I never intended to disappear. And yet for a while I did, if not from reality, at least from the virtual version of reality as it shows up on the internet. In some ways this was good as I was quite busy and the time gained helped me focus. And that time was time was well spent.
But it wasn't really the busy intervention of life that kept me away, at least not at first, but a head-slamming encounter with the kind of nastiness that swirls around the currents of the interwebs. By the time I dealt with the issue and my own feelings, life had indeed intervened, and I was swept up in other tasks.
But I'm back, perhaps in some ways more open and more connected to my own voice, my own thoughts, and actually less interested in what other people think. For that I have to say "thank you" to the trolls. It seems that I have spent most of my life worrying about what other people think, worrying if I am doing the right thing, saying the right thing, trying to look right, trying to be right, trying to maintain the peace and avoid conflict at all costs. Especially trying to avoid conflicts. And it struck me that all that effort trying to avoid conflict, trying to do the right thing, trying to be nice, was for naught. I'm not going to go into all the nastiness, because really what is the point? We all get our share of it. Hopefully it never crosses the line from our internet lives to our "real" lives, but it can. I now know that from personal experience. Despite this, I am still here.
Consider this blog active once again.
In the intervening time a few things have happened:
1. My House is on the market.
2.There has been some sewing and some knitting. These projects may or may not appear on this blog, depending on my whims.
And a few decisions have been made, namely that this is my blog and I am not particularly interested in pursuing a narrow focus or in any kind of move toward having a presence or branding. It is what it is and I hope you continue to follow, but in the end I shall write what I feel like writing. This blog is my space apart from the pressures, conventions, and tyrranies of expectation.
There will be knitting.
There will be sewing.
Some of the knitting or sewing will be new garments, but some of it may also address alterations or refashioning of garments as well. I am not and never will be interested in sewing all of my clothes and I honestly don't mind alterations. In fact I've learned more about garment construction from altering high-end ready to wear than from any number of sewing books and classes. I don't expect clothes to fit perfectly off the rack (no one should) and I don't expect patterns to fit perfectly either. This leaves room for exploration.
In my mind, wearing and creating are completely different processes. Posts about things I make will be about the thing and the making. Posts about what I wore will be about the wearing and the reasons behind the wearing. I refuse to submit to the tyrrany espoused by some, but by no means all, in the sewing and knitting communities that garments must be shown as they are worn on a person.
There will, of course, be books and music. I am no critic. I am increasingly uncomfortable with the idea of criticism per se, and of ratings systems. Writing about books and music will be about what said books or music meant to me and will therefore be highly subjective and personal.
And of course, I will write about whatever else lodges in my mind and refuses to budge until I have beaten it into submission under a pile of words. This is after all my blog, my journal, my place. Hopefully that place will be a calm place. Athough I might occasionally vent, I hope to do so in a reasonable way. I expect that my readers will do the same. Different opinions and constructive criticism are welcome if they are offered with civility and at least a nod to keeping an open mind. Comments remain open; however, those who persistently violate the tenets of civil discourse will be banned.
Comments
25 responses to “Pulling My Head Out of the Sand”
Great to have You back blogging. I thought that you were giving it up, and was almost considering about decluttering ;
Luckily you reappeared, and life goes on. I hope that I have not written nasty comments, if so, I apologize.
This is indeed Your blog, and we who come over with our comments, are only guests.
That should be clear to everyone.
However, expressing a different opinion is ok at least on my blog. And I have had them too.
For me, all the bowing and agreeing I receive, is a much more difficult matter, as I am not used to it. I don´t have the ” tools ” for receiving compliments.
Anyways, glad to have you back : )
Oh Mette, Im glad I got in before being decluttered! And it is great to see your comment here. You are always gracious and never nasty, at least not in my experience.
Welcome back! I’ve missed your posts and beautiful photographs. Thanks for writing and sharing your perspectives, which are always thought-provoking and enriching.
Thank you Diane! Ive actually missed writing the blog, and of course Ive missed all the lovely comments as well.
I am also glad you are back. I had actually checked to see if you had posted recently, earlier today. Along with the other stuff you write about I hope you still post meal descriptions
I actually read for the sewing and knitting, but I like the other areas as well.
Someone was mean to you? If it can happen to you it can happen to ANYONE. Glad to see you back. Hope your house sale goes well:).
So happy to hear you will be writing more about all the things that interest you, when they interest you. Secretly, I can’t wait to hear about sewing and knitting and gardening and books and a few other topics 🙂
Can I add a me too on you coming back! I totally understand your new focus and the need to be you regardless of what others on the internet think. After an incident similar to yours earlier this year, I’ve decided to simply be me on my blog too. If others don’t like it they can just not read it…and if they have negative things to say in other areas of the internet I’m just not accepting it.
So glad you’re back…can’t wait to read/see what you have to share with us! And good luck with the sale of the house!
Yes, Eileen, there will be cooking too. Glad to see you.
Thank you Lisa.
Mardel, I assumed you were just busy, had no idea there was internet nastiness. That makes me mad!
Strangely, I’ve encountered nothing but friendliness from online friends, it’s offline friends who’ve said mean things about my interest in blogging and about some of the bloggers I’ve introduced them to. It’s like social media and social networking is threatening to them. Sad.
I am not glad you suffered so long trying to live up to others expectations but I am glad you said so because I have struggled with the same thing and hearing stories like yours gives me courage to let it go and move on.
I LOVE your blog and hope you will continue to write exactly as you wish.
I have been a silent fan and find it amazing that anyone could find nastiness in response to the content on your blog. I find the blog an uplifting peek at someone else’s imperfect life handled with grace and humor. It is much appreciated.
Mardel, I love you and your blog. I’m astonished that someone(s) found cause to be cruel to you. How awful. But, this is what makes you so special, you find the glimmers of hope in the midst of the difficulties. And you have such a way with words: you find the words to share the emotion. And I find encouragement from you. Your openness, your honesty, your willingness to be real and to share real things – those hard things – sets you apart and I, for one, am thankful you take the time to blog. Welcome back.
I’m so sorry to hear that someone has been unkind. It is your blog and what you express here should be your choice – and should be respected. The lack of civility that seems to occur sometimes with the anonymity of the internet is upsetting, but, as my father used to say, ‘don’t let the [insert pejorative term]s get you down’. We are all glad to see you back.
Isn’t it annoying to find that nastiness can come from any source. I have only been blogging for a year and have nothing but good experiences but I have had to deal with hateful emails while working on a volunteer project. Thankfully this experience hasn’t changed you and it’s your blog so enjoy the heck out of it.
Love your approach. My blog is the same. I sometimes find the niche blogs boring – well, except with sewing, and even then… I read a lot of DIY niche blogs and how many times do you want to read about someone redoing their mantel decorations? LOL. I’d rather hear about the real life ups and downs of real people.
I try to tell myself that people who bully and criticize have some ego deficiency I don’t understand, and that I should feel sorry for them. When I read words like this, though, it reminds me of just how hurtful those people can be. A pox on whoever it was, I’m glad you came back. K
Hurrah! I’d been checking for new posts, too, and was glad to see this one.
I can’t even begin to imagine what people might have found fault with in your posts; I’m sorry you’ve been on the receiving end of it.
I hope you have lots of fun with your blog. I know I’m going to have lots of fun reading.
I’m sorry you had to deal with nastiness at a particularly trying time in your life. It’s hard enough to be making these decisions without unwanted input. HUGS.
I’m glad that some good has come out of it. That you’re feeling more confident speaking up for yourself and following your vision. You go girl.
You know that the eclecticism you describe is exactly why I love your blog — and you! I hate that someone would hurt you over your online presence, but I admire your response very much. So pleased we’ll still be in touch through our reciprocal blogs. Big hugs.
Welcome back. You were so very missed.
Yeah !!! I was about to write and ask if you had already moved and were busy settling in to your new home. I’ve missed your blog, it is one of the first I check.
Ignore the haters and they will eventually find somewhere else to go….keep on the high road and write this blog for you but know that I love being allowed entry into your world and respect and value that priviledge
Tina in Va
Mardel welcome back! I enjoy your generosity, your style and your spirit. I figured you were busy, busy with your impending move and all that goes with it.
As for cyber haters, I’ve experienced my share of self-absorbed and shallow grown-up mean girls. Unfortunately, the internet is a playground for attention starved grumblers, the phonies with no life who hide behind make-believe images, and the like-minded sycophants who actually believe their BS and enable them.
Ahh, Terri, you always make me smile! I hope you are feeling better.
Welcome back!