and included all kinds of bits and pieces from around the house, including empty thread spools and scraps of fabric.  She started counting her pennies and saving bits of her allowance to go peruse the aisles of the local art store, as well as the Ben Franklin, where her head would be filled with dreams and she would find many treasures.

     


    Screen Shot 2013-07-17 at 10.20.35 AMAnd then she grew up and went to college, met a man, fell in love and got married.  But the husband came with a house, a house imbued with the history of a family lost.  The old, the dated, even the broken and nonfunctional was caught up in this dysfunctional history, a history that, she was to learn, was long and convuluted.

     


    BIL_CRYSBALLThat girl, a woman now, was me, of course.  And for a long time that little girl who built matchbox furniture was lost to me.  But the story of how she was lost, for how long, and why is another story, not the story I wish to tell today.  Today I am simply happy because she is back.

     

    However the world has changed and I am no longer playing with matchboxes.  Rather, realizing that I was floundering somewhat, and didn't quite know what I was looking for, much less where to start, I been virtually shopping on the world wide web and gathering my ideas on Pinterest.  Internet-shopping and pinning was a great way to pass the downtime while I was in Dallas at my mom's for a couple of weeks, and it also helped me to focus, both in a broad general sense, in terms of what appeals to me now, and eventually in a more focused way in terms of what I want to do with the house in Moss Creek and where to look when I actually start shopping.  I'm not the worlds busiest pinner.  And the way I look at the world, and the things in it, is very context driven, but I still can't say that my style fits in any particular category.  

    8WnXO7TnvJOvIHD1July is my play-time month. I seem to be traveling half the month and running around the other half with little time to work on projects.  But I do have fantasy time and this play time is helping me refine ideas and organize what I need to do next.  I don't quite know what the results will be the process is a lot of fun.

     

    Photo Credits:
    1. Diamond Match box from menards.com.

    2. Holland and Co. Dandy Console from Lee Jofa.

    3. Crystal Ball Pendant Light from Circa Antiques.

     4. Table by Jeff Johnson. 

     

    You knew I'd have to throw something modern in the mix, didn't you? I'm just ornery that way sometimes.  Too much homogeneity dampens the spirit.

  • Solace


    This paragraph, from yesterday's Wall Street Journal, resonates:

     

    "The literary classics are a haven for that part of us that broods over mortal bewilderments, over suffering and death and fleeting happiness.  They are a refuge for our secret self that wishes to contemplate the precious singularity of our physical world, that seeks out the expression of feelings too prismatic for rational articulation.  They are places of quiet, useless stillness in a world that despises any activity that is not profitable or productive."

    — Lee Siegel "Who Ruined the Humanities", WSJ, July 13-14, 2013

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  • The Return of the Bicycle Book

    Light fiction or non-fiction has, it seems, always been a part of my life, although not employed, as had been the case more recently, as a form of escapist or self-consoling diversion.  For many years I read light fiction at the gym, while pedalling away on an exercise bike, as a diversion, something to alleviate the boredom of the task at hand.

     

    Recently I have been reading bicycle books again, or occasionally listening, but the purpose is the same and the requirements are similar, I am resurrecting the term, at least for my own use.  The requirements are simple:  there must be some kid of plot or narrative that keeps me moving, the writing must be light or brisk but it cannot be so beautiful that I want to stop and savour the language, nor can the information be particularly thought provoking, because I will stop and ponder, and stopping is particularly beside the point.

     

    51jEMmks2xL._SY346_PJlook-inside-v2,TopRight,1,0_SH20_Several of the Cobbled Court series of novels I read recently were "bicycle books" in that I actually read them on an exercise bike.   One of the local fitness centers sent me a pass for a promotional one week membership, free of charge, in hopes that I would join and I took advantage, although I primarily just used the exercise bicycle and did a few stretches.  Considering the number of rainy days we've had, that exercise bicycle proved quite useful, and I am now considering purchasing one, or purchasing a stand for my bike, rather than joining an actual gym.  I'd still rather be outside when possible.

     

    But back to reading:  These novels worked well on the bike, as they move quickly and are engaging.  Although there were times when I wanted to keep reading after my exercise session, I managed to put them aside, and since these particular novels were short, I knew I could finish them in the next day or two (about 2 to 2 1/2 hours reading time).  They were a good reintroduction to bicycle reading and I will probably soon build up to longer books or novels (I read James Clavell's Shogun on the bike.)

     

    But when it is nice out I am walking.  I can't read a book when I walk, but I can listen to one and this has been a revelation to me.  Previously, although I could read on the bike, I could not read while walking on the treadmill.  This ability to read while walking on the treadmill was something I always admired about George.  He would get on the treadmill, crank up the grade until it was quite steep, put his New Yorker or Economist on the stand and start reading and walking.  I couldn't do it.  I would always stop.  I listened to music, not soul-soothing music, usually something danceable, often disco.

     

    I listened to audiobooks, usually when I was working in the garden, knitting,  or cleaning house, in settings where I could stop and ponder if I wished.  It didn't occur to me that there might be an audiobook equivalent of a bicyle book because, well, bicycle books were something I actually read while sitting on a bicycle, and, being a fast reader, I needed a tremendous supply.

     

    And then I moved to Knoxville and started walking outdoors, in my neighborhood.  It is a lovely neighborhood, and a safe place to walk, but I am not exactly communing with nature.  I need a distraction.  Enter the audiobook.  The pace of audiobook "reading" is slower but the requirements for listening while walking are similar to the requirements of reading while biking: there must be a narrative, the reading must flow easily.  Fiction is good, but once again, not the kind of fiction that makes we want to stop and reflect. Popular non-fiction such as current events, biography, or poplular science can also be good, as long as there is not too much hard science involved. 

     

    453231Sometimes I am surprised.  Of the three books on my current reading list, only one is a bicycle book. I purchased Leah Carpenter's Eleven Days thinking it would be a bicycle book, but already it is a book that makes me pause and ponder, a book to read a leisure.  I am listening to Steven Johnson's The Ghost Map while I am walking and it is proving fascinating enough to keep me moving a little longer each day.  As to John Muir, Travel's in Alaska is beautifully written, breathtakingly beautiful in parts, but there is no real narrative, and the prose is so dense, in places almost poetic, that I can only read a few pages, sometimes only a few sentences, before I have to pause and let the beauty of what I have read settle in.  This is a book to be savoured slowly. 

     

    For future reference, books on the list which I read as a "bicycle book" either on the bike or while walking will be marked with a B at the beginning of my brief review.  This simply indicates that it is a book that I found to be a light easy read, not necessarily that I did or did not like it, nor even that it is not worth reading more slowly.  

     

     

     

  • Still Here

    Hi.  I haven't forgotten about blogging, I just seem to have entered an extended fallow period where I have nothing to say.   

     

    IMG_7997I have been busy rearranging furniture, sorting out books and finally moving myself into this house and making it mine.  In many ways this is good, and I feel at home in my own house for the first time since we moved to Tennessee. At yet, the house and my life at the moment seem more like a protective shell, or perhaps better yet, a mirror.  The surface is reflected but the interior remains hidden.

     

    Truthfully this has been a long time coming.  Interests that have lain dormant for years are reawakening. I had been sloughing off bits of myself for years, shedding everything that distracted me from the task at hand, until there was nothing to spare. For those few of you who have read my various blogs over the years, this may have been quite evident. Although I knew I was struggling, my understanding was shrouded in mist.  I saw only what I needed to see.  In some sense I had become a shell of myself.  

     

    Now I am simply following a meandering path, rediscovering those bits and pieces.  It is something like following a trail of breadcrumbs out of the forest.  I am sure that my focus will return, that bookcases will be built, that I will settle down, and that my voice will return.  July may be a scattered month.  Part of the month will be spent Dallas helping my mom when she returns home from rehab following bilateral knee replacements. At the end of the month family and friends will join me in the Hudson Valley and we will scatter George's ashes in the Hudson. Although we cannot predict when transitions will end, I am already looking forward to that date as a closure of sorts, a time to say goodbye.

  • Apparently I Missed the Flowers

    When we moved to Tennessee I wondered if I would miss gardening. I intentionally bought a house in a PUD, recognizing that I didn't have time and accepted that I would rather be somewhere where someone else worked at keeping up appearances, at least landscaping wise.

     

    Still I wondered. I would ask myself, rather abstractly, if I wanted to buy planters to flank the garage door. I would admire the pretty annuals in the neighbors' yards and gently chide myself about my lack of motivation. And yet I did nothing. My wishes for flowers were nothing but idle fancy, fluff and dreams, nothing concrete.

     

    Until now.

     

    It started with two hanging baskets. I was at Kroger, not thinking about flowers, thinking about a few things I needed at the house before family arrived later that afternoon. Flowers caught me by surprise. I bought two hanging baskets. I set them in the front flower bed by the front bed and did nothing further. I watered them daily, faithfully, tending their promise of beauty to come. But I didn't know what to do with them. My mind was elsewhere.

     

    The day after everyone left, one week after George's death. I saw two large oval planters and I knew they needed to come home with me. They were delivered that same day. For a week they sat: empty. Baby steps.


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    I started on Memorial Day weekend. Hours were spent wandering through nurseries, looking for plants. Everything is different here. The light is different than it was at my former home. There I was mostly planting in shade; here I have full sun. But the plant selection is different too, even the annuals. It was both fun and overwhelming. 

     

    I like the effect so far. I have no idea how they will hold up over the summer, if these plants will play harmoniously together or if one will bully the rest, overwhelming everything and taking over.


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    Once the planters were filled, I addressed those two lonely hanging baskets. I realized that I was suffering a problem of context. It was not the plants themselves that were the problem, but the potting medium. Two pots and two plant stands later they grace an empty corner of my front walk and my house is taking baby steps toward becoming a home. It no longer looks like the plainest, loneliest house on the street.


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    Two pots became four.  Once I got my hands in the dirt. Once I saw the flowers I couldn't stop. I missed the dirt. I missed the flowers. Four pots have become six, eight.  I am still planting. And now it seems that yes, I am home.

  • Adieu My Love

    George Leopold Steiner

    May 20, 1929 – May 10, 1913

    George and Lisa

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    I put off writing this post hoping I could find a few words.  Alas my words remain muddled; these are words I used elsewhere.  

     

    George passed away peacefully Friday morning.  I was holding his hand and singing Amazing Grace, his favorite hymn.  He was my rock.  Although I know he is with me in my heart I miss him terribly.

  • Bursting into Bloom

    These photos are actually from a few weeks ago, back when I was thinking about photos and carrying my camera around all the time.  Somehow all of that slipped my mind lately, but I still wanted to post the pictures.

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    Most of these pictures are of from Knoxville, even though I spent most of the week in Texas.  Flowers were very much on my mind that week and I was fortunate enough to be in Dallas in time for the bluebonnets, as seen in the lower left photo.

     

    There was no plan to my photographic choices, just whatever would capture my imagination at any given moment, but obviously I was focused on spring.  Focusing on spring is always good.

     

     

  • The Time In Between

    G completely lost the ability to swallow by yesterday afternoon. He is home but hospice has taken over his medical care.

     

    I spent most of yesterday on the phone, answering questions and dealing with other people's issues.  At times I felt like I had no energy left for me. Luckily comforting words and hugs were available.

     

    Today I felt I needed a totem.

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    Then I turned the phone off for a couple of hours and gave myself time to breathe and find that place of inner calm.  

     

     

  • Rainy Day

    Sometimes the signs of change are there before us, but we are so wrapped up in our own heads, or in the minutia of life, that we fail to take notice.  Sometimes we are momentarily blinded, but then we just adjust our mental sunglasses and continue on, caught up in our plans, only later noticing that the road has changed and we missed the turn.

     

    Two weeks ago, a few days more perhaps, G did not recognize me.  I knew it would happen.  In my head I knew it, and I thought I was prepared.  It is true, there had been days when he did not remember my name, days when he knew I was someone important but he couldn't quite say who, days when I was his mother or his first wife, or even perhaps simultaneously myself (his wife) and his mother.  These confusions are minor things.  The day I am speaking of was different.  That day, not only did he know know that I was someone he knew and cared about, I was nothing to him.  I was met with blankness: Not even fear, just a complete absense of presence. As far as he was concerned I could have been a chair. Worse than being a chair was seeing the empty eyes, the loss of someone I hold dear even as I touch his body, hand to hand, flesh to flesh; the sheer emptyness chilled me to the core.

     

    Later that same day he was back, and it was if nothing had changed.  But a change had begun even though I was not ready to recognize it.  I had looked into the eyes of the future.  Since that date G has been declining steadily.  There were some bright moments, moments I would cling to like an impossible dream, but they did not last. I went to Texas and had long coherent conversations on the phone with G, conversations such as I hadn't had in over a year.  I was told about the wonderful dinners he had with family in my absense.  I came home to bright welcoming eyes that filled my heart with joy, and I told myself that I had been over-concerned.

     

    My joy was short lived.  It is as if some part of G knew what was coming.  He had been having nightmares since that terrible dark blank day, as if he felt the edges of darkness creeping in as he struggled to keep them at bay.  Some inner portion of himself had to put up one brave final front, muster all his mental forces and fight back, and so he did, for a few days.  But then, I was back, he was relieved and spent, and the battle lost. It would have happened regardless of whether I left or not.  It has happened before, these momentarily flashes of brilliance where the man he once was shines forth, before sinking beneath the waves.  You would think I would learn, that I could see that this was just the eye of the storm and worse was yet to come.  But I am human and I never see, except through the retropsectoscope.

     

    Last July I learned that G was losing the ability to swallow, that we would have to shift to soft foods and that eventually even that would become impossible, that he was beyond the help of therapy.  At yet we managed well for 9 months.  Yes I pureed most of G's food though occasionaly he would eat a regular meal.  We were doing so well I had forgotten the despair (only hinted at here) following that diagnosis. Apparently one can only outrun the devil for so long.

     

    It is dinnertime, and I am sitting at my desk writing this as I eat, sitting here eating by myself listening to S prompting G, helping him to eat his dinner, talking him through the process we take for granted, of eating and swallowing.  Is this the first of many such meals? What does it mean to be eating the same meal, in the same house, and yet separate? Meals were one of the last things we could share. Now even that may be gone, and if I feel profoundly alone in this house filled with memories and voices, how must G feel?  I have memories.  I have myself.  What does he have?  Even memories seem to be as will-o-the-whisps, to vague and fleeting to grab hold of.

     

    For the last few days meals have been a trial. I ate.  I attempted to talk G through eating, showing hime how to swallow, talking him through the steps, but he would get too worked up when I prompted him, too worried about doing it wrong, too afraid of disappointing me, clinging to me like a life raft in a turbulent sea, fighting so hard he could drown us both.  His aide could help but my presence was a detriment to progress.  I would have to leave.  Today was impossible. And so I am here at my desk listening to the slow motion train wreck occurring down the hall.

     

    I don't know how to get through the static.  I don't know if it is possible.  Perhaps all that is possible is to treasure the lulls in the storm.