Yesterday Tikka and I drove down to Atlanta and back. We went to Ikea for some Billy bookcases, and since move-in day isn't until Monday I thought I could at least get one or two bookcases assembled in advance. I will need more, but they can be delivered at a later date. This week both the drive to Atlanta (slightly over 3 hours each way) and putting together the bookcases are necessary distractions.
I'm in need of distractions right now. I'm tired of going to an empty house. I love seeing each new improvement, watching it evolve, but I'm also frustrated that all I have been able to do is sit and watch. I need to put something together, to feel the sense of accomplishment of doing something, even something small like putting together a bookcase.
I knew that this week would be the hardest week: the third week between houses, the week after my two short trips, to Chicago and Dallas, the week before move-in. I don't think I'd really realized that I'd be quite as much at loose ends, quite as emotional, quite as ready to just crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head hoping that I'd wake up and find myself all moved in. It's not that I have nothing to do, just that I'm just having trouble pulling myself together enough to focus. I struggle with decisions. I want to burst into tears. They aren't necessarily tears of sadness, and they certainly aren't tears of joy either, although I can't say that I am that far from either one of those emotions. Perhaps it is all just anticipation and frustration and a feeling of being unmoored. Two weeks was a vacation, now in the third week I just want to be home.
The work is winding down at the house, or is the term finishing up? The contractors will be done tomorrow, except for a few things that haven't arrived yet, but for the most part they are small things. Life and work can go on without them. The washer and dryer were probably installed in the new laundry room yesterday while I was driving. The countertop might arrive tomorrow, or it might arrive next week. I don't have confirmation on that yet, but I'll manage either way.
Today I have to get those Billy bookcases out of my car and upstairs. Then I can start assembly. The rugs also come home today. Once the rugs are in perhaps I can set up the loom, perhaps I'll find other small tasks to keep me occupied. Monday can't come soon enough.
Comments
5 responses to “Counting Down”
I feel for you – I have a tendency to either plan too many activities in supposed down time and get overwhelmed, or too few and end up at painfully loose ends as you are describing. Wish I knew the way to better balance.
ceci
What we can see her looks great. . . I can understand absolutely why you’re feeling unmoored, overwhelmed. You’re almost there, though, aren’t you? Starting to build a home that’s your own. . . .
I obviously do the same thing, too much or too little. If I find a way to achieve balance I will let you know, though I think it is against my nature.
deep breath, deep breath…. Now actually I feel like I am on the last step before opening the door.
Look at your awesome blue house!