During most of the past five weeks I stopped thinking about clothes. I stopped opening emails from online retailers. I stopped reading fashion and style blogs in particular, although I actually just spent precious little time in blogland.
This general sartorial stepping-back was not completely due to the chaos around me. It is not that I am not interested in clothes, jewelry, fashion and style, but increasingly I am interested in just going my own way. I observe but sometimes chose not to participate. Style is only a part of life, and I felt it was becoming too much of an obligation and an ordeal. I learned a lot but I had reached a crossroads.
I came to Knoxville without a summer wardrobe. I had a few tees. A skirt. A dress. Shoes. Otherwise not much. I knew I was moving. I survived last summer with a few throwaway pieces which barely survived the summer. Since I have arrived, the whole process of looking, trying-on, buying and wearing has been enlightening and has really helped me to refine the process of how I see myself and what I want to wear. It sounds like such a simple thing; but it wasn't. There was a mall near me before, but it did not have the kind of selection I have here. Selection required travel to a more distant mall. It required time away from home. That was something I really didn't have. It is much easier to say "just go" and "You have to live your life" than it is to find your way through the minefield of need and anger that is the mind of the husband who is falling into the bottomless pit of dementia.
I am not interested in writing a "what I bought" blog. I am not interested in writing a style blog, even though style is one of my interests. More exactly sometimes I think anti-style is one of my interests as well. Although I am interested in the whole fashion scenario, I am specifically interested in what it is about what women wear that makes them happy, what feels good to them, and how that makes them feel about the way they look. And what I am not interested in is the whole idea of dressing to look younger, richer, thinner, sexier…. not that I wouldn't fall prey to those pursuits on occasion. I too am a product of my culture and my upbringing.
Besides what I have learned is that I am not really an adventuresome dresser. I find coming up with new things to wear more of an ordeal than a joy. I don't particularly want to try new things on a daily basis. I certainly don't want to spend the time fussing with photographs, at least not most of the time. And I have a few rules, a few tried and true things that work for me. The list is still expanding and evolving. It may or may not be the same next month. I am really just at the beginning.
One of the things I have learned is that I like flats. I like being able to move quickly and with intent. Sneakers and flip flops have also become staples of my wardrobe. I even wear my sneakers with skirts, which is not really all that shocking except that I really haven't done it before. I was sad when I tossed out my Chuck Taylor's last year, but any shoe that makes your feet hurt for two days after wearing them is not worth keeping. I never wore them with skirts. I kept the plum SeaVees, which are so comfortable I wonder why I didn't wear them more. I didn't wear sneakers with skirts until I bought the navy Supergas last fall. Somehow the more open neck of the shoe works better with skirts and cropped pants. I liked them so much I bought the white version this spring. I was also looking for gray, but fell in love with the plaid sneaks instead. They seem to go with everything. They make me smile. And four pairs of sneakers seems like more than enough, a bit profligate really.
But of course I have more sneakers. There are also the athletic shoes. I started wearing the black Merrell barefoot models last summer. I promptly tossed all the more traditionally engineered versions. For the first time I found athletic shoes I could wear more than a few hours without wanting to rip them off my feet. I always marvelled at people who could spend the day in sneakers until I bought these. This spring, when I was walking and starting yoga and really thinking about gait and the mechanics of walking I got the gray toe-sneaks. I thought I would hate them. I don't. Rather than feeling constrained, I feel liberated, sure-footed, impish even. I won't go back.
Comments
14 responses to “Closet Chronicles: notes on style, happiness and sneakers”
Isn’t it funny how so many of us seem to be getting to this place at the same time? Just finding a formula that works and going with it….dropping the *effort* of it.
I love the plaid sneaks, what fun! I can only wear Chuck Taylors with orthotics, otherwise they don’t have enough support for me. I’m about to order another pair, something in a goofy bright color for summer. I also wear them with the little cotton tennis socks otherwise my feet sweat like crazy.
You are very much where I am as well – simple and simplifying is good!
I got the latest Elle and I’m not vaguely interested in looking like some 19 year old Disney clone GF of Justin Beiber or anyone else in it. The fashion magazines/industry is so out of touch with reality. I won’t be renewing. Who wants to dress like a hooker in ridiculous platform high heel shoes and tight fitting dresses? It’s pitiful to watch a woman try to walk without tripping all over herself.
Mardel, I feel the same way, am happy with a simple uniform and with taking my sweet time adding pieces. I like to keep life as simple as possible to minimize anxiety and stress.
It sounds hard navigating a minefield of need and anger.
I’m glad to see you back on your blog. It does seem that lately several of us are wanting to keep things simple. Maybe its the summer heat and humidity. I have also started yoga for the flexibility and if it tones some muscles all the better.
Best wishes for you and your husband.
I will have to carry the unloved style torch for us all. It’s a way to focus myself. If I were to open the doors and write about everything I’d drown.
No trail running in the toed sneakers please!
We went camping with a young cousin who raved about her toed sneakers. They were gods’ gift… One morning she gets up early and goes trail running. She came down on a rock, limped her way back to camp and spent the rest of the vacation sending us to the store for ice.
Otherwise it seems like you’ve got a good collection of summer shoes.
Rose, Well, in rough terrain, I still prefer the black sneakers with a bit more toe protection. Im not quite ready to go too au natural, but the toes do help with gripping things, and thinking about gait. I seem basically incapable of doing anything without thinking about it.
Lisa, It is not that I dont enjoy doing style posts, I do, but I was beginning to feel a bit vapid. You do it so well. And truthfully I understand about opening doors. Structure is good. Im just not sure what mine should be yet, so I am keeping more doors closed.
Thank you Jane. Yes summer always does seem to bring me to this minimal turn of mind, and then when the weather cools I start lusting after cashmere and everything changes.
Susan, taking my time is good. I seem to be very slow at incorporating things. I see things I like, but I can only absorb so much and I am finally learning not to rush things. Or at least I hope I have learned.
It has only recently struck me how much anger is fed by need. I am wondering how much of the anger stage of dementia is actually some unarticulated reaction to loss and need and the ensuing despair, which the person experiencing the dementia may not even consciously be aware of or able to express.
Pseu. Orthotics never occurred to me. But the Seavees have a good bit of arch support, the Supergas a little less.
Mardel, terrific post and incidentally echoes where I am, too. Your epiphany came via the move, mine via retirement. Wear the same skirt 4 days in a row if I please.
Lately 80% of my shopping is online, for convenience and access to sizes. Thinking how much fun it would be to go shopping with you, though. Maybe someday!
Yup. Very close to what I’m feeling lately, as I recently posted. “sometimes I think anti-style is one of my interests as well” Me too!! I’m so often ambivalent, especially with blogs that slip into the prescriptive. I can see how the directives are helpful, but sometimes I want to yell, “Who cares?” (even though I’m also sometimes the one caring. . . sigh, confusing . . . )
I’ve always thought that so much of your personal style shone best through your jewellry and other accessories — coats!!
And there’s nothing wrong with sneakers one day and heels the next. Can’t our personal style be more wide than “perfect personal style of the French woman” that is presented to American women far too often?