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Category: What I Wore

A Brief Pause

It has only been a week, well, a little over a week and I feel like it has been almost a lifetime since I last posted.

Last week was both full to bursting and quiet all at the same time. My step-son and his wife were visiting and we had a lovely visit both joyous and sad as they realized that it may well be the last time they visit us in the Hudson Valley. And this was sad for us as well, as we reminisced about shared history. Even knowing this the right thing for us now does not make the sadness of preparing to leave our home of 30 years fade away.

Among the good things was being able to spend time with my daughter-in-law, shopping, getting a pedicure, stopping for a mojito and just chatting. These are activities that our visits here or there have rarely seemed to include time for, usually because visits have been too short, too packed with activities, too stressed. We dined out with friends. We also dined in, mostly for very casual meals. No fancy cooking marathons for me on this visit, perhaps I will save those for a future winter visit in our new home.

This simple lunch of smoked salmon rolled around arugula leaves and mascarpone cheese flavored with herbs and scallions was inspired by a recipe in Jody Adam's cookbook In the Hands of a Chef. I didn't have enough arugula to use as a salad we used fresh local spinach and sugar snap peas instead.

I also purchased a few things for myself on our shopping expeditions even as I told myself that I have enough to pack. Luckily the things I did buy have already become mainstays in my summer wardrobe. My new rule is that it gets worn or it goes back; no saving things for "better". I picked up this purple/periwinkle linen tank top on sale at a store in Rhinebeck. It is by a company called Flax, and I really like it as it is very cool and breezy, which has proved to be important this week as the combination of high temperatures and high humidity are pressing in all around.

The top is very simple and I think I can copy it easily. It is a nice length and shape and think it will become a kind of hot-weather basic, and possibly a layering piece if I play with fabrics. I am actually looking forward to replicating this, either when I get settled, or if I come across a tempting piece of linen while I pack, as a brief diversion and respite from summer heat and the trials of sorting, discarding, packing.

In the photo I am wearing the tank with NYDJ straight-leg white jeans, natural espadrilles, and a linen blend scarf which was purchased a few years ago from Banana Republic.

I wore the same outfit again early this week, except that I figured out the scarf looked better wrapped and draped around the neckline of the top, not just dangling down. I felt it needed something at the neck though, something small, and I fished this single blue pearl out of my box of things I rarely wear. Almost perfect.

When it comes to jewelry, I am attracted to statement pieces and the small pieces seem out of scale or not me. As a result it seems I have a box full of pieces that all scream "look at me" and hog all the attention. I am only just beginning to appreciate the subtle joys of those quieter pieces. I see that I could actually benefit from having a few things that can be mixed and worn together in different combinations. This is something I think I need to explore a little further.

July 21, 2011
Celebrations, Contemplations and Wearing the new Skirt

As intended, I wore my new skirt on Tuesday for my 53rd birthday lunch, creating a new tradition in the process as is the second year I have made and worn a new birthday skirt. Although I had no intention of being repetitious, apparently I wore the same shirt with both skirts. Last year's look was a bit more sophisticated though. Oh well, I am thoroughly enjoying my new skirt, even though G commented that I was going for "peasant chic" when he saw me in the skirt with the flat sandals.

When I made the skirt I had a strong suspicion that it would go well with my birthday present from G, a pair of tourmaline earrings and a bracelet, not matching as they are made by different designers, but very similar in color and feel. The skirt also goes well with these favorite gladiator sandals, which I have had a few years. The coarseness of the fabric complements the raw leather of the sandals, which is good because although I love the sandals I have had trouble pairing them with outfits at times. I rather like the mixture of the pretty, feminine print with the coarser leather, and I am tickled that the colors of the skirt echo the colors of the daylilies I planted last fall.

This year I opted to go to lunch instead of dinner, partly because it makes the day seem more relaxed and I have that option since we are both retired, and partly because G is simply brighter in the afternoon. Once again we went to the Culinary, this time to the American Bounty Room, where we hadn't dined since we had lunch with Marji last fall.

I had the duck confit salad which was incredible, even without the crusted goat cheese, which unfortunately has gluten in the breading, followed by the salmon and smoked scallop roulade, which was lusciously light. The combination of the salmon and the scallops, at once tender and sweet with just a hint of smokiness and deeper flavors was perfectly offset by the lobster butter, and the most delicious artichokes I have ever eaten. They were simultaneously astringent and tart, and full of nutty, earthy artichoke flavor combined with a rich buttery intensity, perhaps from the lobster butter, that almost a symphony of complimentary flavors. I judiciously parceled my artichoke pieces around so that I could savor them slowly. I ended with the banana white chocolate creme brulee, which was just perfect, and only just sweet enough, not as overwhelmingly sweet as I had feared, despite the combination of often too-sweet white chocolate with sugary bananas.

G had the crab cakes to start and ended with the modern baked alaska, which is a lemon sponge cake topped with strawberry gelato and then baked with a meringue topping. I couldn't sample either but he raved about the dessert enough that I am seriously considering making a gluten-free version at home. For his main course he had the grilled smoked pork tenderloin which amazed me because although it had all the tenderness and silky texture that I associate with well prepared pork tenderloin, the flavor was rich and complicated and far more intense than I expected with that cut of meat, having all the flavor of a rich slow-braised, caramelized, fattier cut of pork, except wrapped in the tenderloin package. I would love to know how they did that.

While we were eating I was trying to pay attention to the flavors and enjoy the moment, but I was also thinking about how I would describe the meal, and thinking about all the food and travel blogs where people post photos of the delicious things they have eaten. I found myself thinking "how do they do that?", when of course, I know "how" they do it. They simply take photos. Just as I was thinking this, and thinking that I couldn't really bring myself to interrupt a lovely dining experience and conversation by pulling out my camera and photographing my plate, the food was brought out to a group two tables down from us. As soon as the waiters departed, the entire table stood up and pulled out their cameras and smart-phones and started snapping, playing musical chairs as they moved around the table photographing each other's plates. It seemed like a game and a dance. The flow of the restaurant was unchanged; no one seemed to notice. I probably would not have noticed had not been thinking about that very subject. But I still couldn't do it. Perhaps it is a generational thing like the tables of young people I see at otherwise fancy restaurants, interrupting their meals or their conversations to text.

And there you have it. At 53 I do not feel old although I acknowledge that I am on the tail-end of middle-age. And yet, I am old fashioned and out of date. The habits of the young sometimes seem completely foreign to me. I do not disparage them, I simply recognize that my views are becoming passé. I am not yet ready to give up my standards, nor am I willing to withdraw, but I also realize that everything changes, that time and culture marches on, and that the world will, inevitably, pass me by. I can interact with the world and continue learning, I can remain youthful in spirit, but I cannot become young. No matter how much I grow and change, the building blocks that form my perspective will never be the same as those that form the basis of this brave new world, just as the framework around which I built my life was foreign to the perspective of my own parents and grandparents. As I celebrate my birthday, so I celebrate being able to be a part of an ever-changing world.

July 8, 2011
Dressing for Myself

I love perusing the fashion magazines although I can't for the most part say that I actually read them. More likely I pore over the pages, studying the photos, looking at trends, seeking out individual items I like but mostly looking at colors and shapes and details that inspire me.

But the truth is that although I might buy new pieces, or make things based on trends, I don't actually think about being current or fashionable when I dress. I like to hope that my appearance is not completely at odds with my environment or what is current. I buy new things, but if I love them and love wearing them, which are not necessarily the same thing, I will wear them long past their "wear by" date. And when it comes to sewing, well all bets are off. I sew what I want to wear when I sew it. The same is true for knitting. And although my choices are undoubtedly shaped by what I read and see around me, I don't usually start a project thinking that I want to knock-off or create a certain look copied from what I see in magazines or on the street.

This hasn't always been true. When I was young I did knock off particular looks. And I still keep files on things I like and how they are made, but I worry less about how close I am to the original. Perhaps I just worry less about what other people think, which should, I would hope, be a normal part of aging. I don't have to dress for work, although it took me a long long time to banish work-related clothing from my wardrobe, probably as long as it took me to stop defining myself by what I did versus who I am.

So there we have it. Dressing for who I am. Who I am now. Well, I still mess up a lot and don't always get it right, meaning I don't get it right for me. I am still evolving. Hopefully we are all still evolving. But getting it right means wearing something comfortable, something in which I feel confident, and appropriate. I don't want to look the crazy old lady that everyone stares at the grocery store because she has too much makeup and looks like a clown. Nor do I want to look like that middle aged lady who has pursued youth at any cost, and usually the costs are great and are apparent to everyone except the person who has staked her all on the pursuit of eternal youth. Some days I don't mind standing out but I also have days where I just want to be a member of the chorus.

So what do I have? I am a tall-ish middle aged woman who remains a little heavier than she would like in a world obsessed with thinness, but who also recognizes that her body might be telling her that this is where it wants to be now. My thighs are thicker than I would like, as are my arms. But this has always been true, even in my teens and twenties, so I might as well embrace them. My almost 53-year old middle is thicker than it used to be, my chin is rapidly becoming one with my neck, and arthritis has made my knuckles thicker and knobbier. It could be worse. I won't deny that there are days it feels worse to me than others, but generally, if this is the price of being 53, I can live with it.

And I can still dress the way I want. I just can't necessarily dress the way I did in my 20s, or 30s or 40s. And I'm okay with that. I don't want to be who I was in my 20s and I don't want to dress the way I did then either. I am beginning to learn to just let it be. I am just beginning to let myself wear what works and feels comfortable to me in the life I lead without worry. If I turn off those inner voices filled with regret and shame and rules and conventions, I can still pretty much tell if something works or doesn't, if it works for my view of myself.

Which finally gets me round to the picture above and what I am wearing. We took the scenic route today, the route through a mountain of verbiage that just wouldn't get out of the way.

This outfit mostly works for me. The shoes are new, purchased on sale. I am not one to only shop sales as I tend to wear popular sizes, but these olive sandals just kind of fell into my lap. My previous pair of olive sandals were 5 years old, or older, and were falling apart. Like the originals these have this kind of modified wedge heel which is very comfortable, although the new ones are taller, nearly 4 inches whereas the originals were 3, and they have a buckled ankle strap. I love ankle straps even though my legs are somewhat short for my height. Of course with pants it doesn't matter, and the 4 inch heel lengthens the leg very effectively. I've worn the shoes three or four times, for most of the day, and my feet are only tired, but not sore, after 8 or 9 hours.

The pants are old, I don't know how old. I bought them years ago from Athleta. They were a couple of inches longer than the catalog said they would be, and I wanted to wear them with gym shoes to work out and wear to and from the gym. I didn't want to gather them at the ankle, I thought that looked silly, and it probably would look silly if they were gathered at the ankle. For some reason I did not send them back. And I did not think of wearing them as a casual pant with heels. I was still defining myself by my work clothes back then. I put them in a pile to be shortened, and by the time I got around to them I was to fat to wear them. I don't do that kind of thing anymore. If I don't wear something right away it goes back or gets passed on. I put the pants in a box labeled try again at XXX pounds. I found the box in the top of a closet last week. I am at XXX pounds. Everything in the box was too big, some things were so large they were comical. Only these pants fit. And now I love them. I love them with heels. I don't actually wear them with the legs straight, although they are nice enough, but I love them with the gathers around the base of my heel. They are light and cool and airy and I feel like skipping when I wear them. At 53, clothes that make you feel like skipping should be embraced.

The rest of the outfit is nothing special. The tee is nice. It would be nicer if the arm were cut in a little more, baring more of the shoulder, but I love the color and the neckline. I could open up the armhole, but I probably won't get to it before the season is over. The necklace is very nice, green amethyst on a gold chain, and the color works well, but it is a tad to delicate for the outfit. I bought the necklace to go with a delicate dress (the Stella McCartney) with which it is perfect. I didn't have anything I liked better with this outfit so I wore it.

But the necklace is important because it fills a gap. So many of my pieces are statement pieces, and I don't have many pieces I can wear inside a neckline. There is a lot of real estate from my chin to my bustline and dainty pendants and chains tend to look lost. With this piece I am finally recognizing the possibilities of layering necklaces, and of delicate pieces. Perhaps that is also because I am wandering back to shirts and blouses instead of tees, but that is a subject for another post. The day I wore this outfit I took G to our favorite jeweler so he could pick out a birthday present for me. While he was working on that task, I looked at other, similar, chains, playing with colors and lengths and the possibilities of layering necklaces. To my surprise I really liked the look, and I would have never tried it were it not for that Stella McCartney dress.

As I said before, hopefully we are always evolving.

(click on photo to enlarge)

June 18, 2011
A Concert, Bare Legs, And Random Mental Meanderings

Yesterday G and I took another one of our occasional Sunday outings to attend a concert in Beacon followed by dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant, Cafe Maya.

I was expecting spring-like temperatures, and it was warm, but not as warm as the previous day, when I was over-dresssed for the spirit of the weather if not the actual temperatures. I felt like wearing a dress, but I knew it wasn't quite warm enough for the Stella McCartney but I didn't feel like wearing a wool dress either. I rustled around in the closet, which is once again in transition due to both seasonal and weight-related changes.

I came up with this dress, purchased from Athleta last fall and thought it might be just perfect. Truthfully I was a little on the chill side. Before the cold weather set in, I often wore this with leggings and ballet flats, but I didn't feel like leggings yesterday. I think I was seduced by the spring-like warmth and sunshine of Saturday, so I decided to bare my gams.

But of course Sunday, while about the same in absolute temperature, felt cooler as it remained cloudy all day and I was a little cold. And so I fretted. I could have worn leggings. I could have worn tights or even sheer hose. I could have worn something else altogether. I worried that my 53-year-old knees were no longer up to the exposure. I haven't given up sheer hose yet, and given that I was attending a chamber concert where the average age seems to be around 75 with 90% of the audience being over the age of 60, classic nylons would not have been out context. In fact the bare legs were probably more out of place.

So I spent part of the concert fretting about my knees, my bare legs,and various other things. This was not really the fault of the concert or my sartorial choices as I have been sleeping badly and have been somewhat overwrought over a situation that I am not ready to share. Not to worry, it has nothing to do with G, but it has rendered me occasionally unable to sit and just enjoy the moment.

But the concert was, overall, quite good. We heard the Jupiter String Quartet playing Schumann, Kurtag and Mozart and the concert was just lovely, although I am not quite sure what I think of Kurtag quite yet. The Kurtag piece was "Hommage à Mihály András" and it was very interesting, and at times arresting, but I could not wrap my head around it. This may be more a reflection of the state of my head than the music, but this is something I will only figure out with more exposure.

I do think it is telling though, that although I loved the Schumann Quartet in A Major, and I thought the performance of the Mozart Quintet in A Major was fine, I could not really keep my attention on the Mozart. The music was very familiar of course, it is a work I with which I can easily hum along, unlike the Kurtag, and perhaps that was part of the problem. As I listened my mind wandered. I started off listening and then, as I listened, I suddenly remembered that this piece was played in an episode of M.A.S.H, I believe the final episode and I was flashing back to that episode. This led me to consider if I knew any other films in which the clarinet quintet was used. Well, Mozart is very common in film and television, almost to the point of being ubiquitous, which I do not generally think is a good thing, as if we hear something enough we start to take it for granted and stop actually listening, as I was not listening yesterday afternoon. I can think of lots of films with Mozart, but the only one I could remember with this actual piece was Venus, which we watched recently, and perhaps that too, the film's position in my fairly recent memory, along with my own scattered state, is what prompted my absent-minded musings.

So it was a fine afternoon if scattered, and I prefer, if I am going out to a concert, to be able to focus more on the work of the musicians. I feel I owe them that. But it was good. G enjoyed it as well, although he is gradually becoming more and more scattered again, as if that Sunday of the first concert we attended was the high point of this recent reversal and now we are back on course, although still a long way from where we were.

April 11, 2011
Transitional Dressing

It feels like it has been a long time since I did a "what I wore post", especially with no new handiwork to show off.

Tunic: (dress) Dolce Vita, 2006 or 2007, often worn and previously posted

Turtleneck: Spanx, 2011

Jeans: DKNY, new

Shoes: Heavy Machine, September 2010

Bracelet: gift from G, sometime in the '80s.

Necklace: Siman Tu, perhaps 2007 or 2008.

I often tend to fall into a rut, wearing the same outfit over and over again without really varying the details. For example, for a long time I wore this tunic exclusively with dark jeans and a navy turtleneck. Boring. This fall and winter I wore it several times with tees with varying necklines but no turtlenecks, and it was okay but I had trouble aligning the perfect combination of tunic, top, and jewelry.

For me, the white turtleneck was something new and almost daring as it opened up many new possibilities and I had fun playing with jewelry and accessories in the morning. This necklace is one I always tell myself I should wear more and I am thrilled that it worked out so well with these pieces.

Oddly enough wearing white has completely changed my perception of the piece and how to wear it. I think there are more options lurking in my closet, options that never occurred to me before. Sometimes the smallest changes open our eyes to entire new vistas.

April 2, 2011
At Long Last Louisa

Well, it is with great relief that I can state that something is finished around here. I finished Louisa Tuesday night and wore it yesterday. I am smitted with this sweater and I will knit it again, in fact I already have yarn for the next iteration even though I won't be starting it right away.

There I am in the morning, trying hard not to shiver in the spring snow. The yarn is a wool/linen blend from Habu and it is very light weight. I thought this might be a nice transitional sweater and will be, although I was really thinking along the lines of slightly warmer transitional weather. I was much too eager to wear this sweater to worry much about being a little chilly. Besides, shivering burns calories, right?

I am very happy with how this turned out, and I didn't do anything to the pattern aside from adding 6 inches to the length. At the time I worried that it was perhaps too much, but now I see that it is just perfect; I might make the next version shorter, but probably no more than 2 inches shorter.

Here is a picture of the sweater on the floor, so you can get a better view of the actual shape. It was a very simple pattern, knit in the round from the bottom up with just enough shaping to make it flattering and avoid complete boredom.

As I mentioned previously, the pattern is Louisa from CocoKnits, and the yarn is Habu N-68 Lamb/Linen, which is now one of my favorite yarns. In fact the pattern may become a favorite as well, and I am eager to try other patterns by the same company.

But next up is something from the new Spring Rowan magazine.

March 24, 2011
What I wore.

I had mixed feelings about this coat at the beginning of the season. It obviously fit. And I've always loved it, but perhaps I have been reading too many style books or something because I struggle with whether it is attractive or appropriate or just dowdy.

I like the elongated double-breasted cut and double breasted jackets have always been good on me. I do love the length, but it is difficult to wear. A shorter coat is easier for the car. It is too long in sloppy weather. I have to hold it up to climb stairs so it would be impossible to wear if I had to take public transportation. I read that long coats make one look dumpy. So what? I love it anyway. I feel glamorous and romantic when I wear it. Do glamorous and romantic go together? Can one be romantic in a tailored double breasted coat?

Now that I think about it, every year I tell myself it is too long, that I should get rid of it, that it is not attractive or practical. And every year I end up wearing it more than I anticipate. After 4 or 5 years it still looks good. Who am I to argue?

Yesterday I put it on because I was wearing a tunic-vest with an asymmetric hem that hung in points below my knees and therefore below the hem of several other coats. This drove me crazy. With this coat the pointy bits were all hidden. With the coat, the look was completely different than without. I liked that.

Most of these items are new. Well most of my wardrobe is new as the old stuff no longer fit, or just looked old, or both.

White turtleneck, Carlisle, is rayon/lycra and several years old.

The striped vest and slim pants were purchased in mid November at a store in Cold Spring called Art to Wear. It was my first solo shopping trip in several years, and I was a bit apprehensive, thinking I wouldn't find much, but I found several pieces and everything I took to the dressing room fit and worked. I've been living in these clothes ever since. Both of these pieces are by a line called Comfy, frankly a name which I would not have sought out as it evokes images of shapeless fleece. But I was wrong. I bought three pieces and I love them all. Truthfully the pants are a bit short on me, but they are slim and warm and work perfectly with boots.

I obsessed about a pair of over-the-knee boots with wrap ties all last year and never bought them. When I saw these in September I realized that this was obviously not just a passing fancy and bought them. I have no regrets.

The earrings are the same ones you saw here.

Obviously I've been fooling myself if I believed my style was "classic".

January 5, 2011
Transfer Day or what I wore on Tuesday

To tell the truth, I never intended to be absent so long, and I hope to be able to maintain a more stable schedule now that G has been transferred to a rehab facility.

You see, he has been in the hospital since last Wednesday and I have been tired, worried, hopeful, sad, tired, frantic, angry, busy, and, did I say tired? I have meant to write but I come home exhausted both mentally and physically. I try to sleep but I only sleep a few hours and then wake up worrying about everything: What will happen? What do I need to do? When will G come home? Will G come home? What will he need? Am I doing the right things?

G used to be the one who would lay awake at night worrying, while I slept sweetly beside him. Now it seems that this house requires a worrier, and in his absence I have assumed the mantle. I am hoping that now that he is in rehab, things will be calmer and more stable, and perhaps I shall worry a little less, or at least that I shall worry a little less under cover of darkness.

It has been cold and windy here and yesterday my car was due to go into the shop and G was scheduled for possible transfer so my cushy life of driving my car from my warm garage to the hospital garage where I could walk through the indoor walkway to the hospital without being outside for more than a few feet was about to come to an end.

It was time for a coat. This one was chosen by G a few weeks ago, when we were out shopping for other things and he was his old bright charming self. It shall remain nameless as it has no tags, but is warm filled nylon with a rabbit collar. I wore it with the Elm skirt which I purchased last spring and Brian Atwood boots, purchased from Yoox a few seasons back. I was hoping the coat with its strong positive G-vibe would be a good luck charm, and, feeling in need of positive reinforcement, I also chose these oxidized silver earrings by Annette Ferdinandsen which G gave me for my birthday two years ago, even though they were a bit light for the gusts of wind and were beating about my face whenever I was outdoors.

Underneath the coat I wore a gray rayon jersey draped top I made a few years back using the Hot Patterns Weekender Renaissance Tops pattern.

The nice thing about being bone tired is that apparently I am far less inhibited in front of the self-timer on the camera. My stiff reserve has been beaten under the table and my more uninhibited silly side has been allowed to sneak out. I know G would like the first photo better, but I am rather fond of this one, as it captures my more spontaneous ridiculous side. I'm going to hang on to it to remind myself of the importance of being silly no matter what else is going on in life.

November 10, 2010