Sometimes life catches me by surprise and takes my breath away. This photo doesn't capture the glory of the light on the Hudson River yesterday morning, but it is close enough.
Saturday had been cold, dreary and rainy, a day befitting my mood which was sad, depressed and lonely. Sunday filled me with joy and accomplishment and refilled my reserves and reminded me of all the good things, the things I have accomplished, the things I love about where I live.
I have no regrets about the decisions I have made; they have been the right decisions for me and the people I love. But accepting a course of action, even knowing it is the right thing to do, does not necessarily always make actually living with the consequences of the decision easy. Sometimes the weight of responsibility, of the choices I have made, seems like a burden to heavy to bear and despair overtakes me. All I want is my house back. All I want is my life back.
But this is my life. These are my choices. And I knew what I was doing even if I didn't fully appreciate the repurcussions. I suspect that this is a necessary state, this not fully understanding what we are getting ourselves into until after we have jumped in feet first. Otherwise why even get out of bed in the morning?
But then, if I hadn't gotten out of bed I wouldn't have seen the sun on the Hudson.
And I am lucky to have friends who support me and support me when the dark winds blow and when the sun shines through, who know that these moments are just wisps and hold my hands as I walk through the fog.
Comments
10 responses to “Morning on the Hudson”
You remind me of a bumper sticker I saw this weekend “If you aren’t totally appalled you aren’t paying attention.”
There are some things that it’s better just to plunge into. Too much thinking isn’t always a good idea.
That said — I hope nothing important in your house has been destroyed.
It’s good when a bit of beauty steals in and makes our burdens feel a bit less onerous. Those are some stunning, dramatic clouds!
Oh, do remember those mornings on the Hudson, further up North, in Albany. So gorgeous.
You write so beautifully about your experience. I know you did what felt right and will adjust to your choices. That’s what most of us do.
Unbelievable, life-affirming view. You are SO lucky to be surrounded by that beauty. What’s the white, massive structure across the river?
I have always been sceptic, when someone announces, that” not a day of my life would I give away “.
I for one, given the chance, would do almost everything differently with the ” wisdom ” I now have. Honestly.
But, being a restless and an impatient soul, I thought I did right decisions at the time, and was satisfied then and there. Life goes on. I make decisions every day, probably bad decisions once again.
But, we only have this one life, so no regrets. My eyes focused to the future-Mette.
Mette, I too would be suspicious about people who would change nothing in their lives, just as I am suspicious about people who are always happy. There are things I would do differently even as I recognize that, had I done them differently, I would probably be different than I am now. But I have no real regrets. I have made mistakes but overall I accept the decisions I have made. That is often a hard place to reach, and I often grumble that I wish I had known differently, that I might have acted differently. If I were to regret anything it would be that I had been so cautious in my youth, but it was what it was, and I was who I was, and that is that.
Thank you K-line. It is a mammoth estate, recently donated to a local university to be turned into a graduate program in international business. My house is teeny tiny from the porch of that place, and those columns are 6 or 7 feet in diameter.
Of course you are so right Susan; we mostly do adjust. If only adjusting would be easier. Not that I have that much to grumble about, except that it seems to be human nature to grumble a bit..
Im all for stealing moments of beauty and holding them close.
I like that bumper sticker.