Yesterday I was at the vet, sitting and waiting for my (actually Sam's) appointment and I overheard a telephone conversation that just had me livid completely out of proportion to the situation.
Someone was on the phone (duh) and she said "yes Thanksgiving dinner was good" …"The man cooked it" …"he even made stuffing"…."It was really good"…. "I couldn't believe it either".
I was really about to lose it when we were called into the examining room and I started fretting about Sam, who somehow developed diabetes just as we were putting the house on the market and are packing and moving and it is absolutely the worst time for a poor sweet sensitive cat who really just likes things to be quite and uneventful to get sick, and I forgot about the conversation. I forgot about it until I was in the car and it just started rolling around in my head again.
I don't even know who I feel this whole conversation is more insulting toward — men, whom we assume can't cook (are they too dim? or is it that they are too bright and cooking is mere "women's work") But then if it is the latter it is really demeaning to women. But it is demeaning even if we think only women can cook because they "pay attention to the details more" and taking pride in the idea that women cook and men don't. As soon as we decide something can only be done by one or the other sex, we are putting both sexes down, as if each group only holds a subset of the qualities that make up the whole creature known as "human".
Why do we give a guy who cooks a turkey AND dressing accolades? Why don't we marvel that mom or grandma or the lady next door just happened to turn out a fabulous turkey and dressing and maybe even (hold your breath) PIE. Really we take it for granted that women can make Thanksgiving dinner and really only comment upon those who fail. Why is it considered an affront if a woman can't cook a decent turkey but if a man burnt the turkey no one would care? Why do we applaud a man who "helps" around the house and condemn the woman who doesn't?
Yes there are very real biologial differences between men and women and I applaud them, and these differences do affect or pyschology and everything about us, and I applaud that too. But the rest of it? Why do we have to get ourselves so invested in our own little pieces of the metaphorical pie? Why limit ourselves? Why limit others? Just why?
Really, we let men get away with far too much. And don't give ourselves nearly enough credit.
Asside from my self-absorbed mental peregrinations, I am occupied with the mundane tasks of packing. Being the perhaps neurotic person I am, I have color-coded the new house and purchased 10 colors of duck tape to assist in the packing process.
Aside from cataloging box contents, I am wrapping each box in the appropriate color tape so that it will be evident where it goes when it is unloaded. It will also be very evident if any box ends up in the wrong room.
I can see already that I will need a great deal of tape and that I did not perhaps purchase enough of certain colors. Luckily that situation can be remedied with a simple trip to the store.
In the meantime, it may be overkill, but the colors make me happy.
Comments
14 responses to “Muttering While Packing, or is it Packing While Muttering”
Oh, those colors make me happy too! I still marvel at your organizational methods–something to remember when we move. Your thoughts on men and women cooking are interesting. Last week I was shocked when a young woman walked into a room and announced that she had changed a headlight. Most of the women in the room sort of shrugged, but the men (even the young ones) were dumbfounded!
About the phone conversation, in our house, if you changed the gender, it would apply very nicely. I do not like to cook and hubbie loves to…so maybe just think of it as gender neutral topic, the one who rarely cooks made a fabulous meal 🙂
What a brilliant idea with the colors of tape! I moved at least 20 times in the military and could have used this system….
Tina in VA
That duct tape idea is the smartest thing ever. You are so organized!
Patti, they are happy colors, aren’t they? My father and mother both cooked. My brothers cook. But even about other things, it seems I am getting more and more impatient with gender based biases about who can or should do certain things.
Tina, my sister-in-law never cooked, and I would have been surprised if she had turned out a good turkey so I understand. It was more they way the conversation kept emphasizing “the man” more than anything else that got my gall. Thanks for the vote of confidence on the tape.
Thank you Kristin. It is nice to hear people think it is organized rather than just too much…..
I love that you thought of that! It will be soooooo easy to see what boxes go in which room…and here I thought labeling them was a great idea, now you’ve gone and taken it one step further. I hope though that you are now reaching the end of your packing…it can be very wearying…I know since I just went through this!
What a great idea. Never would have crossed my mind, but I’m not all that keen on moving. I know we are out growing our house, but the thought of packing everything up (never mind unpacking) is enough to keep me where I am until it isn’t an option.
I do agree that talents of either gender need to be recognized. I grew up watching both of my parents make meals, my husband doesn’t do Mon-Fri meals, but he will make special dishes for parties – including turkey for our friends Thanksgiving dinner.
I LOVE the colored tape idea. I am going to use it when I move next time, whenever that may be. Now all you need is a sheet of the right colored paper taped to the wall at the doorway of the room, to reduce the number of boxes that get put in the wrong room.
As for the phone conversation, well, just let it go. Be glad you don’t have to live with that kind of narrow-mindedness.
Color me impressed. You really ARE organized! And those men/women assumptions drive me nuts too. Hope your kitty is OK.
I always think it’s odd that people go ga-ga over cooking a turkey. A turkey is one of the easiest things to cook. You take it out of the fridge and put it in the oven.
Now dressing is slightly more complicated depending on what you do with it, but it too is not an advanced cooking item.
I’d give a person a lot more credit for a pie, particularly if they make their own crust.
First, poor Sam. My heart goes out tp him, and you.
The turkey story: Isn’t her use of the words “the man” telling? One first needs to depersonalize others to stereotype. I view cooking as an essential life skill, not at all sex-linked. When a man says he “cannot boil a pot of water” I usually say “Oh, I am surprised, you strike me as such a competent *person*.”
The pack: I used different colour markers on white stick on labels, sometimes augmented by dots to show what went in storage. Colour cues help a lot. I found it useful to list what is in the box, not just “bedroom” because you want some things immediately.
I also packed a “first night” box with the bedding, toiletries, etc.
I am sorry to hear Sam is ailing and hope he is okay for now.
Duchesse already pointed out the use of the words “the man,” that’s what I noticed first too. It’s hard to imagine the context in which that would ever be correct usage, because she’s distancing herself from a person who’s cooking she enjoyed, as if he’s some kind of house servant referred to as “the man.” I really don’t get it. But anyway your point is well taken regarding gender roles. It drives me nuts.
I am so impressed with your colored duct tape idea!
I’m off to spend the weekend in the wine country, at the Bishop’s Ranch in Healdsburg, with 10 of my church girlfriends but I’ll check in again early next week.
I love Duchesse’s response to men who claim not to be able to boil water — it’s usually said as a boast, despite its apparent humility, and calling them on it with a straight face and a compliment is so clever.
I’ve often been peeved by exactly the situations you describe. Paul does most of our cooking now, in his retirement, but he’s always done some — and the fuss people would make over his meals, when I’d cooked every other day of the week to no notice, could often be galling.
and I have to echo what RoseAG says about cooking the turkey — not much cooking challenge there, but a pie crust . . . . (see why I keep my guy away from my pie crust recipe? I’ve gotta have some glory of my own!)
Good luck with the packing . . . and the muttering.
I so agree with you, it is my goal that my boys look at people without stereotyping and assume what they can or cannot do based on their sex, ethnic background or anything else.
I am very impressed by your organization skills. I will have to remember your color coding if we move, although my husband says he will be buried in our backyard 😉
Apt observations on sex roles and stereotypes. Congratulations on your move!