Crashing through

All week I had been looking forward to Thursday.  Thursday is knitting night.  But there had been no knitting the last few weeks and I sorely missed these get togethers.  In fact I was feeling a little desperate for a girl’s night out.

Thursday started out bright with promise…..

But then I hit a wall.  A personal wall, but still a wall I could not walk around, or climb over, or even ignore any longer.  Tonight I had to take down the wall.

And I did.

It started with work.  When we closed the office G brought home tons of stuff which has all been piled up in his den.  30 years accumulation of office stuff and files were crammed into that small 8 x 10 foot room and I dreaded going in there.  But I had to.  The office files were there, piled willy nilly on the floor and on boxes and furniture.  The household files have long been stored in that room, but I could not get at the file cabinets through the piles of s.t.u.f.f.  that blocked the path. There are two computers — one still running office files, and G’s personal computer which I couldn’t even find space to set up because I still needed access to the other computer as well.

Today when I got a call and needed a chart right away to discuss something that was scheduled next week when I had been told that it was months away yet,  I couldn’t access what I needed.  I couldn’t find anything.  I felt out of control.  And I felt stupid.  And I hate feeling out of control and stupid.  I vowed that something had to be done today.  I was literally locking myself in the den and not coming out until there was some order and at the least the beginnings of a workable system.

I succeeded. And it feels good.

There is still a lot of stuff that G has to go through and make some decisions about, but we can both work in there now, and I can get to the stuff that I need.  And you know something?  That pile of stuff was a big weight around my neck.  It kept me from really being able to relax and work on things I wanted to do, like knitting.  I knew I had to face the wall, but I dreaded it so. 

And so only a few rows have been knitted on the linen tank.  And only a few rows have been knitted on my socks, but some of the chains that have been holding me back have been lifted.  My needles are ready to fly again.