This is the first day since I've been in the new house that I have accomplished absolutely nothing. Not.A.Single.Thing. Frankly, I am not expecting a big turnaround in productivity now either, although I am going to get this post written. I'm not expecting much.
I had big plans this morning, and then things just went a little haywire. And then we took a walk, G, his aide and I to the end of the street, and I continued on to make a loop about half-way out of my neighborhood and back, about 1 mile total. Not a level mile mind you, it is all up and down my neighborhood, from the top of my hill to the next and so forth. Most of my neighbors tell me they won't do it. They drive two miles to a nice level walking trail. But I did it for the first time this morning. And I just did it again this afternoon.
I feel good but tired. And old. I've been feeling old a lot lately and today in particular. It probably has a lot to do with a month of persistent back pain and the things you don't see in the dead frontal views I am likely to post on this blog when I post photos. The fact is that I pretty much always stand tilted forward now, and have for a few years probably, but it didn't used to be the case. And this affects so many things both physical and mental. It causes stresses on muscles and joints, my knees and my hips, and yes is the primary cause of my back pain. It also strains my view of myself because there are days when not only am I in physical pain, but I also feel old and deformed. It is not pretty. And it is these days that I need to pay even more attention to getting my hair right, to finding an outfit that I feel attractive in, regardless of whether it truly improves anything or not, when I need to spend time fretting over the things I can control in life, like eating well and yes, trying to get some exercise as soon as I can manage it. But those two walks may have taken everything out of me today, that and the thought that G has been particularly restless and I am not looking forward to an easy weekend.
I have no regrets about the surgery I had at 15. My scoliosis was bad, and there was no question that I needed surgery. My results were good, and frankly I've had fewer probelms than most. I am grateful for what modern medicine has done for me. But it is time to push forward. I probably can't make myself stand up straight again, as that seems to be beyond my immediate control and apparently a known problem caused by the particular type of surgery I had. But perhaps I can buy some time. Perhaps I can get stronger and control my pain.
Look. I did accomplish something. I walked. I cooked. I made phone calls, unresolved phone calls, but phone calls nonetheless. I looked up a bunch of articles on medical journals and through the Scoliosis Research Foundation. That did not make me happy. So now it is time to just rest and read. I think I will curl up on the sofa and read the new issue of The Gentlewoman which just arrived today.
Maybe later I'll iron or knit. Perhaps I'll hook up the grill, which also just arrived. And I just remembered what I planned on writing about today. Now that I think about it the day looks brighter already.
Comments
13 responses to “Down and Up and Down and Up and Down and Up Again”
Do you find that knitting exacerbates it? Knitting took a toll on my body like nothing else I’ve ever tried. I will continue with the craft, cuz I love it, but I have to pace myself.
Also, I can’t remember if we’ve discussed this, but can you do yoga – if you choose to – to ameliorate the posture issue. Even if your scoliosis is bad, and even having had an operation, some poses can be done in very abbreviated ways to encourage mobility.
Nothing makes me feel older than having back pain.
Oh, you have done more exercise than I today and I never had such a surgery. K-Line’s suggestion about yoga is a good one. The last time I practiced it regularly, it had physical, emotional and spiritual benefits.
I understand about living with the pain and feeling old. Thank goodness the winter was mild this year because last year there were times I could barely move because of the pain in my knees and ankles. Doesn’t it feel like a switch goes off in your body and you go from young to old just that quickly? I’m trying to remember that I need to be active to help reduce the pain and I understand you’re walking to accomplish that but I guess I wrote all of this to say that I understand.
Thank you CArolyn!
I did comment with that link to the Scoliosis Sciety re scoliosis and yoga, didn’t I?
And see this demo by Elise Browning Miller, a marvelous teacher:
http://www.yogaforscoliosis.com/
Locally,look for a skilled teacher, especially someone with certification in Iyengar yoga (like Elise has) because of their extensive training and use of supports. Barring that, find a physiotherapaist to work with- mobility is extremely important.
Kristin, I dont find that knitting exacerbates anything. I am a very relaxed and comfortable knitter, and when the arthritis in my hands is acting up, knitting, although a little painful at firs loosens up the joints considerably. This may not have been the case when I started though, but it is long enough ago that I have forgotten.
Yes, I can do yoga, and have, although there some parts of yoga I cant do. Classes are difficult, depending on what is being done. But I have taken yoga classes and had private instruction in both yoga and pilates and both are helpful. I just need to get started again, and I do need instruction as it has been a long time, since before G came home and demanded and then needed more and more care. I am working on it. And walking is helping.
Yes Terri, I agree that yoga is a good choice. I am looking into that one, at least private instruction as most of the classes are night and I am still trying to get night help lined up. It has been 5 or 6 years since I have done any yoga, but it does indeed make a difference.
Thank you Duchesse, for the link. The Scoliosis Society has a lot of great resources. And I am more than willing to pursue anything in lieu of more surgery, despite being married to a surgeon (although he talked more patients out of surgery than into it, one of the things I always admired about him)
Im already looking into yoga. I cant manage classes right now, which are all in the evenings when I have not been able to arrange steady help, and my experience with classes is not great, unless they are small enough and the instructor provides a lot of individual attention, which was not always the case where I used to live. But I will be working on other options tomorrow morning (after my walk).
I had an excellent personal trainer the last couple of months before I left, she was highly trained in yoga, pilates, and physiotherapy as well as the usual exercise stuff and she helped me a lot. I have finally resumed some of the things I learned from her, basic exercises I can do at home, and they are helping. I sent her a video of something I wasnt doing quite right and she responded pretty quickly also.
I agree that it would be good for you to establish a set time for working with a fitness professional when you have help at home so you can get out.
Although you may have some back issues you aren’t that old and you need to remain strong and able to withstand the stresses -physical and mental- that living with G bring on.
I’ll bet if you look around you can find a place that’s got daytime slots. Whenever I work at home and go to the YMCA (I sneak out) it’s packed with folks.
I love both socks!
Rose I agree that I need to establish fixed times. I also admit that I have been putting that off as I have been rather overwhelmed with the adjustment process to the new place. There is no problem finding a gym, or a trainer or classes at a gym during the day. Ive been a gym rat for decades and also have a pretty good arsenal of things I can do at home, which I do regularly. But even though I go to the gym regularly I go through periods where I just cant move, and am just coming out of one of those now. I need to be able to walk before I can take a class or work out. And I think this is a good time to pursue something new as well. Familiarity is not always the best answer after all.
M – I didn’t mean to give you a hard time about it. I had this image of you and G. hobbling around with his aide in tow.
Do your “don’t walk up the hill” neighbors go out together? It never hurts to look for a walking buddy, even if they do skip the hard parts.
Rose, I didnt think you were giving me a hard time, just nudging me a little. I hope I didnt sound like I was giving you a hard time or being too defensive.
That is a funny image. We do hobble around together, and we take one or two short walks together every day, often without his aide even, and that is nice. Some of the neighbors do walk together and I have been invited to join, at the moment it is just a timing issue. The evenings are later now, but I dont have an aide then so I cant join in the walk. I am sure I will work it out in time.
I didn’t realize you had scoliosis, surgery and ongoing back issues! It seems as if you have so much on your plate. I admire your persistence in seeking workable strategies and routines but most of all I am glad you are able to rest and be kind to yourself when it all gets to be too much.