I accidentally took a blog break without intending to do so. I thought I had something to write about, but then I didn't write. I thought I had a cold, but it ends up it was just the over-blown residual of a massive sinus infection. That is on the mend now.
The truth is that I've struggled, bouncing back and forth between having things I want to say and then finding myself unable to say anything. When I am overwhelmed and busy I feel like I have a lot to say, and then when things grow quiet again, my thoughts also start to creak along and I bore even myself. At such times I can't bear to even put up another version of the same old garden photos that you've probably already seen a dozen times before.
This summer is going to be hectic, at least for the next six to eight weeks, and I may be frazzled at times. I thought of taking a hiatus from the blog for that period, but am not convinced that doing so sounds like a good idea. Instead I am simply releasing myself from the self-imposed obligation to blog, or maybe I'm releasing myself from the obligation to be anything. I'lll just throw what ever I feel like out here and I'll see what happens. I feel like my life is coming together in some new way, and yet I also at times feel directionless, as if I am sloughing off a bunch of old skin and I'm not yet sure what the new skin will look like. In that sense, I guess I am giving myself permission to be absent when I need to be absent, present when I need to be present, and to embrace mess.
I can reevaluate in late August or early September and see where I am, although I can't really imagine giving up this blog altogether. I've been blogging for thirteen years, and the format and this public/semi-public/journal format adds something to my life that I am not sure I want to relinquish, but I also think I'm probably overdue for a rethink.
In the meantime, numerous projects gather steam. I picked the tiles for the guest bathroom, although I don't yet know when we are starting or what exactly happens next. I know something will happen. That is probably enough. Thank you for your patience.