Restingmotion

  • Knitting Day

    I took a blog break last week.  I didn't really mention that fact, at least not here, allowing my more unfocused blog to serve as the platform for that announcement.  No matter really, for there was little knitting perhaps, or there was knitting but little progress.

     

    BackToFuture1

    I started a new project, a sweater for myself, and it has been the only project I have been working on.  Above is a photo I posted on Instagram about 11 days ago, the same photo used when I recorded the beginning of the project on Ravelry.  The pattern is called Back to the Future and it is a sweater-of-the-month from L'Atelier in Redondo Beach, CA.  The yarn is Classica DK, a lovely cashmere, and I am knitting this on size 8 needles.

    Purple Futures3

    I really love the way this is turning out, although it has been a rocky start.  This is no fault of the pattern, or even generally of my knitting skills on average, but perhaps more indicative of my own general state of stress and exhaustion over the past couple of weeks.   I knit and ripped the first six rows six times before I got the rhythm of the pattern and then I thought I was well on my way when I posted that first photo.  At that point I was 26 rows into the sweater, or not quite half way through the second repeat of the 18 row pattern.  So much for optimism.  Rows 27 through 36 took me another week, although I did not knit every day, and I often ended up tinking every third row or so.  Mostly I was just not paying attention as my dog was ill, ultimately fatally so, and I was more interested in cuddles than knitting.

    Purple Futures2

    I picked the sweater up again yesterday (Friday) after a bit of a hiatus and finished the 2nd and 3rd pattern repeats at the bottom of the sweater back and moved into the stockinette stitch that makes up the body of the sweater.    It made for a rather happy and healing day of knitting, and I am have now knit about 11 inches of the back.  Hopefully it will be smooth knitting from here on out and I am looking forward to this sweater and wearing it as well, although odds are that there will be few wearing opportunities until next fall.  You can never tell in Tennessee however. 

     

    Hopefully I am also back on track with updates as well. 

  • Sadness and Joy

    Twice on Tuesday the light just captured my imagination.  

    Dawning light

    Here, the morning light is just hitting the studio and I loved the glow.  It was a promising moment, and rare that I had my phone in my hand that early in the morning as well. I felt my heart swell with the rising light.   Later, in the early afternoon, feeling more tentative and subdued, I posted a photo of the watery nature of reflected light in the downstairs hall on Instagram (here),

     

    So much happened in the week that I was off that I struggle to make sense of it, while in a completely different vein of thought, so little happened that I now feel a bit like there are mountains piling up and threatening to fall.  But that is not really due to the stuff, or time, or tasks piling up but simply due to sadness and grief.  You see, when I signed out for a blog break, Poncho was sick, and I had a heavy week scheduled with a zoom conference occupying four days.  It seemed like my whole week was mind-expanding zooms and inward pulling snuggles with my little guy.

    Adieu Poncho

    Poncho didn't make it.  He went into the ICU last weekend and never made it home.  He died on Tuesday, shortly after I took the photo I posted on zoom.   His absence has left a bit of a hole in my life.  His collar is sitting on my desk, beside me as I write, just as a mere week ago Poncho lay at my feet as I sat at this same desk.

     

    Poncho had just turned 12.  He had lived with me for 3 months and one week.  And they were a precious three months.  He was loved.  I was loved.  I don't believe those studies or opinions that say that animals don't love.  Perhaps not in the same way people do, true, but my argument there is that we humans let our brains get too much in the way, and that we don't really know or understand love.  It is a lesson that takes us a lifetime.  

     

    Anyway I have no regrets.   I am not the person I was three months ago.  I am not the person I would have been today had I not adopted Poncho three months ago.  And so there it is, the basic struggle, the enigma, of life.  We cannot live without love, we cannot live without touch, we cannot know joy without pain.  A life without these things is a life without meaning, no matter how much we might yearn for it to be otherwise. 

     

    The hellebores in east garden are in full flower.  Those in the north (front) or west, not yet.  They are just budding, their lives are shaped by more variation in sunlight and shadow, but they too will bloom, and soon.  Yet it is this very progression across even one small garden that I find so simultaneously poignant and filled with hope:  Light; shadow; death; decay; new buds; the tender petals of new flowers, all these elements of life existing together in one moment of time in one small piece of earth.   Hope is fragile, sometimes fleeting, and yet part of the very earth of our souls and therefore always present, always ready to burst forth if given only. a moment's light.

    Hellebore1

    I am posting pictures of flowers and of light shining through flowers not as a distraction, but more in the mood of a reflection.  The flowers lighten my heart, but they do not mask or take away the sadness, nor the poignancy of loss,  I often feel I find myself living in a culture that tries too hard to distract from pain, to shove it under the covers and mask it with happy things, and I don't find that beneficial to anyone really.  That does not mean we cannot acknowledge beauty, cannot acknowledge grace.  

    Hellebore3

    One of the most beautiful things about winter flowers like hellebores is that they emerge in the midst of the remnants of winter, of death and decay.  The leaves of the plants are browned.  The earth is evident, not hidden by lush foliage, and this seems to elevate their beauty, making it both more precious and more fragile.  I tend to be slow at the cleaning out of the garden, reluctant to keep everything groomed and polished, as if pretending this is a pristine world, leaving the old to replenish the earth, the seeds to feed the beasts.  Perhaps I simply wish to hold on to the reminders that life is not so neat.

     

    Poncho loved to bury his nose in decaying leaves, but also in the new shoots, as if he could breathe in the very essence of life.  It is in these fragile moments we find meaning.  In love and in the very act of putting aside the pressures we put on time in order to simply be present in time for those we love, we find ultimate meaning.  And we are changed.  

    A2AFE94E-04D8-483F-95D1-4E159C91D146

    Farewell sweet guy.

     

  • Brief Break

    I am declaring this week a blog break while I attend a couple of seminars.

    Break

    More later.

  • Woolgathering

    Somehow, it struck me this morning that it has gotten to be Thursday and my blogging has fallen into arrears despite the fact that I have been working on four, yes four, separate blog posts.  It seems to have simply been that kind of week, and I am hoping, since today is cold and rainy, that I can manage to pull something together, even though I am not inclined toward tackling any of those bigger, although not really weightier, posts or projects. Instead perhaps a few small things that have brought me joy this week, not so much a coherent statement, but a gathering of various bits of fluff.

     

    (Success!  I posted to the knitting. blog, and this is now the second blog post of the day, one I intend to finish.)  

    FinalAutumn

    Above and below are photos of the finished Autumn Vine cushion.  The lower photo is the pillow in its final home with two other homemade pillows, both of which I have probably posted to this blog over the years.  In the photo above you can see the error in the vertical stripe, where I miscounted once between the green and wine strips. At the time I was constantly tired and suffering from terrible back pain, so I intentionally decided not to rip back. I do love the pillow, inordinately, despite the flaw.  It is not its existence so much that annoys me as the fact that it would have been easy enough to fix.   I suspect there is a lesson in that.

     

    Anyway, my apologies for the overlap today.   Both of these photos were also posted over on purlsandmurmurs, along with others, as I wrote a rambling post about pillow placement and the process of finding a home for Autumn Vine.  These same photos will probably show up on instagram as well, so if you follow me there you may face repetitious overload.

    AutumnVine FinalPlacement

     

    Yesterday was sunny and warm and I spent some time working in the garden.  I planted a few remaining daffodils, which should have been planted long ago and which may or may not bloom this year.  And I prepared garden beds for fava beans and peas, perhaps some spigariello and other greens.  While I was outside I noticed how pretty the thyme looked in the afternoon sun.

    Thyme

    Yes, that photo, too, was lifted from Instagram.  Some thyme plants had clearly survived their first summer and winter, but this was one that I feared had died as it was all dried up and shriveled, at least until it burst into new growth.  Change.  How often it surprises us when we least expect it.

     

    In the kitchen I was admiring my new oven gloves:

    Gloves

    I bought these small sized welding gloves from Amazon in January, and they are at the moment probably my favorite kitchen tool. I have kept a pair of welding gloves by the gill for some time, but they are too large for me, and although they work when grilling, I need more manual dexterity in the kitchen.   These seem to make everything easier and every time I wear them to lift some heavy pan out of the oven, or remove a hot lid from a pot, I feel like dancing around the kitchen as if I was in some kind of musical.

    CoffeeMat

    And while I am on the subject of small kitchen improvements, enter the bar mat.  I Intended to buy this long ago, but instead was making do with a microfiber cloth, or a paper towel, or nothing under the coffee grinder and the constant little bits of ground coffee would drive me to distraction.  Oh I know they are still there, and I still have to clean the mat, but somehow it feels more contained and intentional now.  There are no more little bits of coffee dust skittering across the countertop and the mat is easily lifted and rinsed.  It even cuts down on the noise from the grinder. Such a tiny thing, but it elevates my coffee making experience.

     

    Small things, big joys. 

     

     

  • Pillow Power

    (This post was originally posted on Thursday 2/11/21 and severely revised on Friday 2/12/21)

     

    I sometimes wonder why I even bothered writing a post last week.  Sometimes I wonder why I bother at all.  It is only February and I am failing in my goal of writing a post a week.  I should not push myself to write when I feel tired, frazzled, stressed, and petulant, however, which means I must also accept that there will be times when intention goes out the window.

     

    But the Autumn Vine Pillow is finally finished.  I picked up the pillow insert, and yes I still hate that term, even as I understand the necessity.  After I put the knitted cover on the pillow, I added the buttons.  I am tickled that I had five buttons that were just the right size and right shade of blue.

    Autum Vine Back Button

    I probably should have reinforced the button band, (you can see it pulling slightly here) but I was thinking this would be a decorative pillow in a place where it would get little tough use. I may have been mistaken in that assumption.  But at the moment I will leave it as is and simply accept that reinforcement may be necessary.

    FinalAutumn

    Here is the cushion on the library sofa.  It looks good there now, and although I have mixed feelings about having all three pillows from Rowan's Seasonal palette AW 19 (seen below) on that sofa, since I have not yet knitted the other two, perhaps it can live here for now.  

    7D81C9C1-6C8A-4616-8D2D-34D4C9F34416

     

    Admittedly, on Thursday I posted on Instagram that this pillow would not stay on the sofa but move to the bed, which was always an alternate position.  Neither is ideal.  Perhaps I shall present the case for each.

     

    Sofa: I love the way the pillow looks on the sofa.  It is soft and comfortable and squishy enough for a nap, as Poncho and I often take a nap on that sofa.  However Poncho also tosses the pillows off the sofa multiple times a day, and since I don't use an extra pillow when sitting and knitting, the sofa can get crowded.  Yesterday I was feeling very petulant about constantly having to pick cushions up off the floor, but realistically I was primarily petulant because I've been struggling with two weeks of internet and equipment woes, and pretty much anything could push me over the edge.

    AutumnVine FinalPlacement

    Bed:  Above is Autumn Vine on the bed with a pillow covered in Colinette Point 5 and a needlepoint pillow.  The colors here are good together, and they tie the bed more closely to the rug, which is darker than the bed.  On the other hand they are a tad small, if I want to curl up on the bed with pillows to read a book or take a nap.  Yes I do that, although not so much at the moment, mostly because I nap with Poncho on the sofa.  My bed is very high and Poncho is both blind and willing to leap off anything.  I am worried that he would try to jump off the bed.

    Before

    The pillows that were on the bed previously were larger, which was useful when I was feeling a bit under the weather sinus-wise.  They don't really work with the decor of the room, they were just left-over from a previous house.  Although I loved the fringed pillow in that house, I don't like it here at all.  

     

    I suppose what this is telling me is that I really need to spend some time actually thinking about pillows, rather than just holding on the flotsam and jetsam of previous lives and hoping that it will all work together.

     

  • A Week of Dithering

    I was sitting here, on the loveseat in my studio sorting out a tangle of circular needles, both fixed length and convertible, and I realized that I had intended to write a blog post today.  Oops.  It seems all in keeping however, as I have somehow felt a little bit scattered this past week.  I've worked on lots of things, and that may be part of the problem, I hop from stop to stop, idea to idea, and here I am at the end of the week looking out the window and dithering.  

     

    I've actually been puttering with a bunch of things:  garden planning, some basement pantry organization, various sorting and exercises in contemplation in the studio if not that much actual sewing or knitting.  I did work on some kind of needlework every day, but it seems like this week was all set up, or assembly but with no finished objects to show off.

    FebruaryPillowBlock

    I had hoped to finish the Autumn vine pillow sham in January, and I almost made it.  I finished the knitting, and got it all nicely blocked.  I could have sewn it up on the 31st, but somehow I got distracted.  Wednesday I finally got around to sewing and Thursday I found my button stash and searched for buttons.

     

    There was a bit of a miscalculation on my part however, so the sham sits, empty and waiting.  I thought I had an appropriate pillow.  Remember I started this project in a workshop so it really bears no relation to the actual size of pillows in my house.  I knew that I had some large square pillows in my house and I kind of held my knitting up loosely up against one and said to myself "that will work", and forgot about it.  Did I check the actual size of the pillow against the finished dimensions of the sham I was knitting?  No.  It was like my brain and my fingers were in two completely different worlds, oblivious of each other.

    FebruaryPillowEmpty

    So I finished the sham, sewed it together and voila!  It is too small for the pillow I had in mind.  It is too small for the alternate (second choice) plan as well.  The sham is 18" square.  The pillows in question are 22" and 24" square.  You would think I would have noticed this.  You would be wrong.  So above you see a slightly stretched pillow sham, waiting to be whole, waiting to become one with a pillow.  

     

    This unification of pillow and sham will happen soon, but not today.  I ordered a feather pillow from Pottery Barn.  It is ready for curbside pickup as I write, but I decided I was already scattered enough this week and the thought of getting in the car and going somewhere was more than I could bear, even to finish a project that I have ended up loving (surprise there, not that long ago I would have said I would never knit a pillow).   Besides I am trying to be conscientious, to not just drop in the car and drive willy-nilly just because I can.  I am trying to consolidate trip and errand days so that I go out fewer days per week.  This might change when the world returns to normal, whatever that new normal may be, but I am finding that this system works for me; I actually get more time to work on things I want to work on.

     

    In other knitting-related news, the second camelid blanket is on hold because the dark gray Plymouth Baby Alpaca Grande I need is currently out of stock. It is a pretty basic color however, so I assume it will be back in stock one of these days. This is probably a good thing anyway because I have now finished, or almost finished, three projects for the house and I want to knit something for myself.

     

    To that end I have sorted through parts of my yarn and project stashes, have even photographed a few things and started thinking about how they should best be cataloged for the future, the idea being that having some kind of photographic accounting means that I will not go into the closet, pull everything out, pile it all up on the floor, and then have to put it all away when I am done. Having chosen a project, the reason I was sitting on the loveseat sorting circular needles becomes evident.  Now I need to determine if I have appropriate needles for the project I wish to knit.

    Onward.

     

     

  • January Books

    I read 12 books in January.  That seems like a lot, even for me.  Not that there is any reason to justify how much I do or do not read. In this year of social distancing however, there are days that reading seems to be my only contact with my fellow humans. I believe reading is necessary, reading for fun, reading for information, reading because it opens a person's mind and understanding, both of the world and other humans but also of themselves.  But I also realize that reading has become a privilege, at least in this country, and that saddens me to no end. But if I delve into this rabbit hole of what it means to be literate, and the implications for society, I will never get to the stated purpose of this post.  Besides I am not an expert and therefore more research would be required. What I do know is this, in an age that is becoming more and more complex, and where more people are going to and graduating from college, the percentage of American adults who are proficiently literate is decreasing.  That is not, and should not be, a comforting idea.

     

    In short, yes, I have returned to writing about books. I will post a list, and I will try, hopefully sometimes successfully, to explore what the books I read mean to me. Occasionally my thoughts may approach the idea of a review, often not, and I am sure the process will be refined over time.

     

    First, the list:

    1. Michelle Alexander,  The New Jim Crow.  (non-fiction: race, criminal justice)

    2. Colum McCann, Apeirogon.  (fiction: historical, literary, Israel, Palestine)

    3. Diane Cook,The New Wilderness. (fiction: literary, dystopian, mother/daughter relationship)

    4. Adrian McKinty, The Cold Cold Ground. (fiction: mystery, Northern Ireland)

    5. Kiley Reid, Such a Fun Age. (fiction: popular culture, race relations)

    6. Don DeLillo, White Noise. (fiction: literary, postmodernism, sarcasm)

    7. Malcolm Gladwell, Outliers. (non-fiction: culture, sociology)

    8. Stuart Woods, Skin Game. (fiction: thriller)

    9. Michael Curry, Love is the Way. (non-fiction: memoir, faith)

    10. Joe Ide, IQ, (fiction: mystery)

    11. Jess Walter, The Cold Millions. (fiction: historical, American West).

    12. Stuart Woods, Bombshell. (fiction: thriller)

     

    Screen Shot 2021-02-02 at 7.34.38 AMThe year began with Michelle Alexander's fabulous book The New Jim Crow, and I mentioned it briefly at the end of my 2020 reading review, here.  I had read it in 2018 but I wanted to read it again simply because so much of my own thinking and understanding of race and American Culture and history had changed over the past year.  I am glad I did.  It is an informative, well written and well researched book, a book I would like to say that everyone should read, even as I recognize that this will never happen simply because over half of American adults are, if the statistics are accurate, incapable of reading and comprehending this book.  It is a valuable book, filled with complex ideas and well-researched information.   On the downside, at least for this reader, there is considerable repetition in the opening sections, which I still found extremely annoying, although this time around I perhaps found myself more willing to forgive, understanding that the author may have felt the repetition was necessary given the complexity of the subject.  I disagree but it is a relatively minor quibble.

     

    Unlike so many books, Alexander's message grows stronger and more focused as the book progresses.   The book moves from outrage, outrage that is focused but simultaneously still somewhat nebulous (hence repetition) as to details, to a deeply detailed critical study of the current situation, its roots, its history and its entrenched pervasiveness.  The book starts where we are, knowing something is wrong but not knowing how or why, and then delineates the spider web of entrenched biases and systems that have led us to this place, a place in which should never have found ourselves. The last section, with its pointed and often painful analysis of the pitfalls of past reform and its damning account of what is needed, is the books strength. It is a book that is worthy of rereading, and even gains in strength.

     

    Screen Shot 2021-02-02 at 7.59.29 AMI went immediately from the complexity of The New Jim Crow into another kind of complexity, this time in Colum McCann's novel Apeirogon. It is a fascinating tapestry of a novel based on the true story of two real men, one Israeli, one Palestinian, who lost their daughters due to violence.  Through an unusual structure of 1001 short pieces, McCann weaves metaphor, history, allegory, fact, place and the very real weight of human emotion: joy, profound loss, grief.  It is a book that often left me in tears, that occasionally rendered me speechless with beauty, which in fact led me through an array of emotional responses. It is  a book that changed my understanding of a place and a people involved in conflict in a way that I might otherwise never have experienced.

     

    For this reader, the non-linear structure was compelling.  I found the convoluted interlayering to be reminiscent of the way memory surfaces and then seemingly disappears in our lives, apparently triggered by random events, of the way grief evolves and shapes us.   In the seventh episode of Pretend It's A City, Fran Lebowitz states "A book is not supposed to be a mirror, it is supposed to be a door."  This novel opened a door to me and lured me in, into a world I still would not have seen, even had I visited Israel (I have not).  What I do see, now and in the future, will never be the same.

     

    I read two additional ambitiously literary novels in January, Diane Cook's The New Wilderness  and Don DeLillo's White Noise.  Both were interesting, well-written, and challenging,  I could appreciate them both on a purely intellectual level, but I did not enjoy reading either one.   

    TwoBooks

    The New Wilderness takes place in some dystopian, not to distant, future and although the opening scene, of a lone woman, Bea, giving birth to a stillborn child in the forest, a woman who had obviously once lived in a culture at least somewhat like our own, felt compelling, the novel is plagued by inconsistencies and I quickly felt mired down. Nothing in this world makes sense, and although that may be the point — the very arbitrariness of government and policy and transitions of power, as well as the confusion and blind stupidity this creates —  the act of reading the novel felt arbitrary, illogical, and strained by awkward transitions.  The New Wilderness  felt somewhat like two novels to me: a not very successful dystopian novel which encompasses a novel about the relationship between a mother and her daughter (Bea and Agnes), about coming to womanhood, and about nurture and abandonment.  Agnes herself is richly and fully developed and the relationship between Agnes and her mother is strong and finely nuanced, but finding and savoring that relationship felt much like finding occasional nuggets of gold in a sea of wildly shifting sand.  I am sure there are people who loved this novel but I am not one of them.  The novel does offer much to discuss however and I would be open to a conversation.

     

    But what about White Noise? This novel was written in the mid 1980s and I reread it now for book group.  Intellectually it was a fascinating novel, filled with incredibly beautiful sentences and sharp satire, both of which I enjoyed.  But it was flat, intentionally flat, but flat nonetheless.  I know this is the point.  There is no difference in the cadence and emotional resonance of the different voices — as if the world exists on a flattened plain.  I cannot say it is a collection of beautiful sentences without a plot, because there is a plot, even though it is not a plot-driven story.  In fact, I am not convinced it is a story at all.

     

    I think White Noise is an excellent representation of a particular moment in the post-modern absurdist mindset.  A part of me remembers being a student of literature, remembers studying twentieth century literature.  The novel reminds me of my early struggles with Genet and Barth, although I think I prefer both authors to DeLillo.  I could be wrong because much has changed in the ensuing 40 years.  I have changed as well.  Reading White Noise reminded me of the intellectual I could have become, reminds me how grateful I am to have escaped that fate.  While I was reading, I could not help being struck by the cruelty of its intellectual conceit — the cold sardonicism, the deliberate mocking tone.  DeLillo was writing about how modern invention had created a simulacrum of life, hence the flatness. In fact there were overlapping simulacra here.  I was thinking about the philosophy of Baudrillard, which I had been quite happy not to think about for those same 40 years.  In the end I think DeLillo wrote a simulacrum of a novel, although it did prove good fodder for discussion in my book group.

     

    Screen Shot 2021-02-03 at 10.01.30 PMIn between all of that intensity, I needed a bit of lightness and escape so I indulged in a variety of mysteries and thrillers.  Adrian McKinty's The Cold Cold Ground is the first in a series about Detective Sean Duffy and both the series and the author were new to me.  I enjoyed it, although I found the character of Detective Duffy more compelling than the mystery itself, where I felt a few plot devices could have been more smoothly rounded out.  I thought the premise and character had potential but the author seemed to get in his own way on occasion, perhaps take the whole thing too seriously, more seriously perhaps than I preferred in a literary escape. I am undecided about following up, although I will probably read at least one more novel in the series to see how it develops.

     

    Screen Shot 2021-02-03 at 10.02.08 PMI liked Joe Ide's IQ even more and I will be reading more of this series.  Ide has created an interesting, complex, and compelling character in Isaiah Quintabe (IQ). The story was outlandish and filled with humor.  Yes, there were a few stumbles here and there, but I was having too much fun to care.   In short it is a good, light, escape of a novel and I am looking forward to the next installment.

     

     

    To finish out the thrill ride I read the last two of Stuart Woods' Teddy Fay novels, Skin Game and Bombshell.  I had picked up Teddy Fay at my mom's and I found the first two novels fast, mindless, and entertaining, in a kind of action-packed roller-coaster of a read kind of way.  Of these last two, I felt Bombshell worked better than Skin Game, where it felt like Stuart Woods was trying to turn Teddy Fay into another Stone Barrington and it didn't work.  The language is too elementary: The short, to the point sentences, probably written at a 4th or 5th grade level, work well for action, for people acting on impulse, for blowing things up and doing other stupid things, not so well for romance or espionage.   Skin Game, set in Paris, tried to be too complex and it fell flat.  Bombshell, which I read in two hours one evening when I was tired and both my internet and tv were out, provided the perfect distraction of mindless absurdity and action.  I am probably done with this series, but it was the perfect read for its time. And I can see how it would be the perfect book for a visit to my mom, where fast light entertainment that can be easily interrupted is the order of the day.

    Screen Shot 2021-02-03 at 10.09.32 PMKiley Reid's Such a Fun Age is a light, fun novel about a white-influencer-celebrity who hires a black nanny. It is occasionally uncomfortable, very often funny, and it unpacks everyday cultural angst and systemic racism in a very accessible way.  A novel very much of the moment, although, not surprisingly, with very little to hold onto.

     

    Screen Shot 2021-02-03 at 10.10.28 PMBishop Michael Curry's memoir Love is the Way is beautiful, uplifting, and filled with hope and wisdom.  I listened to the audiobook and I think this format works very well because Bishop Curry's inflections and soothing tone, his charming self-deprecation, his humor, add to the story he is trying to tell. There is nothing new here philosophically or theologically, except in Curry's profound understanding of human nature and acceptance of the idea that there are no flawless heroes. He invites the reader to step back and put anger and fear aside, and his faith is inspiring.  Curry has a way of taking a life and crafting a story that reminds us of the things we are all supposed to know but which we somehow put aside, and he does it with honesty and without condemnation.  I would say this a perfect book for those times when you are struggling to find a little hope in the world. I loved the book, not because I learned new things, but because I was reminded to open my eyes and see the things I knew a little more deeply.

     

    Finally two entertaining and thought-provoking reads which were thoroughly enjoyable but not terribly profound. Malcolm Gladwell is always insightful, and I enjoyed reading Outliers, which has been out for a few years now.  I already knew some of the information the author explores as much has been written about it, but I was surprised that the book itself still had the power to force me to examine and think about some of my assumptions in new ways.  Gladwell has a gift for accessibility, and for packaging ideas in ways that sneak into the interstices of the mind.

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    Finally, I ended the month with Jess Walter's historical novel The Cold Millions, which takes place during the free-speech riots in Spokane during 1909-1910.  Walter deftly intermingles history and a few historical characters with fiction, with "what might have been" but it is also a modern story, a story with many parallels to today, written by a modern author.  I thought the author bridged this divide effectively and well for the most part, although at times I struggled with the many voices, the interruptions in thought. The story revolves around two brothers, Gig and Rye, and how the riots impact their lives.  Both brothers are reading War and Peace, and War and Peace permeates this novel, with Walter employing the same structural format (and the same problem of the many characters).  The novel is very much about "the cold millions" who never get ahead, and the men who keep opportunity from them, but even more so it is about how the forces of history exert a power outside of ourselves, how we get caught up into  the flow despite ourselves, and how our choices make or break us.  It is a good read but not a novel I will return to again and again (unlike War and Peace, which rewards the reader for each subsequent effort. I may have to pick it up yet again).

     

    And there you have it.  February is shorter, and I have picked up a couple of books I am reading very slowly, a few pages at a time, so the list may be shorter.  Or not. In truth, it hardly matters.

     

    On that note, I shall leave you with a few words from the young George Santayana, writing to his friend and former Harvard classmate, Henry Ward Abbot in January 1887:

    Did you come into this world because you thought it was worth while? No more do you stay in it because you do.  The idea of demanding that things should be worth doing is a human impertinence. 

  • Making My Own Path

    Do you ever feel like you keep learning the same lessons over and over?  Each time, every time, you think "duh!" Or you say to yourself, "I've got it now"!  You know in your heart of hearts that you will remember this lesson and life will get better, but then, once again you forget.  Or you know but you don't know, meaning you fail to extrapolate from one situation to similar ones.

     

    Duh!

     

    No, I did not make any mistakes, I did not make any foolish, rushed, and/or silly errors.  In fact studio time was happy time this week.  

    FebruaryCuttingPillowcase

    I pressed the linen for the pillowcases.  I cut pillowcases.  I only had enough for three, rather than four, so there will be more pillowcase making in the future.  Luckily I still have two white linen pillowcases in use. They are over ten years old, and until recently, they were used every night I was home, so I don't expect them to hold up for another ten years. But the problem wasn't really that I miscalculated, it was that I started with erroneous assumptions.

     

    I thought about pillowcases, I really did.   I knew I was not going to make a traditional standard-sized pillowcase, as I tend to toss and turn and squish my pillow during the night. I hate it when the pillow starts to come out of the pillowcase.  I also hate double casing pillows to avoid that problem.

     

    I thought about shams with buttons in the back.  But again, I find buttoning and unbuttoning pillow cases on laundry day to be incredibly annoying.    Then I thought about making envelope-style pillowcases, you know the kind where there is an opening and an overlap in the back, and you load the pillow from the middle.  But I find those annoying as well.

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    In the end, I opted for sewing extra-long pillowcases, pillowcases that are closer to the size of king-sized pillow cases, although my pillows are only standard or queen sized.  Why?  Because I like the way folding the excess fabric inside the pillowcase makes a neat little bundle that retains its shape no matter how much tossing, turning, or pillow punching occurs during the night.  Also I do not mind stuffing the extra length down into the pillow case to make that neat package.  I am happier stuffing my hands down into the pillowcase to make a neat fold than I am buttoning and unbuttoning, or stuffing a pillow from the middle.  Pillows encased in this manner are easy to fluff and straighten each morning when I make the bed.  They make me happy and are therefore worth every inch of extra fabric.

    FebruaryFabricCatalog1

    Decision made, I proceeded, alternating marking and cutting pillowcases with photographing and cataloging fabric, spacing out my time and balancing standing time with sitting time.  I serged the first pillowcase.  The only reason I did not finish was that I forgot the white thread was back in the house, where I had been using it to mend a few items.  There was still some mending to be done so I decided to finish the pillowcase another day.

     

    In the evening I spent a happy hour hand sewing, mending an edge where some soft cashmere had begun to fray.  I was reminded how much I love hand-sewing, and how calming it is to me.  I would rather sew a narrow hem by hand than by machine.  This surprises me because when I was younger I hated hand sewing and wanted everything to be done fast.  Perhaps it is time to let go of that image of myself and accept who I am now and how that affects the way I want to work.

     

    I keep telling myself that I don't want to make things in a hurry, that I don't want to work pressed up to a deadline.  And yet I continue to put myself in that position.  There is no need.  I need little.  I am fortunate enough that I could buy what I needed if I chose to do so.  There is no reason to make myself rush.  I can putter and sew, I can putter while I sew.  I can set up my embroidery or needlepoint station in a corner of the studio so that when my back is tired of standing, or I've hit a wall for whatever reason, I can sit and stitch and self-soothe.  

     

    Why didn't I think of this before?  I suppose I simply wasn't ready.   I felt like there was a battle between my need to make things, and my competing need to have less not more.  But this tension was based on erroneous assumptions.  It is not about making more just to have or make more, but about the process, about the making, about who I am in when I am puttering about in my creative place.  I suppose I always struggled with this dichotomy. I always strived to be a person who got things done, and yet deep inside I just want to get lost in the doing.

     

  • Let there Be Blankets, Part One

    The first of the two camel/alpaca/merino blankets is finished!    I feel like I should be dancing happily around the house, and in my head and heart so I am.  In reality however, I am curled up in delicious warmth underneath this first blanket because I had forgotten how light and fluffy and delicious it is, how warm and yet never hot, like a cozy hug.


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    The finished blanket is roughly 5' x 7', a little small for use on a queen sized bed for more than one person, a little large as a throw.  I say roughly because there are a few minor issues.  It is not perfectly rectangular because some of the individual pieces were not perfectly rectangular.  

     

    Apparently, when I knit this, I was not particularly meticulous and made many errors.  This is not surprising as I knit it in a mad rush and I have never been a person who puts things off to the last minute nor a person who works well when backed up to a deadline. I can and will pull through when a deadline looms, but I never manage by best work.  I am more of the slow and plodding type.  I am also the annoyingly organized type who usually sees a deadline and automatically counts backward to figure out how best to utilize my time so that I do not end up working in a mad panic as a deadline comes near.  This is how I got through college carrying the maximum allowable class load and never pulling an all-nighter while still volunteering and having a social life.  It is pretty much the way I still function, except that every now and then a wild thought messes up the works.  That was what happened with the original blanket.  I bought the yarn in mid November and thought I could knit a light and fluffy blanket as a surprise Christmas gift for George, a California-King sized blanket, no less.  Ahh foolishness!

     

    Still, as much as I am proud, stubborn, and egotistical, as much as I do not like being reminded of my failings — who does? — I also wanted this blanket to be salvaged into something I would actually use.  Putting the blanket back together therefore became an exercise in making do.  Overall, my efforts paid off.  This is not a blanket that will be perfect on display, but it is a blanket to be used.

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    Assembly because an exercise in compromise.  Luckily the yarn I chose, Plymouth's Baby Alpaca Grande, and the stitches I chose worked well.  I knitted the squares together using a three-needle bind off, done backward, or inside-out, finished with the wrong-sides together so that the decorative seaming ridge would be visible on the outside face of the blanket.   The gray of the baby alpaca grande is not the same as the gray of the blanket itself, but it works well in this use.

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    For the  border I used a four-stitch knitted on i-cord, which I ended up adoring.  I even loved knitting it, and generally I find I-cord tedious to knit.  I felt like I was knitting a fluffy cloud.  I loved the soft loftiness, and the way the i-cord added structure without too much weight.

     

    Will I keep the blanket forever? Who knows.  I still have to assemble the second blanket.  Before that can happen I need to order more yarn.  I had guessed that the seaming and the border would take 3 100-gram skeins.  I actually used 244 grams.  If you think this means I only need two more skeins to finish think again.  The number of pieces and the layout of the second blanket is different, and there will be 20 inches of additional seaming involved.  That 20 inches of seam, using a three-needle bind-off, will take 11 grams of yarn, 5 more grams than I have available, so three skeins it is.  It will work out, because the baby alpaca can be used with the assorted odd bits of leftover blanket yarn to make a scarf or shawl or something.

    JanuaryBlanket1

    For now, this the lightest and warmest blanket I own.  Soon I will have two.  Someday I might have something that rivals this that I like better, but for now I am content and there is no urgent need that must be filled.

  • Signs of progress….signs of life….

    There are occasional snowflakes floating by outside my window this morning.  There are not so many as to count as actual precipitation, more like a random thought slowly escaping from the thick layer of clouds.  It may be a chilly day, a mostly indoors kind of day, although Poncho and I will take a walk, a day for all kinds of preparations and explorations.

     

    The plumbers arrived early to repair a venting issue in the studio bathroom; when they are done the studio will become a much more pleasant place to work.  I hope to spend some time there this afternoon, either sewing or cataloging, perhaps a little of both. 

     

    January21GardenPlanning

     

    In the meantime I am working on garden planning and various odd tasks.  There has been a lot of running up and down the stairs, measuring garden beds, thinking about shrubs and flowers, thinking about vegetable crop rotation, puttering, pondering.  At some point I despaired that my garden layout last year was more spur-of-the-moment than well-considered, making the planning process a bit more of a challenge.  But it is a fun challenge.  There has also been much playing with pencil, eraser, ruler, and colored pens.  Making colorful garden plans may not be the most efficient method, but it certainly may be the most fun.

     

    January21Sedum

     

    But even though today is gray and cold the garden is slowly revealing signs of growth.  Yesterday, between playing with markers I was out weeding, planting bulbs, and generally puttering about, happy to have fingers in the soil.  While planting tiny ipheion bulbs I found that the small Harvest Moon sedums I planted last summer, and which I had believed had all died, are starting to poke their heads above ground. A few have advanced a little further than others, but finding the little pink faces peeking out from the mulch while I scattered tiny bulbs was gratifying and encouraging.  As to the bulbs, it seems I seriously under estimated the number of bulbs I would need.  I planted 50 bulbs yesterday, covering only a third of the designated area, but then again, this may be an opportunity once I see what decides to return in 2021.

     

    January21Hellebore1

    Tulip and daffodil bulbs have been poking their tender heads above ground for some time now, advancing and then pausing in wait for the next sunny day, but had not noticed much else in terms of winter or spring growth yet in the front or back yards.  Yesterday however I walked through the east side yard and was charmed by the hellebores, who are bravely sending out buds even though the greenery itself looks worse for wear.   The hellebores in the front yard may still be hunkered down, but in the east, the blooms are ready to burst forth.

     

     

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    No garden work today though.  I am determined to finish the border on this, the first of the two alpaca/camel blankets that I am restoring.  I absolutely adore the way this is turning out and I hope to have this finished, blocked and ready to use this month, which means that I need to finish knitting the border today.

     

    I have to admit I needed all these things this week: signs of growth and blossoming and success, a reminder that whatever setbacks occur, we can always pick ourselves back up and move on.  And now, I have some time before my first meeting of the day, so I can go curl up under a light warm blanket and finishing knitting.