A WordPress Site

Category: Music

Five Things on a Beautiful May Friday

This week has gotten away from me a bit, and the challenge for today is to see if I can get this "five things" post written and posted before the day is done, and maybe still get a post up tomorrow. It may be wishful thinking, but I've always liked a challenge.

1. I bought a bike. I spent last Saturday trying to ride my old bike and keep air in the tires, neither very successfully. I fell repeatedly and at one point wondered if should even be trying, but I also realized three things: 1). The bike was old and probably not rideable. 2). The gears were stuck somewhere around 8th or 9th gear and I couldn't unstick them enough to get myself up the hill in my driveway. 3). My old, circa 1980 racing style touring bike was probably not the best bike for me to be riding at this particular point in my relearning process. I took the old bike into a shop to see if it could be repaired and came out with a new bike. I realized that my insistence on riding the old bike was actually hampering my progress. The new bike is exactly what I need right now. I've been riding it. At first, I didn't even make it around the block. Apparently riding a bike uses muscles I've neglected for a decade or two. I was terrified of speed because I was still terrified of falling, I couldn't quite figure out the gears so that I was in control of the bike instead of the bike being in control of me, and I wobbled all over the place. At the same time, I was exhilarated and thrilled. I can't remember being so excited about any new project in such a long time. I was out on the bike twice a day every day at the beginning of the week. I didn't go far, but I came home exhausted and happy. As I'd stagger up the steps into my house I was already dreaming of my next ride. Each morning I would go for my normal walk of a couple of miles in length, then get on the bike, mostly because I learned I couldn't walk after riding the bike. This morning however, I went for a whole loop, roughly 2 miles, my first real excursion that I can actually call a ride. I had to get off a couple of time when my legs refused to go further up a hill, and I had to walk the bike up the final stretch of one steeper hill (but still not very steep) after I misjudged my gear shift, lost my footing, and fell into a forced dismount. But I did it. I was terrified coming down the steep hill after the final turn toward my house and I had to fight the urge to ride the breaks, terrified I would have to stop and not be able to, terrified I would kill myself. I can happily report I returned home safely. I climbed the stairs to my office and this computer. I can't wait to ride again tomorrow.

I want to keep riding. I want to fix the old bike and when I get steadier see if I can ride it, see if I want to tackle longer rides. When I was young I thought nothing of going 20 or 30 miles on my bike. I may or may not ever be there again, but I am looking forward to the adventure. Oh, and now that I know I can actually ride even a short loop, perhaps it is time to start alternating walking and riding days.

2. The pink camellia behind the house is doing beautifully since I had the river birch taken down. It bloomed but looked rather sad and I suspected that it was in too much shade. This spring, with the long period of cool weather and the increased sun it has filled out and grown phenomenally. You can see it behind the irises in the photo above. Unfortunately it is right next to the deck, meaning it is right in the middle of the proposed construction site. Finding it a new home, either permanent or temporary, for any plants in this area I want to save (irises and camellias etc) is now becoming a priority.

3. I posted a photo of the Cora Louise peony on Instagram earlier this week. I took another photo this morning, where I thought I captured the color just a little more clearly.

4. Breakfast this morning, or brunch I suppose since it was after 11 by the time I stopped to eat. Avocado, and egg salad topped with hot-smoked salmon on a small, salad sized plate.

5. I went to see the musical Beautiful: The Carole King Story, with a friend last Sunday afternoon and I had an absolutely marvelous time. I love the sets, the colors, the acting, the music, absolutely everything. It was a happy event that made me want to sing and dance and smile for the rest of the day. The show was like sping, something joyous and hopeful and inspiring, just what I needed on a Sunday afternoon. Carole King's album Tapestry came out just before I entered high school, but I didn't really discover her until I was in college, where many of my friends had all her albums. It was a period of great musical discovery for me: Carole King, bluegrass, rock, Talking Heads, King Crimson, early punk, jazz, swing dances, Hindemith and Phillip Glass, and although the musical was about King and her music, not my other explorations, it still reminded me of that time, of that sense of the joy of song of music and the idea that music itself could change the world.

But I also admit that I also struggled afterwards with the fact that I enjoyed Beautiful more than I enjoyed Aida, and in simply writing the above paragraph I have written more about the musical than I did about the opera. I recognize that this struggle reflects some kind of acquired parental, societal, and cultural bias that I don't actually believe has any basis in reality, but which still occasionally raises its ugly head in my consciousness. I did enjoy Aida, but I admittedly didn't love it. I'm not convinced that is the fault of the performance. As I said, the Choral Society gave the best performance I have heard, and the soloists were good as well, but they occasionally were quashed by the poor acoustics of the hall, well all of them except the baritone perhaps. In retrospect it was that problem with acoustics that hampered my experience. I understand why the performance was held in the Civic Auditorium — they needed the space on stage. And I'm not certain my experience of the sound was shared by those around me, as many of my near neighbors seemed very happy with the performance. I felt the performance often sounded muddied, which is more the fault of the venue than the artists themselves, enough so that I am not eager to go to another opera performance in that particular venue. I'd rather hear sparkling sound at the Tennessee Theater than muddied sound waves at the Civic Auditorium. But then again, I know this is my own bias, the same bias that showed up in the early days of my marriage when I was the one that was constantly turning off the radio when static would invade the airwaves. It never bothered George, but it ruined the sound for me, rendering the musical completely unlistenable. Mea culpa

I have no music scheduled this weekend, but the sun is shining and I shall see friends, spend time in the garden and on my bicycle. Grand adventure always awaits. What delights will your weekend bring?

May 11, 2018
Musica Sacra

I was in Lincoln, Nebraska earlier this week, listening to the music of Phillip Glass. Tuesday night was the world premiere of a new piano quintet, Annunciation, and I was thrilled to be present, thrilled to be invited my my friend Liana, who was involved in the commission. Well, actually, I seem to recollect that I invited myself, and Liana graciously agreed. But the experience also found me questioning myself, refining my thoughts both on why I find one piece brilliant and another not so much, but also in terms of reminding myself that all of these thoughts are subjective and personal, and finding balance is key.

Late Monday afternoon we went to the rehearsal, and I was immediately entranced, enmeshed in this stunningly beautiful work, based on the the communion hymn of the Annunciation from the Greek Orthodox service, a hymn that is itself based on Psalm 133. At the rehearsal, the pianist, Paul Barnes, and others first sang the hymn for us, to help us to hear and understand the references, and then the piece began. Powerfully soaring opening chords drew me into the music, opening a space for the introduction of the chant as it develops into a repetitive, shared theme that is at time meditative, at times brooding, simultaneously expansive and inclusive, ending that reminded me of hearts and arms thrown open.

As I sat in that room, listening and absorbing, present with a work, a performance I felt to be brilliant, my focus was also on the previous week’s symphony performance. I was still struggling with the last blog post, and listening to this new work helped focus my attention both on what I love about music, and about my own uneasy feelings about writing when I was not thrilled with a performance. Of course one cannot be thrilled with everything, and, aside from technical matters, everything is subjective. The trick is in understanding my own biases and preferences, and in finding words that communicate something that is, in effect ephemeral and experiential. It like so much of everything else of value in life, seems to be an ongoing process of learning and expanding horizons.

I felt incredibly fortunate to be in Lincoln, to listen to the musicians and the composer review and refine the details of actually translating the notes from paper to sound, to hear adjustments and changes as they evolved, in some ways refining my own experience of the piece as the performance itself was refined. Not really being a musician myself, merely an avid listener, I nonetheless found the process fascinating and enlightening.

I felt equally fortunate to attend a dinner that evening with Phillip Glass, Paul Barnes, the Chiara Quartet, and other Artists and sponsors of the event. It was an honor to meet Phillip Glass, although I was neither charming, nor witty, with nothing creative to say, awed and tongue-tied at meeting a composer whose work I have followed since my early 20’s, a composer who inspired me to trek to New York City and take the subway to Brooklyn, where I had never been, by myself, just to hear Einstein on the Beach at BAM. Looking back on it now I see how shy and naive I was then, my older self bemused that I thought going to Brooklyn was an adventure. And yet that memory also makes me smile because it was the beginning of a newly found adventurousness in music, a first-step, one of many, toward becoming who I am today. Still, I was thrilled to shake his hand, to sit at the table with him to watch the interactions around me. To converse with musicians and artists, and just be present in a creative space.

God, that makes me sound far mor voyeuristic than I think I am.

Tuesday night was the world premier of the work at the Lied Center in Lincoln. The difference in the space, from the small room where the rehearsal was heard to the large space of the concert hall amazed me. It was almost as if I was hearing two different works, except that they weren’t different. I remembered the music and I knew intellectually I was hearing the same thing, but the emotional resonance was different. Perhaps it was just that, having heard the piece before, I was able to focus more on the complexities of the music itself. In the small hall the opening chords where strong and enveloping, drawing you immediately into its own space, and the conclusion a bright transfiguration. In the concert hall the opening bars felt more meditative and softly seductive. The patterns of the Byzantine chant more evident to this listener, and yet still welcoming and inclusive, One still felt drawn into the music, the space felt transformed, and the ending a transcendent release, a brightly ephemeral scattering of light into the space.

But the quintent was not the entirety of the concert, although the concert was mostly devoted to the music of Glass. And of course I have quibbles. The concert opened with members of Cappella Romana singing selections from the Greek Orthodox Mass, ending with the communion hymn for the Annunciation, in two versions, the piece which inspired the Piano Quintet. The singers were fabulous, and I loved the pacing and cadence of the Byzantine chant. But I was also somewhat familiar with the style because George had long been a lover of Orthodox Christian music, and although his specific love was for the Russian Orthodox, and I had not heard the Greek before, there were enough similarities that I felt comfortable, and calmed, in the listening.

The singing was followed by a short, unpublished, work by Glass, Pendulum for Violin and Piano, performed by Barnes and Hyeyung Yoon. It was a lovely work, but in retrospect I the positioning was off, and it distracted from the opening of the piano quintet. I would have opened the concert with this short Glass work, to whet the appetite of the audience for that which was to come, then gone into the chant, and followed the chant immediately with the Piano Quintet, to highlight the progression of the theme. But as I said above, this is a minor quibble.

The second half of the program began with a short choral piece from Hydrogen Jukebox called the Father Death Blues. Based on a poem by Alan Ginsberg, written after the death of his father, the song was gently mournful, and the performance was truly lovely and beautifully performed. I find Glass's choral works richly rewarding, and a surprise sometimes, to friends who know only his instrumental pieces.

The concert closed with the Piano Concerto No. 2 “After Louis and Clark”. I am sure this work was chosen because it was also commissioned by Barnes and premiered in Nebraska, but it seemed to me to be a good counterpoint to the new work, as to my ears at least, although both works at obviously by Glass, they are not at all alike. The Quintet is lushly spiritual and spaciously uplifting and enfolding, whereas the second piano concerto is full of movement in an entirely different way — a driving, exploring movement with a spacious, outward reaching sense of movement that feels more horizontal as compared to the vertical movement of the Piano Quintet. It was a lovely performance. I admit I have a recording of the piano concerto, also played by Barnes, and it was fabulous to see and hear him perform live. He made the music dance, and seem effortless, allowed it to occupy the space. Even that part of the first movement that increasingly amazes me each time I hear it, where the pianist is playing in two different tempos simultaneously, bridging and uniting the orchestra in a rather complex polymetric rhythm, playing in one meter with the right hand, in concert with the violins, while the left hand is simultaneously playing a slower tempo with the violas and cellos, felt like a natural progression of the music, flowing part and then together again, as a natural course of events, the piano dynamically and yet calmly holding the center.

Much as I enjoyed the performance however, The orchestra, which is an excellent student orchestra, did not quite master the subtleties and nuance in the repetitive themes that I have heard in the recorded version of this piece. In such a performance it is easy to forget that Glass’s music involves a layering of repetitive themes that are not at all simple, but complexly layered. The layering is essential, as the apparent simplicity of beauty is a veil. To build multifaceted layers that appear simple is genius. The lack of subtlety in the playing lent a sense of “sameness” to the piece, a sameness that does nothing to help me convince my many friends that Glass does not write the same theme over and over. The performance was beautiful but could have been more.

As to hearing Barnes play, and meeting him, that was also one of the highlights of my trip. I have a couple of Barnes’ recordings, but had never heard him play live. The fact that the first time I heard him live was in the intimate space of the rehearsal was amazing. I’ve long admired his playing, at least on recordings, but in watching him in a small space, playing as part of a chamber group I was impressed by the warmth and inclusiveness of his playing, his movements and expressions, his interactions with the quartet. Everything seemed to be part and parcel about a conversation with the music, and expansive conversation that stemmed outward from the music and drew the musicians and the listener in. In fact he reminded me of one of my all favorite pianists, Menahem Pressler, a pianist I used to seek out in performance whenever I could. It turns out that Barnes studied under Pressler, although I'm sure many others did as well, but few musicians express that sense of the performance and the music as a living conversation with such beauty..

April 19, 2018
Mozart and a Misstep

Friday night was symphony night in Knoxville. Following a dinner with friends that ran a little late, I was concerned that I would miss the beginning of the concert and admittedly pushed ahead. As we walked to the theater, shades of my college self resurfaced in my mind, memories of being accused, even then, of being more interested in music than in people. Of course it was not true then, and it is not true now, but on Friday night I was indeed more interested in getting to the concert than in lingering over dinner.

I was happy that I arrived before the music started, as I enjoyed the first work, Missy Mizzoli's Violent, Violent Sea. But I did not know the name of the piece until after I listened to it. Since I arrived late, near the end of the talk, just before the music started, I listened to the piece free of expectation. I heard a rather impressionistic work, without any clear narrative, with a somewhat placid and almost joyful manner, occasionally broken up by a sense of hidden danger lurking beneath the surface, the tension brought out by a deep rumbling beginning in the bass. I thought of a day on the beach and a hidden undertow, although the same technique is used in movie scores and other thematic music. The piece ends with a sharp, but brief startling movement, like a slap in the face, or someone dumping ice down the back of your collar. Between pieces I glanced at the program, making note of the title of the work, the double use of the word violent and felt a sense of discongruity with my experience of the music itself. Although I could relate to a sense of mild foreboding, as mentioned above, and I did indeed think of a beach, I heard no great turbulence or violence in the music itself. The piece felt more akin to the suspenseful build up impending threat, that one hears in suspense and horror movies than anything truly dangerous or violent. Perhaps that was the point, the threat of hidden or unanticipated violence rather than the violence itself, but the disconnect between title and work felt more like another example of the kind of hyperbolic excess and overstatement that seems to populate modern life. Everything is the "most unique", "best", "worst", "most amazing" whatever in our modern life, when what commonly results is slavish hype and attention over what are ultimately small things, and we follow along like sheep. It was a lovely piece although it was hardly violent, pleasant enough and enjoyable even, but ultimately just another pleasant and enjoyable way to while away an evening.

The second piece, Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 20 in D Minor was beautifully performed by pianist Fei Fei Dong, and the orchestra, led by guest conductor Edwin Outwater. It is of course a beatiful piece, justifyably popular, and Mozart balances truly stormy and turbulent passages with movements of great lyrical beauty and hopefulness. This performance was emotionally resonant, although at times it was also perhaps a little too determined in its execution. The second movement in particular was nuanced and balanced, bringing sense of harmony between musicians and music, always a lovely treat. Dong's performance was beautifully executed, the orchestra and the soloist played well together, and yet this listener, despite the fact that she enjoyed the performance, also felt a bit unsettled. It has in fact taken me these couple of days to articulate this puzzling sense of enjoyment with a soupçon of doubt. In the end I believe it came down to this: The performance was indeed beautiful and satisfying, but there was something that I can only call "Mozartness" that was lacking — it was Mozart but it wasn't. I felt as if the entire piece had been transported to another time, and perhaps this linked to the sense I had of the performance being a bit too determined, as if Mozart had been teleported a hundred years and become a romantic composer, and something was lost in the translation.

The concert ended with Robert Schumann's Symphony Number 2, which was skillfully and eloquently performed, but was also perhaps too placid, a programming error following the Mozart performance. The second half felt a bit like being trapped in a slowly deflating balloon. The Mozart performance out romanticized the Schumann, the Schumann fizzled in comparison. I understand that it is usual to schedule the guest artist before the intermission, but then you need something rousing to close out the concert, to carry the heightened emotions. I think I can discern an intention and a theme in the programming, and yet the idea was perhaps not fulfilled. A misstep, yes, but only a small one in what has, overall, been a fabulous season.

April 17, 2018
Of Marathons and Music and Miscellanea

Sunday, the last morning of Big Ears, Tikka and I both slept late, at least as compared to our normal schedule. When we went downstairs the street was already filled with people. We were 20 minutes from the starting bell for the Knoxville Marathon, and the starting gate was right outside our hotel. Tikka was a little excited but she happily walked over to the little garden where she normally took her morning piddle stop and hoped up over the short wall. There were several runners in place, using the wall for their pre-run stretch. Tikka, never shy, jumped between them and took care of business. I apologized, half heartedly, because really I was just laughing at the image of Tikka and the runners all in a line taking care of their various morning necessaries. A little absurdity to start the day.

Then we went back upstairs and I had coffee and breakfast in the bar/restaurant, where I could watch the start of the marathon. As Tikka and I took our morning walk, a little later, we would occasionally cross the marathon route, encountering pockets of runners or bicyclists, and it made for an exciting variation on our downtown morning walk.

And then it was back to the music. My notes on Sunday are a little sketchier as I didn't really write my thoughts down, grateful to simply being there, enjoying the music. Whereas Saturday I had stayed mostly in the southern tier of the concert venues, Sunday I primarily stuck to the northern portion of Gay Street, attending concerts at the Standard and the Mill and Mine.

Anyway, I started the day with the Tyshawn Storey Trio at the Mill and Mine. The Mill and Mine is kind of a good sized, cavernous room, and the group really managed to play with the dynamics of the room well, creating a flowing sense of movement in the space, alternating between power and a sensitive quietude, from the piano and the bass, but also from the drums. The group were really beautifully in tune with each other and the space, and it was a marvelous concert.

Next I wandered over to the Standard, but I took the long way around, rather than over the Bridge, which was a gentler walk. There I heard a young musician named Rostam, whom I knew only because he used to be a part of the band Vampire Weekend. The concert was fun and infectious, making me smile and want to sing and dance.

Then it was back over the bridge to Suuns. I was walking very slowly, and I stopped to take this photo along the way. And somehow I just realized I didn't even try to take photos of musicians on Sunday, and that is also fine. I still enjoyed the music and I enjoyed Suuns, but it was loud, and perhaps not as fascinating as the previous two concerts, or I was just beginning to feel antsy. I thought that if I left early I could perhaps slowly make my way south to the Bijou for Abigail Washburn and Wu Fei, so I very slowly made my way up the hill.

But by the time I got to Chivo, a taqueria just over the top of the hill, I was wondering if I would indeed be able to make it to the Bijou, so I stopped and had lunch. I enjoyed my tacos, and thought about what I could do next. I figured my best option was to head back toward the Standard and catch Julie Byrne, which I enjoyed, before leaving early and heading back to the Mill and Mine for Kieran Hedban and Mats Gustafsson. Although I loved that concert, I also realized that I was no longer comfortable and was fast approaching my limit, so I ubered back to my hotel for a rest.

The break was good, and afterward, perhaps just because I had finally figured out what was going on, walking became much easier. I could walk and stand all I wanted, although sitting would became problematic, not at all unusual for a disc-related scenario. I went to the Tennessee Theater to hear Nief Norf perform Steve Reich's 'Quartet', which was short, but also electrifying, and for which I stood. Then I actually had time to stop at Nama for some sushi before heading up and over the hill to hear the Craig Taborn Quartet for a fabulous concert that seemed to blend and push genres, mixing electronica and jazz and classical ideas into something that seemed perfectly itself and a perfect way to end a fabulous weekend. I made my back to my hotel and collapsed in contentment.

Last week was intentionally quiet and low-key, and as a result my back has continued to improve. I am by now pretty close to back to normal. I did walk, and I also did a little gardening on Wednesday. My goal was simply to get something in the planters out front as I am on the Dogwood Trail and although the beds and yard were all clean, the planters were still empty. I picked up some ferns for the planters by the front door. They are probably too large, but the selection in the nurseries was still slim, and once they start to grow they may have to move elsewhere. But they look pretty from the street now, and I have a good spot to put them later in the season so I am content.

I also managed to find some plants for the smaller planters. I don't quite know how these will work out yet, but it is a good attempt, soft grayed-greens to offset the rosemary in the round planters, and a variety of coleus plants in the tower, mixing upright and prostrate varieties. At least the front looks intentional. While I was at the nursery I also found some grasses and plants I had been hoping to put in a bed that I cleaned out last fall, a small bed filled with weeds, or more exactly, perennials that were too large for the space, and obscured the shrubs and Japanese maple that were there, and which I wanted to save. My own theory is that a weed is just a perennial in the wrong spot, (and vice versa). It felt good to have my hands in the dirt, to spend a couple of hours in the garden, and to be upright and pain-free afterward. Hopefully I've got things in the right spots, my ideas are good, and the garden will thrive. I always feel it is a guessing game, but one worth pursuing, and this reminds me that I need to start a garden journal. I had one in Hyde Park, where I had drawings and diagrams and planting information, and I could see the evolution of the yard, what worked and what failed.

I can't help myself. I have another project.

April 3, 2018
Big Ears: Setbacks and Triumphs

So I am wandering a bit in this post, about Big Ears and not. Please have patience. I'm not asking for anything but patience.

After I exhausted myself on Friday, the rest of Big Ears seemed something like a blur. That even though I intentionally planned a rather light day on Saturday, and lucky for me I did. I started off with a performance by trumpet virtuoso Peter Evans, which was certainly mind-bending. I can't really say that I would classify what I heard as music, but he pushed the trumpet to produce effects and waves of sound, tone, and tempo that I certainly never imagined; there were times where the sound was loud and crashing, a tornado in the room, and there were other periods of soft, gentle, melodies, a gentleness I had never really imagined from a trumpet. So although I personally didn't hear music, I was fascinated, and I could easily imagine music being written to incorporate what I was hearing, I could imagine the sounds I heard as part of greater works. I would say that the concert was difficult but also exciting.

Then I had a short break and a dilemma. At 2PM there were three concerts I was interested in: Bela Fleck and Abigail Washburn, Jon Gibson, and Rushes Ensemble, with Cyro Baptista also performing again at 2:30. I had already decided not to go to Bela Fleck, not because I wouldn't love it, but because I had heard Fleck and Washburn perform together before, and felt I should push myself to explore something new. Given that reasoning, I also opted out of Baptista, even though I had been entranced by his concert the day before. Torn between Gibson and Rushes, I opted for Rushes Ensemble, only because of the bassoons. It may not have been the best choice, but I am a woman who loves the bassoon, a woman who will, and did, go out of her way for bassoon music. The work being performed, a piece written for 7 bassoons, was very interesting, with rotating waves of sound. It most certainly was not Telemann or Mozart, but I did not expect that it would be, and it was beautiful nonetheless. Or at least the first half hour was beautiful; then I got bored. Perhaps I just got hungry, and I realized that I had a walk of several blocks before I could eat. I probably should have eaten between concerts. I had had an hour. But I played with Tikka instead, thinking I could wait until after the bassoon concert. I had forgotten that, although I had a decent breakfast of hard boiled eggs and hot smoked salmon on salad, I had not eaten much the day before — a felafel salad plate and a small bucket of popcorn even though I had gone to concerts all day long, walked 13 miles, and my smart watch told me I had burned 800 calories more than my usual. Not smart. So I left and had a leisurely lunch, and spent some time with Tikka.

If my 2 PM concert was not my favorite, the next concert I attended, the 5 PM performance by Jason Moran and Milford Graves was one of the high points of a weekend that, in retrospect seems filled with high points. The music was fabulous, and incredibly inspiring. I felt as if the music flowed in such a way that it encapsulated the breath and pulse of the room, audience and musicians as one, drawing us in and transforming us, at times slow and centered, at others rising up. Amazing.

The next concert on my agenda was billed as Roscoe Mitchell Trios at the Bijou, performing Bells for the South Side, among other works, and although there were more than three musicians on the stage, they did in fact play in trios. The music was very different from what I had heard Roscoe Mitchell playing the day before. That music had been warm and full of heart. This was fascinating, minimalist, and far more purely intellectual. I enjoyed it, and my brain was hopping along all sparkly and intrigued, but I wanted something more, so I didn't stay, opting instead to wander back to the cathedral to hear Johnny Gandelsman playing Bach. Gandelsman is technically very proficient and he played the Bach well, but he also brought a warmth and a humanity to the music. The performance was incredibly heart-warming, and intellectually thrilling as well. Sometimes the Bach solo violin pieces become a showcase for technical virtuosity and the soul of the music is lost; not in this case. I sat entranced.

By the time that concert ended, it was pouring and I was tired and hungry. I had hoped to eat at Kaizen, hoped it was late enough that I would luck into a table because I had forgotten to make a reservation. Alas a few people arrived just ahead of me and snagged the last table and last seat at the bar. I didn't want to wait so I walked over to Emilia where they managed to work me in and I was very happy. I settled in for a good meal and a glass of wine, a symphony of food and drink, along with some people watching and reflecting. The evening ended with a lovely dessert, not on the menu, of a small bit of rich and satisfying vegan dark chocolate mousse, with Amaro soaked citrus and luxardo cherries. It reminded me of music, of Roscoe Mitchell's minimalist compositions, but it was far more satisfying.

I noted that Big Ears was turning out to be both better than I had expected and yet also more frustrating. My frustrations however stemmed more from my own patience, or lack of it, with myself. Perhaps my expectations had been too high: My first big ears, I still couldn't stand long, even though it was nearly a year after my back surgery. But this year I stayed downtown so I could go to more concerts. I walked 8-11 miles a day the weekend in Paris and again in New York in February with no ill effects. I routinely walk between 6 and 7 miles a day. I thought Big Ears would be a piece of cake.

Unfortunately things were not proving to be that easy. One of the reasons I stayed for the entire Medeski, Martin and Wood concert Friday night was that I was having a lot of pain walking. I had mentioned that I was having leg and hip pain in previous blog posts over the previous two weeks, and that I had concerns about being able to handle the amount of walking required, as my movement had been severely curtailed. In fact I had just worked my way up to 4 miles a day before Big Ears started, and that only by taking many short walks. By Friday night, my right leg was dragging and I was in considerable pain but I was going to be damned if I missed that concert. I arrived, got a bourbon and the aforementioned popcorn and settled in. I didn't plan to stay for the entire concert, but I was entranced enough that I did. Two hours later I was comfortable enough but able to walk back to my hotel room, but further concert-going was out of the question.

Even so I was up half the night with leg pain. And the pain was worse on Saturday. I was beginning to realize what should have been apparent all along, that this wasn't a leg injury but back pain, sciatic pain. The sciatic nerve was so inflamed that other muscles were being inflamed as well. I've experienced this before, but it had been a long time. The back surgery I had 4 years ago was for a disk at L4. That was causing pain and numbness in my left leg, and in my back, but I had experienced intermittent sciatic problems for 30 years in my right leg, at times so severe I could barely function or walk. That particular pains stems from some changes at L5-S1, but they are not changes that would or could be improved by surgery. I'd have one or two "spells" a year and then move on. I wondered why it had stopped, but apparently it never did. The L4 disk, which had been bad, had just overpowered the other, and it took me long enough to recover, to stop perhaps being overly cautious, for small accidents to happen. A simple unexpected step Into a dip, a small twist, and there I was again.

Before you jump all over me, I am not looking for sympathy. I intended to take it easier on Saturday and I did. I intended to walk only 5 miles or so, but it ended up being over 8. But I also know that the only way to overcome back pain is to keep moving. Once I realized what was going on, I knew I needed to move as much as I could, stop when I needed to, but also not let myself freeze in place. Sunday was hard. And I missed some concerts because I couldn't walk to them. I got to one end of Gay street and stayed there. I could walk and stand but getting up a hill would do me in. Once I couldn't walk any more I went back to my hotel and rested. At that point I was fine as long as I was standing and walking; walking slowly perhaps, but still walking. Sitting was a problem, but that could be addressed in time, so I went out again.

I heard and did more than at any prior Big Ears. I had fun. I also pushed myself, perhaps more than I should have, but I wouldn't do anything differently, and I would have hated to have missed the festival. I'm not inclined to let a little inconvenience get in the way of music and fun. I also had fun. I spoke to more people I didn't know than I have at any previous Big Ears Weekend. I got out of my head and into the social aspect of the place. Once I knew what the problem was I could actually manage better. And yet, despite pushing myself, or because of it, I am actually better now and am functioning well with only minor nerve issues.

Aside from learning that I was simply more comfortable in my skin than I had been for a while, I learned a couple of other things about myself. I had forgotten what it was like to be so wrapped up in something I love that everything else becomes unimportant, and I had also forgotten that, once I get wrapped up in something I love, I need to remember to take time for self-care, like food perhaps. I also reconnected with another one of my gifts, one I had forgotten, namely stick-to-itiveness or stamina. I'll never be the fastest, or the strongest or the smartest, but damn-it I've got stamina. When I played tennis, my success at doubles was not because I had great shots, although I did have a strong backhand, but because, if you couldn't knock me out with a killer serve or super shot, I could wear you out. The longer the match the stronger I got, the more sheer determination would kick in. I thought nothing of a 3 hour plus match. I would wear the opponent down, and the more tired everyone got, including myself, the more focused I became. I'm still that way. That came in handy this past weekend. There is a point in any journey, through pain, fear, discomfort, anything really, where you either say "I quit" or you push on. I can push on, and once you push on, the rest of it becomes secondary, well until it doesn't, but that is another story.

Most of my back was fused when I was 16 years old. Before that I wore a brace for five years. I was always determined that I could do anything anyone else did, if I wanted, and my parents encouraged that attitude. I have no regrets. I've had a fabulous life thet would have been very different had I not had that surgery, if I would even be here at all. And I still have a fabulous life ahead of me. I have only two disks that are not fused, and they are both well on the way to self-fusing themselves. The simple truth is that I will probably have intermittent periods of difficulty for most of my life, a simple mis-step with a little twist can cause weeks of pain, but it is not the end of the world. And the only thing that helps is moving, specifically walking. If I can only walk 100 feet now, I need to walk 110 feet the next time, and so forth until I can do more. So here is the thing: I don't want setbacks to hamper my life more than they need to. But I also no longer want to pretend like they don't happen. Life is what it is, things always happen, and I am who I am, good and bad, all rolled into one.

Would I rather have been pain-free for Big Ears? Of course. Do I regret anything? No. The fun outweighed the discomfort, and working through it probably did me more good that staying home ever would have. I heard things I might never have heard otherwise. I spoke to people I would otherwise never have met. In fact, the difficulties may have focused my attention more; I took nothing for granted. I had a blast. And now that is all out of the way, I can tell you about the fun stuff on Sunday at another time.

Next year will be even better. It probably won't be perfect, but if you are looking for perfection you are just looking for an excuse to fail.

March 30, 2018
Big Ears: Day One and a Half

I'm still recovering from Big Ears and I'd probably like to take a nap, despite the fact that I slept late this morning. But if I take a nap, nothing will write itself.

Big Ears started Thursday, but I have an obligation every Thursday night so I did not get started until after 9, and then I pooped out early. I did, however, get to two concerts. I missed the beginning of Brooklyn Rider's performance at St. John Cathedral, but I heard well over half of the concert, and was very happy that I went. I was particularly entranced by a work titled "Sequence" from the group's new album Spontaneous Symbols, which I also purchased later in the weekend. Some of the sounds and combinations of sounds in Sequence were new to me, new but also startlingly beautiful. Although I didn't know it yet, this was already the theme for the weekend: new sounds, startlingly beautiful.

My next venue was the Bijou Theatre, only a block away, and a concert by Jaga Jazzist. This was newer territory for me although the group itself is not particularly new. The music was complex and interesting although at times I found it a little loud. The lighting effects were also interesting, when they weren't blinding. I listened to much of the concert with my eyes closed, which had two effects. First it made me feel old (sitting there with earplugs and my eyes closed) but it also allowed me to release distractions and just listen to the music. In the end I decided that Jaga Jazzist is really creative, although perhaps not revolutionary. I liked the way they formed complex melodies and moods, fusing traditional jazz with various influences from electronic music to space-rock. I heard strong Miles Davis influence but it was Miles as Miles could probably have never imagined, from a group who seem to have cut their teeth on acid jazz. The music was exciting, complex, and also warmly human. Which also reminded me that the audience in this concert skewed considerably younger than at Brooklyn Rider, where I felt the audience skewed older, mostly my age and up. As I contemplated that, and the implications in terms of music and expectations, it seemed like a good place to call it a night.

Saturday was a fabulous day. Tikka and I had a quiet morning of writing and snuggling and a lovely 2 mile walk. The music began at noon. For me that meant another 11 miles of walking between venues, 7 concerts, and 9 hours of music before returning, exhausted to my hotel at 11 PM. My Saturday concert schedule began with Roscoe Mitchell, Junius Paul, and Vincent Davis at the Standard. What followed was an hour of incredible improvisation, spontaneous and yet seemingly balanced between structured and unstructured play. The music was intellectually rigorous and fully emotionally satisfying with felt like a blending of jazz and classical forms. I could not think of a better way to start the day.

Roscoe Mitchell would have been enough to make my day, except that they day simply continued to flow along at a high level of satisfaction. I went from Mitchell to hear Cyro Baptista in a concert that was filled with joy and happy rhythms. Brazilian – Jazz – Dance -Pop: I can't classify music, especially not at something like Big Ears where the best performances seem to form their own rhythm, a rhythm of life in its many forms, a rhythm that transcends categories.

The Rova Saxophone Quartet was fascinating in a more intellectual way, but here too, the music moved and filled the space, filled the pulse of the listeners, occupying the heart as well as the head. This group also performed one piece from their new album; but I am certain that when I sit down and listen it will be completely different. The musicians moved in the space, the music flowed in the space, a conversation never to be repeated, reflecting time, place, participants, and one felt like even the act of listening was an act of participation. From there I moved onto the breathtaking, ethereal beauty of the performance by the International Contemporary Ensemble, a concert filled with new sounds: bowing on a box, scrapings and dragging, and yet entrancing beauty prevailed.

Thinking potential had been exhausted, I went from ICE to Milford Graves where watching him play and make sounds, his body and his drum kit seeming to become almost like one instrument, fascinated by the magic of his playing with an inverted grip that still seems impossible to manage. But it was more than drumming, more than beat, more than sound, with Mitchell, keening and singing, talking and muttering, drum and voice combining as if form and music were being pulled from the air and the breath of the audience itself.

I had a short break, during which time I hoofed it back to my hotel, fed and walked Tikka and neglected to feed myself. Something about unrealistic expectations may have been involved. And then the music, or at least my view of the music, was on again.

I started with Bela Fleck and Brooklyn Rider, my musical happy place, artists playing in my favorite forms: classical and bluegrass, but even then the results were more than the sum of the pieces, and Bela Fleck definitely has the necessary skills to write a sustained piece that is both intellectually stimulating and emotionally satisfying. Then the incredible saxophone of Evan Parker, filling the space in St. John's cathedral with warmth and life. I ended the day with Medeski, Martin and Wood, and performance that I intended as a brief stop in passing, but which I ended up staying for. Once upon a time I would have dismissed them, probably unknowingly, as being just another jam-based, waves of sound type band, but I would have been wrong. I stayed because I was fascinated. They are far better than that and the groups skill and musicianship was amazing. Risk-taking, genre bending music carried out with incredible skill and creativity. I was impressed.

I was also exhausted and realized I may have let my enthusiasm get the better of my common sense. But more about that in the future. It was time for rest.

March 27, 2018
Saturday Afternoon

Look! Look! New flowers!

The shrubs outside the front door are also getting ready to bloom. I have been asked if they bloomed, but I hadn't seen the blooms, or didn't notice them while the construction crew was here last spring. I think the shrubs are too big, but nothing is going to be done about them in the near future. I can only change so much at a time. But I like the way the top of the hedge looks like a see of buds.

I managed to walk up the steep hill toward the end of the street today, for the first time in over a week. There were days I walked around the neighborhood, except for that block, but not the last two days. Luckily most of the way home was downhill. I started uphill again just before I could finish one block and turn back down to my house, and I could feel my hip beginning to rebel, so I cam home. While I rested I've been playing with thread.

Mostly needlepoint, but some knitting too. I finally started the front of the Lazy Days tunic, and I also finally updated the knitting blog with the status of that project. Believe me, not much has been happening around here, and yet everything has been happening. New flowers arrived right before my eyes. The front of the sweater is going more easily than the back, but that is simply because my fingers finally have the feel for what they are doing. And the new peonies out front are poking up their heads, but they aren't very photogenic yet. Most of us eschew photographs immediately upon waking in the morning.

I'd like to add something about last night's symphony performance of Orff's Carmina Burana, but I really can't right now. It was fabulous and I enjoyed it immensely. But it is also getting caught up in all kinds of other random thoughts, thoughts that don't seem to have anything to do with Carmina Burana, but maybe they do. When I find a thread I'll let you know.

March 17, 2018
Five

1. A catch-up post of sorts. It seems that last week I was under the weather, psychologically or spiritually anyway, and I am although I am good this week there remains a bit of a backlog, a backlog which also reminded me that during periods of upheaval I often neglect things that are important to me. One of those things is that I stopped writing about music last fall and never caught up. I didn't stop going to concerts; there were simply other things going on in my life and I couldn't really marshal my thoughts into coherent patterns. Now all of a sudden I feel I have been remiss. I am trying to be consistent, and obviously occasionally failing at that, but I have simply decided to carry on, attempting to release the burdens of expectation I place on myself and accept that there are flows and eddies in life and in blogging. I shall simply hope not to bore you too often.

2. Nearly two weeks ago, on Sunday March 4th, I went to the last concert of the Knoxville Symphony's Chamber Classics series. It was a really sparkling and bubbly concert, and a perfect way to end a beautiful season. The concert was billed around Mozart's symphony #41, the "Jupiter" and that was, indeed, the final work, but the theme of the concert was Bach's third Brandenburg concerto, which opened the concert. The Bach was beautifully light and sparkling and the music seemed to dance through the hall. Aram Demirjian seems to have brought a greater emotional depth to performances, without overplaying, and there was a tightness and clarity to the music that reminded me how far this chamber orchestra has come since I moved to Knoxville, six years ago now. I sat, reveling in the music, perfectly content. The remainder of the concert focused on works that were inspired by or modeled after the third Brandenburg, including the aforementioned Mozart.

Of the middle pieces, Stravinsky's Concerto in E-flat major, called Dumbarton Oaks, was my favorite. This is Stravinsky in his more Neo-classical mode. Immediately following the Bach, as it was, the direct reference to the Brandenburg 3 was evident, and yet it still sounded like Stravinsky, crisp and modern. The music still danced, but that dance was a little dryer, the sparkle a little sharper. The third piece was entitled Muse, by Christopher Theofanidis, a piece specifically written as a modern reimagining, a "new" Brandenburg. It was melodic and contemporary and I suppose well played. I did not dislike it, but I have no specific memory of the work other than that it was pleasant and I caught the references to the Bach, some of which I thought were clever. I suppose I actually need to hear it again. This is not a criticism per se, merely an acknowledgement that I often need to hear something multiple times before I can coherently wrap my head around it.

Of course the Mozart was brilliant. The musicians managed to highlight the baroque polyphony in the finale without deemphasizing the very Mozartiness of the work. Again, the musicians played with intention and lightness and the music danced in a way that Mozart concerts rarely seem to achieve. We've grown so familiar with Mozart that I sometimes feel performances and audiences take it for granted. This was Mozart as we all know and love, but it was Mozart afresh, light and sparkling, music that is the star of the party, the guest who lights up the room with wit and charm, who carries people away in a bubble of their own making.

3. Friday, a week ago today, I went to a very different kind of performance. A modern opera, Follow Suit, performed by the local Marble City Opera Company. The libretto, which I was fortunate enough to be able to read before the performance, is by Emily Anderson and I found it light, charming and witty. The setting was in a hotel bar; as was the performance, and my group was lucky enough to arrive early and claim beautifully positioned seats for the performance, a position that hit the right balance between singers and musicians. The subject matter, wedding-centric, addressed relationships, failed and hopeful, fear, longing, and the burden of expectation, was deftty and skillfully explored. The music itself was a bit modern, a bit edgy in places, and it seemed to this listener to suit the setting and the subject well. I was completely charmed and I would love to see and hear this work again and again.

4. Despite my spring-induced urge to be out walking more, I have been slowed down right by hip and groin pain, partially involving the adductors and also some other muscles. This is a life-long issue, partially relating to some anatomical issues due to my scoliosis, but also severely aggravated by a twisting fall down a flight of stairs nearly 20 years ago, which luckily for me caused no fractures, but unluckily did result in some muscle tears and strains and probably helped precipitate some arthritic changes as well. At that time it took me six months to learn to walk again, at least walk well or for any distance. In comparison, this current pain is but a minor residual. There is little point in complaining, just adapting and accepting that my body will do the best it can if I give it both rest and opportunity. Besides adaptation surrounds me. It is spring. Forward movement and growth abound despite minor setbacks like spring frosts. Life moves forward, reminding me that flexibility, not certainty, is key. Perhaps fewer, shorter walks. Perhaps an occasional foray to the mall, despite the mind-numbing nature of mall-walking, on those days that even a slight incline becomes tortuous. I will be out among the flowers often enough.

5. And closing with yet more music, last Sunday afternoon I attended a beautiful performance of Durufle's Requiem. For me this was something new as I had only heard the work in its variations with organ (solo) or organ and chamber orchestra, but not with chamber orchestra alone. I was entranced, and promptly went out and bought a recording, which has entertained me during times of enforced rest, knitting or needlepoint in hand. I do think the orchestral version has become my favorite, although given that there are far more recordings with organ or organ and orchestra, this may be a minority view.

March 16, 2018
Five Things Friday

I arrived home yesterday afternoon to find the Amaryllis bulb that I had been given for Christmas had finally taken off, growing long and leggy during the five days of my absence. With the cold that followed Christmas in Knoxville, it had been frozen in a state of what felt like permanent waiting. Of course I could have turned the heat up in my house, up into the 70s, but frankly I am rarely all that cold, and I relished he idea of actually wearing my wool sweaters. I am now excited to see this Lenten Amaryllis indoors at a time when the yard is rich with lenten roses and I see the tender leaves of bulbs massing everywhere around: daffodils, hyacinths, tulips, irises, the occasional daylily. The bulbs are not so much in my yard, as I haven't really planted bulbs yet, trying mightily to stick to my one year moratorium on new plants, but the neighborhood is flush with new growth.

This morning I carted my coffee upstairs to my desk in one of the silver coffeepots I have inherited from various grandparents and aunts. This one is silver-plate, and I am using it simply because it is the first one that I pulled out of the cupboard. I've been using it for my morning coffee for a couple of weeks now. Surprisingly, it makes me happy, and has made me realize that I should really pull those silver services out of the cupboard and consider using them, perhaps even make a decision about which services and sizes and shapes would be useful in my life. It does not keep the coffee warm for hours, like the stainless carafe that is in the kitchen, but I don't really need hours, and I am thinking that a similar pot, perhaps combined with the silver samovar, which has a burner, could even be used for entertaining. Well, idle thoughts anyway.

While my mind is revolving around food and kitchens, I thought I'd also post this photo I took at French Ranges when I was in New York. One of the things I did, since I was in a city with a large selection of showrooms, was look at options for kitchens and baths, both appliances and hardware and hard surfaces. The LaCanche is my dream stove, and although this is not my model of choice, this is my color. it is still early, and there are still options and budgets, and compromises to be considered, but I think the LaCanche will remain the centerpiece of my new kitchen, however that will evolve.

After a morning talking stoves, and wandering around showrooms at 200 Lex we were tired and ready for a rest. We found our way down to Union Square Cafe, where we snagged a table at the bar and settled in for a cocktail and a leisurely lunch. I had scallop crudo and a tuna burger, ending with an espresso, although Liana, brave soul the she is, tried the new dessert on the menu. I've realized that although I love good food and nice restaurants, it was George who was more the white tablecloth, formal presentation person. I'm usually happy in the bar, where everything feels more casual but the food is just as good.

And finally, Tuesday night we went to Jacob Scharfman's recital at Juilliard. Jacob is George's cousin twice-removed, and his father, Dan, was a dear friend, whom I had been happy to get to know in our younger days, even though we had not seen each other often enough as the years passed. Jacob sang one of George's favorite songs, and I am certain he and Dan were both smiling down on this concert. which was incredible. With each work, especially the operatic selections, but also for the broadway song, I felt bereft that I couldn't hear the entire work right then, with this brilliant young man singing. I think Jacob is a young man to follow and I wish him great success. After the concert, Liana and I went for a late bite at Bar Boulud, heads and hearts still swimming with the music. Photo above courtesy of Liana Sandin.

February 16, 2018
Weekend in NY

I'm a little scattered this morning, and the post I was planning on posting this morning, that I had started writing and then abandoned is just that, abandoned. I took photos in a rush, which is always a mistake, and now I am unhappy with myself because I must go back to the source and take new photos.

I'm not too unhappy however, because I am having a wonderful time in New York City. I flew in Saturday, and went to the Ballet that evening. Walking up the stairs to the balcony lobby in he David Koch theater and seeing that space filled with colorful balloons, creating a buoyant wonderland of color floating through the room, was a magical moment in and of itself. The installation is by Jihan Zencirli and I felt like a child playing with bubbles as we walked around it, as did many others apparently, wonder on their faces, people pulling their friends over and snapping selfies with balloons during intermissions. Young, and old alike smiling, momentary glimpses of childish glee on the most carefully composed of faces. And yes, the ballet was stunning as well, an all Balanchine program, beautifully performed. I haven't been to the ballet, to a really good ballet in years, and I don't have the words for it, except to say that magic happened all around.

Sunday it rained, quite heavily at times, but we were out in the morning, exploring, wandering, Trying to stay dry, not always successfully. We had thought we would go someplace and be promptly indoors, but it didn't quite work out that way. By 1PM, tired, hungry, and also a bit wet, we decided to retire to the hotel, where we could while away the hours with a drink and a nibble.

We had tickets again that evening, again at Lincoln Center, but this time at Alice Tully Hall, a part of the Chamber Music Society of Lincoln Center's series. Somehow, out of pure dumb luck, I think we may have gotten some of the best seats in the house. We were up in the balcony, so not close, but the sound was marvelous. We could hear every note, separately and also as a part of the whole, combining, and blending, merging into the conversation of the music. The music was just that, a conversation between the performers, exactly what chamber music should be, something I had not been aware I had really been missing (I had not gotten tickets to one small venue in Knoxville this year, a decision that might have been a mistake). Best of all, in the final piece, the Dvorak quintet #2 in G major, for two violins, viola, cello, and double bass, they performed the original scoring, with five movements, and it was just stunning. The two slow movements add a balance and a depth to the piece that is not as evident in the four-movement version. The soft notes of the double bass, played by Edgar Meyer, in the second movement were breath-taking, as in fact was the entire, stunning, performance.

The rain was finally lifting so we decided to walk. We stopped at the same restaurant we had eaten in the night before, Remi, just a couple of blocks from our hotel, but this time we were seated by the window, looking into he courtyard/pedestrian walkway. I was entranced by the view of the courtyard and the play of light through the window, the reflections, and shadows. I'm not sure I captured it here, but I hope you get a little bit of the feel of the place.

We walked back to the hotel through a series of pedestrian walkways, stopping to take some photos, then stopping for a grand mariner in lieu of dessert at the hotel bar. I was entranced once again by the really rather mundane view out the window, the play of light and color, shadow and shape of the lights and the buildings, Applebees and all. Greater America and New York combined, high and low and everything in between, melting together.

February 13, 2018