Sometimes something happens, nothing really, just a small thing, but your world seems different. If you are lucky your world seems brighter. More likely it feels like everything is crashing down around you. You are upset. You may put on a brave face. But then, unexpectedly, when you find yourself alone, you cry.
Somewhere in there you see that nothing has really changed. The world goes on just as it did before. Dinner still needs to be made. Dishes need to be washed. Teeth must be brushed. Pretty toenails still make you smile. All that has changed is your perception. Maybe there were just some things you didn't want to see. We all live with our illusions. We all live with expectation. It is easy to think that if we do all the right things it will all work out in the end. Our expectations and illusions are like a mirror, showing us the world only as it reflects our own thoughts and assumptions. Sometimes the mirror needs to be shattered.
Last week was not such a good week. I'm not ready to discuss it, but it is there, that paradigm shift. Truthfully nothing is new, I was just forced to look at things differently. I did not take it particularly well. We humans are fallible that way sometimes. And yet it is possible that being forced to see things differently is actually good. Perhaps seeing how things are rather than how you want them to be is also good.
Objectively I would have to say that things are better this week than they were last week, and the changes made were all for the good. That doesn't belittle the process, make it less painful, or make it easier to accept. Finding the path to acceptance seems to be one of the harder lessons of life.
I'm still working on that one.
Comments
21 responses to “Paradigm Shift”
I’m giving you my good thoughts, M. We’re here for you. xoxo
Mardel, sending you warm and caring thoughts. You know how to reach me if you want to talk.
May the paradigm shift be followed by a revelation that brings you some peace.
Juan Ramon Jimenez
Oceans
I have a feeling that my boat
has struck, down there in the depths,
against a great thing.
And nothing happens!
Nothing…Silence…Waves
–Nothing happens? Or has everything happened,
and we are standing now, quietly,
in the new life?
*hugs*
Sending calming thoughts and giant hugs your way
Tina in Va
Wishing strength and peace your way. xoxo
Thinking of you today. Thanks for your openness and honesty.
I’m reminded of an elderly friend who, as she aged and grew weaker, used to pray, “Lord, help me to accept what you allow to happen in my life.” I think she would be able to relate to how difficult acceptance can be to attain.
HUGS
Marvel, thank you for sharing your journey with us. You write so beautifully that sometimes it’s almost possible to forget for a moment the season of life that you are in now. Sending kind and gentle thoughts for the strength, peace, and even joy you need moment to moment.
Thinking of you today, and hoping things are going well, or at least tolerably and calmly. I’m always uplifted by your writing, and I hope you are too.
Dear Mardel, acceptance takes time, above all, and the path keeps changing. Go easy on yourself. I’m sending warm thoughts. xoxo
There’s a hint of sunshine in your otherwise bleak and wintry photo; I hope you can continue to find something similar in your life. Sending you warmest thoughts.
Thank you Kristin, Patti, Terri, Gina, Myrna, Tina, and Frances. Your good wishes bring joy
Margy, that is beautiful. I was not familiar with Jimenez’s work. I will need to explore this further
LisaB, thank you. Part of what has been difficult for me is letting go of “I’m not ready” and realizing it is not about me, it is about helping G accept what is happening.
Sandra and Liana, you both make me blush. I do find the act of writing it down helps coalesce those nascent feelings into something I can grab hold of to steady myself.
Susan, those changing paths are tricky, aren’t they. Just when we think we’ve found our way we stumble.
AnnR, you are the first person who noted the wintery scene. You hit exactly on my point, and why I chose that photo. The wintery bleakness echoes how I felt but the hint of sunshine is the brightening promise of acceptance.
Also sending you hugs. I wish I could also send you a nice big dog or something to romp with and walk with and adore you.
You are living the Tough Stuff of life. In the midst of it, you have helped each of us through your openness. Reading these comments, I am moved by how each reader extends her caring and support in her own way.