Author: 459856pwpadmin

  • Rediscovering some old favorites and a new combination

    Let's see, when last I posted semi-regularly on this blog I was fretting about clothes that fit and clothes that didn't fit.  That situation hasn't really changed much.  I am  much the same size as before and I still haven't gone through my closets in any organized fashion. Things that fit still cohabit with things that are either too big (the larger pile) or too small (the smaller pile) and there is still much sorting out to do.  There is a growing pile of things I need to do "something" about.

    All in all I would say things are normal.

    What I have come to terms with is the fact that I love to look at fashion magazines and pictures of clothes and I love shopping but I am not interested in being "in fashion".  And although I love looking at fashion magazines, I love it for looking at the clothes as objects but not necessarily as something I must have.  The clothes I wear are things that I love in and of themselves, and because I love them for themselves I will wear them.  And if something is perfect it is perfect. — it cannot be knocked off.  This is perhaps part of the reason why I am not interested in making all my own clothes.  I love shopping and looking.  I love finding the perfect thing, be it simple or complex, expensive or inexpensive.  Now I also recognize that few things live up to that image of "perfect" as it exists in my mind, so there is plenty of room for snoop-shopping and inspiration gathering and the making of clothes that are my own interpretations of those inspiration garments

    PICT1100
    I don't exactly know where I am going with this except that I want to explore what I buy, what I make, what inspires me and how and why I make the choices I do.  Probably this is all boring self-indulgent stuff, but then what is a blog but a place to explore all these random thoughts running around my brain?  In the end it comes back to sewing, and even though I don't want to sew everything, the idea that I don't have to sew everything is somewhat liberating and allows me to hold those things I do make, that turn out to be perfect in their own ways, in a special place.

    Take this photo, taken in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, with the old camera.  

    The pleated skirt.  This is a pleated Pendleton skirt that is a few years old (3-4). I tried it on in early December and it was too big.  I hemmed and hawed a bit, because I have several pleated skirts that just don't seem to be me — but they are longer, lower calf length, and I don't think I will be keeping them although I may repurpose the fabric.  

    This skirt however is different.  The length, just at the bottom of the knee is flattering, and I absolutely love the shades of blue and olive in this skirt.  So although I was not completely certain about the style, I took it up anyway.  I still have lingering doubts that it is too preppy, but I do actually like this outfit and these pieces have given me new ideas about the skirt and perhaps new ways to wear it that I hadn't considered before.  If I do grow tired of the skirt I can always use the fabric for something else. In fact I love the fabric so much that I bought more of the fabric when Ann first posted it over at Gorgeous Fabrics in case I decided not to save the skirt or I wanted to make a dress or something. I have no trouble with having more of this fabric in my stash.  I love plaids, or more exactly I often love the idea of plaids but rarely find a plaid fabric that I actually love.  For me this one is a must have, and I am surprised there is still a small piece left, but then it is not really typical plaid colors.

    The turtleneck is a soft blue-green which matches the skirt pretty closely.  It is from J Crew and is at least 10 years old, probably older. It had been retired for a few years as it had become a little too snug.  I have a collection of turtlenecks in all the variations of shades of soft to medium blue-green, and all about this size, so I am happy to be able to wear them again as they are among my favorite colors.  

    The flat teal boots I bought at Zappos a couple of years ago, after having them on my wish list for a while and watching the price steadily go down.   In the end I am glad I got them; they are long enough to go up over my knee if I turn the cuff up, and I wear this color a lot.  I did not plan on wearing them with this skirt, that just worked out, but it plays perfectly into my theory that if you buy and make things you really love, the combinations will become evident.
  • What I got for Christmas

    G has just gone out of the house to get a hair cut and go to the post office.  He has gone by himself and I am beside myself with glee.  So apparently I am celebrating by writing a blog post.

    For those of you who don't check out the other blogs, G has not gone out by himself for many months.  He had lost all initiative and ability to find ways to entertain himself.  He had surgery in mid December and is very much changed and much more like the person he once was.  His memory is pretty iffy.  He does not remember much of the last two years, he sometimes has trouble recalling people or events, and there are days he is sharp and days in which the previous day is already as myth.  But he is entranced by life, observant, and eager to participate.  He loves talking to people and doing things again, and yes, he can go out by himself.  This is indeed the Christmas present I was hoping for.

    Canon G9
    Also under the tree was a new camera.  

    I was really looking forward to this and was determined to buy myself one after Christmas (remember that I said that initiative was not one of G's strong suits a mere two weeks ago).  But the camera came.

    For years, until I got this blog, I was not really much of a taker of photos.  I still forget to carry my camera with me, and even if I do have it I forget to take pictures.  But I am getting much more interested in photographs, specifically in taking pictures of things I make and the garden, but hey, a girl's gotta start somewhere.

    So I wanted a camera that had more capabilities than  my simple pocket-sized point-and-shoot, but I was not quite ready for full SLR mode.  This camera looks great.  I have already taken photos in auto mode, but haven't yet started learning how to actually set my own lens openings and move into "real" photography.

    It is winter and my house has problems with light in the winter either too much or too little, so I know this will be a good training ground.

    Those were the big gifts, and the biggest of all is the most intangible.
    But I also got:

    ** A couple of knitting bags
    **  A pair of socks and some sock yarn
    ** A pretty new necklace

    But I am starting to ramble.  I have so much to say but  I also  have some sewing to do.  Well actually I have some mending and alterations to do first and then some sewing to do.  But none of that can happen until I do some ironing.  It seems that I have done no ironing since before G's surgery and every piece of clothing I own is piled up on the cutting table waiting to be ironed. 

    Gee I guess there are advantages to having generous closets.  

    More later.

  • Thoughts after reading THE BIG SORT

    I just finished reading The Big Sort by Bill Bishop
    and it has been running around my head like some kind of ball bouncing off the
    walls. Occasionally this ball seems to hit me in the head, knocking me down,
    which only serves to give the ball of my thoughts more momentum and begin the
    process all over again.

     

    I learned all kinds of interesting little facts that
    were new to me although some of them were obvious once I started thinking about
    lifestyles and people and the mobility of modern society.  Some of them, like the information
    about child rearing  priorities,
    which
    Grace posted, make perfect sense, but wouldn’t have occurred to me
    before.

     

    But it is not these facts that cause my
    discomfort.   I am
    uncomfortable about this whole process of social segregation, which also
    becomes a political and ideological segregation even as I myself see myself
    easily slipping into a particular part of the divide.  Even as I read the statistics and accept
    that the more educated people are the more liberal they tend to become, even as
    I lean toward those liberal enclaves and would be very happy with certain
    aspects of the lifestyle that draws and attracts many of the bright,
    interesting, open-minded people, even as I know that once one finds oneself in
    a group of likeminded people one becomes more extreme as the group become a
    little more extreme (liberal or conservative), even as I agree with people’s
    choices and why they make them and think that I would and might still make some
    of the same choices,  I find myself
    quite uneasy with the very idea of segregating ourselves into like-minded
    communities.

     

    Somewhere in the book Bishop notes that the more
    educated people are the LESS likely they are to be able to tolerate discussing
    politics with someone with opposing beliefs.

     

    Herein lies the root of my discomfort.

     

    Perhaps a little history is in order:

    Once upon a time there was a young girl who left a
    small town in Texas to go “East” to school.  She came from a fairly conservative place, although there
    were both Democrats and Republicans in her family’s immediate circle of friends.  But there was a barrier in the town
    between the politics of the local university and the politics of the town
    itself. 

     

    This girl was already chafing at the boundaries of
    thought and acceptance at home, and although she realized that her thoughts and
    beliefs were highly influenced by her upbringing, she was eager to begin seeing
    and learning more.  Already she was
    appalled at how comfortable people were in their narrow set of beliefs, and how
    closed they were to new ideas or different views of the world. She wanted to go
    to a place where she believed that people would look at all the information,
    discuss ideas openly and rationally and perhaps come to some kind of reasoned
    belief that perhaps stemmed from equal consideration of opposing views.  The woman I have become sees that this
    girl who was once myself was incredibly naive.

     

    This young girl went to her liberal-arts college,
    which is indeed quite liberal, and although she became more liberal herself (which
    would have happened anyway) she was quite shocked and disillusioned to learn
    that liberals could be just as closed minded as conservatives.  She learned that truly impartial
    inquiry with the desire to learn the truth is an exceedingly rare thing in this
    life.  She learned that most people
    gravitate to tribes, and having chosen their group they embrace its tenets
    wholesale and whole-heartedly, without necessary questioning the
    transition.  Of course she
    recognized that true open-mindedness was difficult, and that all people develop
    biases and assumptions based on their upbringing, biases which are often
    unrecognized, but she still hoped that she, and others like her, would try, at
    least occasionally, to cross the divide of difference and reach some understanding.

     

    This book reminds me of an episode from the end of my
    college years.  That liberal arts
    college was Vassar College and my senior year there was a bit of an uproar over
    the commencement speaker. 
    Apparently a questionnaire had been sent out asking the class to
    vote.  Not many students responded,
    and of those that had, more had voted for William F. Buckley Jr. than any other
    prospective speaker.  When it came
    to light, much later in the year, that Mr. Buckley would be our speaker my
    class revolted.  A petition was
    signed with the intention of un-inviting the commencement speaker.  Many were outraged.  They were appalled that their liberal
    ears might have to hear words spoken by a pillar of conservatism.

     

    I too was appalled.  I did not sign the petition.  I was shocked that a group of highly intelligent people,
    people who supposedly had been educated to read and listen critically, to
    cipher-out and discern truth, could be so afraid of what one conservative man
    might say that they were unwilling to listen to him.   Even if most of the class had not voted for Mr.
    Buckley, I felt they should accept the responsibility and listen to what he had
    to say.  After all those who did
    not vote were equally as responsible as those who did, by abdicating their role
    in the selection process they were accepting the choice of those who did vote.

     

    In the end, Mr. Buckley did not speak.  He withdrew; making a comment that my
    classmates (myself included by association) were “ferocious illiterates”, once
    again proving that childish partisanship was the norm.  To my mind that epithet was a slap in
    the face, symbolizing as it did the failure of rational intelligent human
    beings to behave in a rational, intelligent and civil manner.  To many of my classmates it was a badge
    of honor.

     

    The segregation of society makes the extremes all the
    more powerful.  I consider myself
    fortunate to live in a place that is pretty equally divided between Democrat
    and Republican, where the differences between “sides” in any election is a
    matter of a few percentage points. 
    The battles seem to be becoming increasingly bloody, but it is still
    possible to find many people along the long fence that is the middle.   I consider myself fortunate to
    have friends on both sides of that line, although I recognize that many of my Republican
    friends are truly moderates in many ways and are dinosaurs in their own
    party.   There is no place for the pro-choice Republican who drives a
    Prius in this world.  And the world
    is a smaller place because of this.

     

    This is what truly saddens me, the loss of the
    middle, the idea that life and culture has to be lived in black and white, with
    even divisions between us and them, right and wrong, good and evil, liberal and
    conservative.  I mourn the loss of
    the independent thinker.  I mourn
    the loss of the idea that there is a commonality that binds people.  Even as I know that I would fall on the
    clearly educated, liberal side of this divide, and even as I know that I don’t
    really want to live with bible-thumping, child-spanking, close-minded
    neighbors, I mourn the fact that we are pushing ourselves further and further
    apart.

     

    Extremes of any sort have always made me
    nervous.  They still do.  They make me nervous even as I see that
    my own inclinations make me a part of the divide.  But the divide here isn’t about politics; politics are
    merely a symptom.  Are we becoming
    a nation of haves and have-nots, of the educated upwardly mobile and the less educated
    and downwardly mobile?  Is this
    what we want?  Do the educated have
    some responsibility to the rest of the population of the country?   There will always be variations
    in intelligence, wealth, and standing in any society.  But are we replacing a society of nobility and serfdom with a
    society of paternalistic intellectual elite who peer down upon those on the
    “less-enlightened” side of the divide?

     

    I enjoy the fruits of living in a society and an age
    where I can chose where I live and the kind of people I live with.  But I fear the psychology of groups and
    I fear that even a society of educated, thoughtful people, can forget to
    question their assumptions.  

  • Vanity, Vanity, All is Vanity

    You probably noticed the two new links on the sidebar.

    Some time ago I received an email from a friend asking me if I was aware of Goodreads.  At the time I was in the middle of an internal argument about books, libraries, and lists of books read and unread.  The lists of books on the sidebar grew too long and tedious but if I removed them from the sidebar they would be harder to access.  Of course, it would have made sense to make an annual post on books read but I had never quite managed to do that, and I was wrapped up in my internal dialog about whether or not posting the list was valuable or important or just an exercise in meaningless vanity.

    I always have this weakness about lists.  I love lists.  I love to do lists, lists of books to read, things to do, places to go, lists of things I have done.  But another part of me wonders about the point and questions my motives.  Why do I need a list of books I have read?  

    Do I need a list so I can remember what I have read? Well, yes it is true that occasionally I forget I have read a book and it might be nice to know I already read it. Of course if I have forgotten reading a book it can't hurt me to read it again.  Usually this happens with silly popular fiction books which are eminently forgetable anyway. 

    Do I need a list to prove something?  Obviously that is a complex question as there is no reason to write a review, keep a blog, post books one has read to an internet list, or review them in any public forum if there is not some desire for sharing, showing-off, or perhaps just finding like-minded readers.

    Does rating a book and writing a review help me coalesce my own thoughts on the book?  If so something like Goodreads provides one place to keep all this information, rather than the random collection of books and journals that have served over the years.

    Despite my misgivings I jumped right in and started entering my lists.   This encouraged me to finally go back to entering my Library on LibraryThing. 

    So what have I learned?

    I like goodreads for lists of books read and to be read as separate entities from books I actually own.  Although I have read most of the books I own, there are many books I have read but don't chose to own.

    * I find the rating system to be frustrating, if not meaningless.  Since I don't keep every book  I read, it is likely that books I own would be highly rated.  Now there are some books that I own which are not, on an objective basis, all that good, but even so I have saved them for a reason and this may affect the ratings.  Even with books I have read but don't own, I can't say that I used the same standards to rate all books.  I am not a professional critic, I am not really interested in critically reviewing most books.  My ratings are subjective and based on my enjoyment of the book, not necessarily the quality of the writing.  But sometimes the quality of the writing, or lack thereof does affect my rating.  Sometimes I can get all intrigued with the technique of the writing, especially if the author is trying something daring or difficult.  I may rate this work highly even if the author is not completely successful in his/her attempt.

    * I do remember all the books I have read, often more clearly than I wold have thought.

    * I am not good at reviewing books.  It takes me sometime to put my thoughts about a book in words and even then I am not good at pointing out what I liked and why I liked it.  I have let myself get too soft through the head.  I never claimed to be or wanted to be an academic.  I am far more interested in my reaction to and enjoyment of a book than it's objective merits.  But I would like to be able explain what I like and why and I find this quite difficult.
    The book lists on the sidebar will disappear by the end of the year.

  • After the power came back on, we turned off all the lights so we could watch the sunset.

    PICT1118
  • Friday we hope to break the cycle.

    Friday is surgery day.

    Life is on hold; or at least it seems that way.  We go  through the motions, with occasional eruptions of fear, anger, despair, and yes hope, snuggling, hand-holding, and cuddling.  

    They say it is a fairly straight-forward thing.  And yet it has the potential to change everything.  Or do I hope for too much??  He fears, more so than his previous surgeries.  I hope, for I fear that the alternative is blackness and loss.  He hopes.  He wants his life back.  He wants to be able to enjoy his time.  I fear.  I fear it will not be enough.  I fear I am hoping for too much.  

    Hope and Fear locked arm in arm.  Friday we hope to break the cycle.
  • Giving Thanks

    PICT1093
    On this National Holiday of Thanksgiving and Gluttony, we have had a decidedly quiet, decidely nice, and not very gluttonous day.  It seems fitting for all that is going on the world right now, although that was not our intent.

    We are thankful for living in this country and all the safety's and freedoms it gives us, despite its problems, for all socieities have problems. 

    But this year we are especially thankful for the small things, like a new carafe for the coffee pot, which arrived Wednesday night by UPS.  This allowed us to spend the first part of the day sipping coffee and puttering about the house, reading and doing small tasks in good company.

    The lid to the old carafe had been fused to the body and could not be opened, and I had not thought I would miss it as much as I did in the six days we waited for the replacement to arrive.  I have learned that I may love an espresso in the afternoon, but I also love puttering about with a cup of good strong American Coffee in the morning.  This morning we gave thanks for coffee.

    In the afternoon we gave thanks for congenial time spent with friends and neighbors.  Good food, good conversation, wine, coffee, indulgence but no excess.  What a lovely holiday.

    We are also celebrating because G's test results came back as positive for NPH and we have started the process of getting surgical approvals so that he can have a shunt put in to drain the excess spinal fluid and hopefully regain as much ability to live and function on his own as possible.  This is truly good news.  We don't have a surgical date yet, but are hoping it will be in the next month or two, depending on the various schedules and desires of his numerous physicians. I know that once we get everything moving, the pace might speed up and I am truly happy and looking forward to whatever may happen, setbacks or not.

    On less positive notes, if you haven't read this article, take a look.  It is excellent albeit sobering.  And yet even this cannot dampen my mood.  Whatever happens is beyond my control and I know I will cope regardless.  And that is a happy feeling.
  • Overheard

    We are sitting in Dr. X's waiting room.  We are the first patients and Dr. X is running a few minutes late.

    Another couple comes in, checks in at the desk and settles in for the duration.

    Female:  "That Dr. X is really surprisingly nice considering he is so smart"

    Male:  "What, smart people can't be nice?  Who ever made a rule like that?"

    Female:  "Well, I haven't met many nice smart people".

    After a little pause, she continues:  "I think its not their fault."

    Male:  "What?  Who's fault? What are you talking about?"

    Female:  "Smart people.  It's not their fault they're not nice."

    Male:  "What do you mean?"

    Female:  "Haven't you noticed that smart people have no personality?  They can't help it.  There's only so much room in the brain.  That's why really smart people have no personality.  They can't help it."

    A little more time passes.

    Female:  "I'm glad our kids got personalities".
  • A Hiccup

    It seemed like such a perfect lazy Sunday.   We went to the last Farmer’s Market and wandered around the
    local hardware store looking for baskets or some other solution to contain the
    tide of scarves, hats and gloves the always seems to overwhelm the winter coat
    closet.   The afternoon was
    spent lazily with a glass of bourbon, a book, and slowly cataloging the library
    through Library Thing. 

    To reiterate, it seemed like a perfect lazy Sunday. 

    Which is perhaps why I was quite overwhelmed by whatever
    erupted in the evening.  There was
    a storm, a perfect storm of emotion, fear, anticipation, angst, tiredness, and
    frustration which seemed to suck all life out of the house leaving nothing in
    its wake.  

    Of course things quieted down.  I still don’t know exactly what happened, I suppose some
    kind of stress-related implosion of hopes and fears mingled with worry over
    upcoming doctors appointments.  I
    still feel somewhat shocked and bereft, like some big hole has been pulled out
    of the center and only the fringes remain.  There was the eruption, the reaction (not my finest moment),
    the withdrawal and huge sucking sound that followed in its wake. G remembers
    that he was very angry yesterday, but he doesn’t remember what he was angry
    about.  I really can’t say,
    couldn’t say even if I knew.

    Once again all is quiet, and surface-calm, the calm-smooth
    surface of every day life.  And yet
    that feeling of fragility remains palpable, as if everything could shatter in
    an instant.  Life revolves
    endlessly, an endless stream of days and activities.  But this life is like a ring floating in the void.  One misstep and I may fall off.  I am both repelled by that inner void
    and irresistibly drawn toward it.  I
    must stay toward the center, allow this narrow path to stabilize and widen.

    If I look carefully I see that there is something in that
    center, not merely an absence, but something that is taking root.  It is not quite evident what may
    develop, and yet there is that palpable sense that something will fill
    void. 

    Still we tread softly. 
    Appointments cancelled and rescheduled prolong the wait.  I choose to seek the path of optimism,
    that the delays are but little bumps on a path to sunshine.  The other sees each delay as a
    precipice that must be crossed and the increasingly number of obstacles only
    confirm the suspicion that all is lost.   I must not fall into frustration myself.   I must keep striving toward the
    light while holding on dearly to make sure that I don’t lose anyone in those
    chasms of despair.

    There are moments it is easier.  A shared bowl of popcorn: Sitting side by side, fingers
    tracing paths through the salt on the bottom of the bowl.  They touch.  Reassurance returns.