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Giving Thanks

It is the nearing the end of Thanksgiving Day here in the United States, and it has been a lovely day, revolving as it has around family and food, and the rituals we humans share of filling body and heart with warmth, companionship, and love. Thanksgiving is a good day, and I am grateful for it and the opportunity to reconnect and reconsider all the good things in our lives.

I spent much of the early part of the day in the kitchen, cooking at a rather leisurly pace since I was not hosting the actual dinner, and this gave me ample time for reflection as I worked. It was a pleasure to be working in the kitchen, sunshine filling the house, G entranced by the Thanksgiving Day Parade, occasionally dozing.

It seems like it had been an eternity since I actually enjoyed cooking, reveled in it in fact, and it struck me on Thanksgiving morning how lucky we were to have found this peaceful place in our lives.

As I chopped and stirred, cleaned and started the process all over again, I thought about how well this move to Knoxville has gone, how much happier G is here, and how memory and the weight of history is sometimes a burden too great to bear. Although there are many good things to say about this move, I am also certain that no small part of the improvement is due to the simple fact of the change in location. Part of acceptance involves letting go of the past. In the process of releasing those parts of our pasts that weigh us down, we also release our selves from self recrimination and even allow memory to flow more freely.

Freed from the constraints of "should-have-done" we are free to enjoy and explore.

There was a brief moment during my kitchen labors when my personal demon, the little gluttonous spirit who drives me to over-do, tried to step up and plague my thoughts, but I banished her as I placed a bowl of onions in the freezer for a few moments so I could chop them without crying, and instead thought sharing food is an act of love and a reaching out to others. Enjoy the process and the sharing and it is enough, but too much of anything becomes a burden. Better to cook with love; better to sit on the sofa holding my sweetheart's hand.

I shall simply give thanks that I have enough.

Well, perhaps I have too much cranberry sauce.

November 22, 2012
Brooches

Une Femme has put out a call for the showing of the brooches. Oddly enough, I have been wearing a few brooches lately and it seemed fitting that I should comply.

I don't have many vintage brooches. This one is an exception in many ways, not in the least of which is that it was given to me by G over a decade ago, and it is not the kind of strongly modern piece that usually attracted his attention. I have also worn it rather regularly since he gave it to me even though I went through a long period where I otherwise did not wear brooches.

When I was in my 20's I was enthralled by brooches and pins of all sorts. I wore them all the time, on jackets, on belts, on my collars and my cuffs. Mostly they were cheap things; they often broke. Few of them remain in my collection. Later, I drifted away from brooch wearing although I never quite gave up on them.

The coral and gold cameo is the only brooch that I packed in the immediately accessible "will wear" box when we moved. Everything else went into a vault, where it still languishes, or carefully wrapped up in a box to be sorted through later. Most of the contents of that box remained under wraps until lately when I have begun fishing out a few things. It seems I made a few major miscalculations as to which pieces I would want to wear, and as soon as I finish a few other projects that I have been obsessing over lately, I will turn my attentions to sorting through the jewelry box as somewhere hidden in that box is a tiny silver Llama pin from South America that my grandparents gave me when I was quite young, and which I have been longing to wear again.

While I was searching for that llama, I happend across this much larger (and therefore more easily found) silver pin which I have since been wearing a great deal. I am not, for the most part, attracted to really geometric pins but I find this one fascinating because all the little square pieces in the center move around so you can rearrange their alignment. If you click on the photo to bring up the enlarged version you might see the single open space in the upper left hand corner (with a bit of scarf peeking through) and that the pieces are not fixed together.

The last piece I want to share is the only piece that remains from my 20's. I haven't really worn it much in recent years and yet I can't bring myself to let it go either. It was the first piece of "real" jewelry I ever purchased for myself and it continues to have strong sentimental value. The last few times I wore it, in fact, I wore it as a pendant on a fine gold chain, layered with another necklace under a simple shirt. I haven't given up on it as a brooch, just expanded the options.

November 21, 2012
Just Another Monday

It has been cooler here in Knoxville this fall than it was most of last winter, and I admit I am enjoying the crisp mornings. The best news is that I am finally sorting through my supply of more wintery clothes, which have been sadly negleted since my arrival, and I am thrilled to be pulling out wools and cashmeres and rediscovering old favorites.

Still everything is different here. I am different here too, less worried about things, more relaxed, more willing to let clothes just be clothes, at least most of the time.

Shirt: J Crew summer 2011

Sweater: Bompard fall 2011

Jeans: Lafayette 148 New York spring 2012

Shoes: Moschino, at least 4 years old, quite possibly older.

Things I have learned:

1. I had forgotten how much I like a classic button-front shirt worn with a sweater.

2. When wearing a fairly sporty outfit like this, narrow jeans, sweater, shirt, I found I prefered a feminine shoe, heels or a pretty flat. With heavy shoes or boots I felt too clunky. I am still trying to figure out my boundaries as to what makes one combination feel just right and another not so good.

3. i don't particularly like sleeves that extend down over my hand, even just to the metacarpal joint of the thumb, except in outerwear. For non-coats I prefer that sleeves only go to my wrist bones, and I prefer them narrow. I might like a soft wide sleeve if it were short, somewhere between 3/4 and bracelet length, but I don't really know. Most of my sleeves are too long and too wide and I fuss with them all the time. The outfit above was perfect. This is an issue that requires more thought.

It has been a long time since I've joined the group over at Not Dead Yet Style for Visible Monday. Come on by a visit.

November 19, 2012
Transitions

Duchesse asked for a closer shot of my hair.

The current cut is still transitional in that it will take a long time to grow out the layers to a more uniform length.. The problem with the earlier haircut wasn't so much that it was short, although that was part of it, but that I am no longer interested in the many short layers that gave curl and "life" to my otherwise fairly fine hair. Although I wore my hair intentionally mussed for years, I realize now that I like it a little on the sleeker side without being severe. What I learned is that there is a balance between the long and the short that needs to be maintained, and that is where my cut has gone astray.

In order to keep my hair from being either fine-flat or a heavy limp mess as I have a lot of hair, layers are necessary. The bangs need to grow out, and then be thinned, and you can see that this side is still heavy. In fact this heaviness will be the most annoying part of the transition process for me. My hair is on the fine side, but I have a lot of it, and taming it as it grows will take some patience. It will obviously be a couple of months before I have the length I need but so far the transition is working well.

This side needs less attention.

In retrospect, now that I am looking at these pictures, I see that the cut was very much in keeping with how I wore my hair for the past few years. But I'm not the same, and that cut doesn't fit anymore. It is time to move on.

November 14, 2012
Normal?

Well, here I am, more or less back to normal. If only I could pin down what that actually meant I'm sure everything would be ducky.

At least I am not coughing much, an occasional anemic piffle comes out of my chest, but I suspect as things go I had a fairly mild case of bronchitis. Nonetheless, I hope my first experience was my last. I was back at the gym this morning and I can't really believe how good it felt to be moving again, how sluggish I had felt during the period of recuperation.

But much as I would like to claim that my renewed sense of ease in my own skin was due to glowing health, it would not be the complete truth. In truth this feeling of being more comfortable in my skin owes more to vanity than to health. In short, it is a hair issue.

In September there was some miscommunication between myself and my hairdresser. My layers had grown too long, it was hot and humid, and, in retrospect, we were each saying exactly what we meant, we were not speaking the same language, and the result was not the one I was looking for. For me, being appalled at my haircut was a relevation, as it was not until I moved to Knoxville and got the style I have (mostly) sported since that I ever really thought of my hair as an integral part of my image of myself. Before that, haircuts were something I got, and I thought of my hair as something with a mind of its own, something outside my control. My new style changed all that, and I saw a more unified version of myself, for the first time how I looked and how I perceived myself to be seemed to show the possibility of alignment.

Until September. The haircut was not bad. It was not that it was short, but rather more the allusions of pixiness that bothered me. My hair was cut in a pixie haircut most of my childhood. It flattered my face and it was cute. There is nothing wrong with cute, but it is not how I vew my 54-year–old self. And herein lay the dilemna. I admit the hair was attractive. I got many compliments, but the hair did not align with the aspects of my shape, style, and personality that I am most comfortable with, and emphasized parts which although no less attractive or even desireable perhaps, were not the parts that I sit easily with my spirit. If I didn't style my hair, just let it do its thing, it would emphasize my height and shoulders in a way that felt distinctly un-feminine and almost butch, especially with the sportier clothes I favor. On the other hand, styling could easily tend toward a kind of round-faced girlish prettiness that, although it is there, does not align smoothly with my view of myself and the way I occupy physical space. It is not that I don't occasionally like feminine, pretty, or even girlish things, or even frivolous fascinators, but that these things aren't part of my prefered mode of being. We all have these views of ourselves, the aspects of our physical, mental, and even emotional selves that we feel comfortable sharing, and the sides of ourselves about which we feel more protective.

I simply felt less comfortable in my skin, and now I feel like I am back to being myself. Although it is fun sometimes to play with different aspects of our persona, it is also nice to feel like I have returned home, where my inner view of myself and the reflection in the mirror exist in harmony,

November 12, 2012
flitting, flitting……resting

I've been flitting about like a mad hummingbird all week, all flighty and flitty, and flibbity gibbity. Unable to sit still, to follow a thought, just bouncing along.

Blame it on modern medicine and last week's congested buggy-thing. Of course then I was sick, with a 5 day sinus headache and congestion in my bronchial passages that would not go away and I still managed to work, blog, and go to the gym. I even managed to participate in my gym's barbells for boobs fundraiser, and finished my workout in the requisite time. The the previously intermittent coughing decided it was time to dig in permanently.

I gave up and went to the a walk in clinic where I walked out with two cough syrups and a prednisone dose-pack but luckily, or so I thought, no antibiotics. Well, it has been a few years since I was on more than 20 mg of prednisone at a time and I forgot that larger doses turn me into a virtual human-hummingbird, flitting here and there never stopping, all butterfly-brained, never resting. Combine that with codeine and it was a lost cause. I'm also one of the minority of people for whom codeine makes me wired as all get-out.

Years ago I was on Tylenol #3 for back pain. I'd be up for 3 days then crash for 24 hours and repeat. When I was up it was like I was main-lining caffeine. I felt productive as long as there was lots of stuff to do, lots of things to push around, and very little on my agenda that required deliberate thought.

This week I've had the hyper-hypers in spades, although I have slept lightly at night. Until today. I am about to crash. But at least my head is clear and I can breathe. I am still coughing a little but probably not so much that I it will wake me. I'm hoping tomorrow will be just another normal day.

The candy bowl is by the door, awaiting the arrival of pumpkins, goblins, and other small unearthly creatures. Dinner is on the stove. I'll probably be in bed about the same time as the wee ones tonight.

October 31, 2012
An Anniversary gift of Pearls

Last week was our 26th wedding anniversary. We celebrated by going out to the symphony and hearing a lovely performance of Candide.

A few days before our anniversary G and his caregiver went shopping at. Luckily I had found a shop that had some suitable options, and on our anniversary he presented me with a small box containing these lovely bronze and baroque pearl earrings by Margaret Ellis.

I hadn't really known anything about Margaret Ellis before I moved here, but I really like her work. Over the summer I had been wishing for something long and light, modern and a bit edgy all at once, preferably with pearls, and when I found this long necklace I snapped it up. Luckily, it goes beautifully with my new earrings and I wore both pieces to the symphony.

Generally I would be more attracted to the silver jewelry, which is what you predominantly see on the website, but the warmer color of these pieces really struck me. I had in fact wanted a gold necklace with pearls but hadn't found anything that wasn't too serious or too pretty, and this hit just the right note. Perfect for my life right now, and probably well into the future.

October 24, 2012
A Chicago Weekend

It seems strange to me that it has been two weeks since I spent a fabulous weekend with friends in Chicago. Liana and I flew in on Thursday and spent a couple of lovely days meeting friends, chatting and knitting by the fire,

snoop shopping, window shopping, or just looking at clothes not thinking of buying them but of what inspires us, how they are made, what the designer has put together and why, comparing notes on what intrigued us and why.

This is the back of a dress by Ralph Rucci. The dress is a heavy jersey. The band at the hip is woven. Note the detailed stitching and the shaping that is incorporated into the design.

Liana was a great shopping companion as she is very detail oriented and observant about cut and technique, noticing subtleties that many others would miss. We were also both great fans of this detail at Moncler, whose coats are all too warm for Tennessee winters.

My photo is not good. But if you look carefully you will see the three rows of zipper teeth, graduated in size, with only the center zipper being functional. A similar treatment was used as a waistband treatment in a coat of the same heavy textured wool boucle.

Some fun was had as well…

trying on hats at Neiman Marcus.

As was getting our makeup done, also at Neiman's, before going out to opening night at the Lyric Opera with our friends Patti and Norm to hear Elektra.

Norm and I were the only members of our party who had not made our opera outfits, although I had intended to make mine. I have several evening things I want to make but I seriously miscalculated the demands on my time. They will still get made. I'm a firm believer in the old adage "if you make it the occasion will come".

Luckily I had this dress still in my closet left over from a few events in my heavier days in NY. It was passable, and several inches longer than the last time I wore it. I needed new shoes to carry it off. I actually look a lot like my paternal grandmother in this photo. I tried to channel a little bit of her drama but I don't think I quite pulled it off. The evening was fabulous regardless.

October 22, 2012
Things I love this week

My threads arrived for the beginning needlepoint class I am taking. I was a bit apprehensive. I had an idea of what I wanted but ordering colors from an online color chart involves a certain amount of faith and guesswork, and I can be surprisingly picky about colors.

Today is the second class. My thread arrived yesterday. I love the colors, they are just what I wanted. I feared the two light purples (seen together to the right of the photo, next to the rust swatch) are too close in value, and they may be. I have ordered another shade, darker than these but lighter than the deeper colors, but it is backordered for two weeks. I ony need three to 4 colors, so I am fine even without it.

The bit of rust is my initial foray into basketweave stitch. There are a few glitches in my tension, and it would have looked nicer if I had pulled that stray thread out of sight before I snapped a picture, but otherwise I am in love with needlepoint and my colors. I can't wait for more.

After class this afternoon, I may settle down with some needlepoint, but I am also planning on starting to read the new issue of The Gentlewoman. It arrived yesterday, and I adore this photo of Angela Lansbury on the cover. There is just so much character, intelligence, wit and grace captured in this photo. She looks like more than just a star, she looks like someone with whom I'd like to sit and chat for a while. So often photos of actors and stars look shallow, as if one was looking at a persona or a mask rather than the actual person. Not this photo.

Well, at least I have the magazine and a few hours.

October 16, 2012
What I learned from Summer…the sundress edition

I have trouble believing it has been two months since I posted a picture of the sundresses I purchased to get me through my first Knoxville summer. I never intended the lag between the posts to develop into such a chasm, but now that autumnal weather finally seems to be settling in it seems to be a good time to clean up unfinished business from the last season.

All four sundresses were successful in that they were comfortable, presentable, and allowed me to get through the summer without fretting or worrying. None of them were perfect in that I do not see them becoming mainstays of my wardrobe, a couple of them will not even last until next summer, but the effects of this experiment will be with me a long time as they really helped me focus and refine my thoughts.

Lets start with the extremes. My favorite dress was the blue knit dress, and my least favorite was the red. They had much to recommend them. The fabric draped nicely and felt fairly cool for a knit. They were comfortable on all but the most humid days, and I felt they really handled the heat and humidity well for the most part. I liked the shaping at the top, the slight empire-line and the bit of a bubble shape to the skirt which kept the dress away from the body enough that it did not cling, a boon in hot humid weather. I also liked the wide faced band at the hem, which weighted the skirt and allowed it to hang gracefully.

So what distinguished the two? Why is one on the best list and the other slated for the discard pile? One feature is length. You will notice from the picture that the blue dress is slightly longer than the red dress. Although you cannot tell this from the photo at right, the blue dress hangs right to the center of the knee-cap. This is a very flattering length on me, and it makes the dress much more versatile as it is equally flattering with flat sandals or heels and a jacket or cardigan. The length, combined with the color make it a dress that can be worn three seasons of the year.

The red dress, which is the first one I bought, hits at the top of the knee. It is cute as a casual summer garment. But that is all. It looks off when worn with more serious shoes or a jacket. It cannot be dressed up and taken out someplace nice; it is merely a play dress, and therefore its usefulness is limited.

Also the fabric on these dresses was not ideal. The rayon knit had a nice weight which allowed it drape well. But both dresses pilled terribly, especially under the arms. This is most evident in the lighter color of the red dress, which looks quite worn after one season. Granted, I wore each dress at least once a week for 5 months, but I think the cost was still too high for a dress that will really only survive one season. The blue dress is still being worn and will work well throughout the fall and probably even into the early spring. However it will not be presentable for another summer of wear. And yet, these dresses will live on as inpsiration for a new summer dress next year. Come spring, when the blue dress is looking tired, I shall use it to make a pattern for a new summer dress, where it will beget many generations of future summer dresses.

But what about the two linen sundresses? They were perfectly nice dresses and they perfectly fulfilled the role I anticipated for them so I cannot say that they were anything but successes. The linen was comfortable in hot humid weather. I wanted something swishy and long that would feel graceful and protect my legs from the summer sun without having to resort to sunscreen.But I liked the way the knit dresses looked on me more than I liked the two linen dresses. They weren't awful, but I think there is room for improvement. The long length paired with the width of the skirt made me feel dumpy. I don't actually mind the fact that I have hips, but in the dress I felt like my short legs looked even shorter.

I wonder if I would like this dress better if the skirt were a little narrower such as is seen in this pattern by Burda. And there is nothing at all wrong with a princess-seamed knee-length linen dress. In the end I may decide that I prefer shorter skirts. I have certainly discovered that I love knee-length pencil skirts in any season, and a flared skirt which hits at the knee is certainly more slimming and graceful in many ways than a long skirt.

I started the summer wanting dresses but not really knowing what kind of dresses I wanted. Increasingly I seem to be leaning toward simple shapes at about knee length, but there is no harm in exploring other options. Next spring I can play with refashioning these dresses into something that not only will get me through another season, but which I might actually love to wear.

October 10, 2012