I did not realize until late yesterday afternoon that the photo on my last post was indicative of the degree of incoherence that would be found in my prose. When I read my own post the next day, with the attention of posting again, my first urge was to do so serious editing. Then I felt that I should really just delete the whole thing and start over. But I hate to do that. Better to walk away. Better to leave it up with a pointed reminder to myself: “don’t do this” or “the dangers of writing on the verge of exhaustion”.
Of course I do tend to ramble on in a barely coherent fashion when I am talking, so at least I passed the “write the way you speak” test.
Or perhaps there is some common thread between my writing and my clothing choices: I have a great deal of trouble editing.
Yesterday I intended to write about this outfit. The top is a dress I bought from Eileen Fisher after reading this post by Une Femme. I remembered that I wanted some long graceful tops and was having trouble finding something. It would really have to be at least 32″ to cover my butt, and I remember Sandra Betzina saying that I should wear 35″ long jackets. I saw this dress. I have a few Eileen Fisher pieces, but not many. Most of them do not flatter; the pants are mostly too short. But I figured that UPS is my friend, and it could always be sent back. Besides I would rather try something I can send back with little effort than spend precious time making something I wasn’t sure I would like.
When I first put it together I liked it, but I had doubts. I wondered if the dress over the pants was too “hippy dippy? Perhaps it is bordering on some kind of “middle-aged tunic-wearing, I’ve put on a few pounds so I’ll just add a couple of long scarves and give up” kind of look?
But I like the wide low neckline with the necklace. I like the long soft flowing length. The fabric is light and quite cool on a hot day. The way the dress kind of floated a bit when I walked made me smile and feel pretty. And I like this length (35″) on me over pants. I was quite comfortable and happy in the outfit all day.
I realize the cotton/lycra pants are a little stiff, and it might look nicer with narrow silk or a very light wool. Or would that be too much float and flow, heading me into Bea Arthur in the Golden Girls territory? If I make softer pants will I regret it? Is it worth the effort? Am I going to look at this photo next week or even next year and think “what was I thinking”. Will I look back and say “the long downward slide started there, with that outfit, I can see it now”.
I admit that have always defining my style. I know what it isn’t more than what it is. My clothing choices are probably mostly boring, but I do like things that were more ethnic, sometimes artistic, sometimes dramatic: I like unusual jewelry, ethnic pieces but also spare modern pieces, big cuffs. I like cowboy boots. I also like Manolos.
I love elegant clothes and beautiful fabrics. But I don’t really feel I can pull off the full-blown polished classically elegant look. Perhaps it is the hair, which always does its own thing. Truthfully I like letting the hair do its own thing, I find it more appealing than perfect polish. I suppose my penchant for flippy hair and sitting on the floor do not quite go with the elegant socialite look.
I love long skirts and bright bright colors. I love ethnic prints. I also hate the full blown gypsy-boho-artistic look on me although I can admire it on others.
But I don’t always manage to mix the pieces together well. What I think looks like a bit of incongruence looks to others like a mistake. And I am not confident enough to quell that inner demon. Perhaps I have just reached a point where I am tired of making boring choices. Perhaps I am tired of letting what I think other people want me to be shape what I wear. But at the same time, I am not quite ready to embrace the inner me without some concession to how I appear to the world and some concession to those inner demons. Perhaps it is just time for me to come out of the sartorial closet and play.
