Category: Musings

Spring colors.  I am knitting with spring colors, although there is still plenty of wool in my plans and plenty of cold weather still hanging around.  But the days are warmer and brighter because the sun is higher in the sky.  I know spring is on its way because the sun has risen past that point where I have to close the blinds in the late afternoon or the house is filled with the blinding glare and reflection of the sun on the Hudson. 

I also know spring is on the way in another sense because everything suddenly looks so much brighter.    I have been worried and preoccupied lately and I have not really felt like sharing, mostly because my thoughts and fears were far to close to my heart.  Call it superstitious perhaps, but I felt that if I voiced my wishes and dreams they might not come true.

But, as I said, Spring is in my step, in more ways than one.  I think it was good that Easter came early this year, because Easter has always been a harbinger of big changes and transitions in my life.  Again call me superstitious but I think Easter was on my side. 

DH was in the hospital last week.  He went in Wednesday for an aortic valve replacement and possible bypass.  I was worried, but not specifically about the surgery, but about many things, and I had hopes, high hopes.  DH has had a hard year since the lung cancer that was caught and removed last spring, and many other health issues in the ensuing months, some more minor, some more major.    He is home now and doing fabulously well after the surgery.

I spent the days in the hospital, but I thought I would sew in the evenings when I was home.  I always forget how exhausting sitting can be.  Those things I attempted to sew are best forgotten now.  It is only fabric after all and there is some fabric that will never be shown on this blog.  There was also a laughable attempt at a muslin, but that at least can be redone.

There are bits and pieces of things in process, and hopefully there will be things to show again soon, not just mistakes to toss into the trash.  I'm not quite there yet but I will be because my heart is lighter now and my ability to focus has also returned.

You see, I knew that the surgeons could fix DH's heart, this is such a common procedure now and the evidence was that this would be pretty straightforward.  But I had been watching my love slip away mentally, no longer paying attention, not seeing things, not following conversations, losing the ability to perform simple tasks.  This was very sad.  And although it is known that heart disease can cause one to be tired. and lose mental acuity, none of his doctors believed that the heart disease was the root of his problems.  They expected chest pain and angina, traditional symptoms, which my DH did not have until very recently, although he had a severely stenotic valve, and extensive disease in two arteries.  But he always did marvelously on stress tests, felt fine when he exercised, had no chest pain, and had no severe arterial blockages.   They all thought the memory issues had to be caused by something else because they see these as "secondary symptoms".  But they found extensive disease over a widespread swath of the affected arteries, just not a thick blockage at a single point.  They found a seriously malfunctioning valve.

And the first thing I noticed is that DH is brighter.  He notices things he hadn't noticed for a long time such as colors and music.  It is as if he could see and hear, but he had stopped registering these things.  We have conversations again.  He remembers what was said.  He cracks jokes.   He reads an article and discusses it.  These are all things I once took for granted.  These are all things I thought I had lost. 

I had hoped that the surgery would bring my DH back to me, at least in part.  I am reveling in finding this person has been returned to me.  And yes, now I know that spring is truly on its way.

March seems to be slipping by.  "Real Life" has been intruding here (how dare it?) and I have been a little flustered and unable to focus on my various projects.  And yet some of these same projects are progressing albeit slowly.  I have also managed to gather all my UFO's into one place where I can hopefully whittle down the stack

These came in the mail today:

I don't need to tell you that my mind is overflowing with ideas and inspirations and even a quick glance here says that even more is about to be piled on the overflowing scales.

They will at least entertain me during the remainder of my "busy season" here. 

I am still knitting, and yes sewing some too, but not on anything new or creative, mostly mending and alterations and simple gifts.  Things should slow down a bit in about another week and I hope to be a little more regular in my progress, hopefully with many things to show.

In the meantime I have house guests to attend to as well as various gatherings of the clans and many goings on which require my attention.

Back soon.

It was finally time for  a new haircut yesterday.  I had been counting the days.  Afterwards I went to pick up new glasses, something else I had been waiting for with baited breath.  I had been told that my prescription really hadn’t changed much, but apparently it was enough.  Now I no longer have to take my glasses off to read, or better yet, to see the computer, which means there is less likelihood that I will be spending my time running around the house wondering where I put my glasses.  I got bifocals (or progressive lenses) a couple of years ago just to avoid that scenario.  An unexpected benefit of my new prescription is that oncoming headlights don’t bother me nearly as much as they had even 24 hours ago.  The light must have been just blurry enough….now I can happily drive home from knitting group/class late at night without worry or headaches. 

Since the last time I updated my avatar was the last time I got new glasses, it seemed like it was about time  for an update there as well.

I had really planned for today to be an at-home day with plenty of catch up housecleaning to do and a long list of telephone calls to make but we changed plans.   DH had been increasingly uncomfortable following minor surgery on Monday and we went in to the doctor’s office for a quick check.  All was fine; we were in and out even before I could get two rows knitted on a new scarf I brought along to start.    DH had the fine suggestion that we should go out for coffee and a pastry somewhere so a discussion of possible coffee shops ensued.  He wanted something with a lovely view, but I really couldn’t think of any:  a lovely view of a parking lot perhaps, or perhaps a lovely view of the intersection of Route 9 and Market Street.  But there are no charming shops or pedestrians strolling the avenues so this was less enticing.  I finally had the idea of going to the CIA.  I used to meet friends for lunch at the Apple Pie Bakery Cafe, but hadn’t been there lately, and I wasn’t sure that DH had ever been.  It was perfect.  We both had a lovely piece of brioche filled with serrano ham and manchego cheese and a cup of excellent coffee.  We even scored a table with a view.  DH agreed that it was a lovely place and is already talking going over for an occasional morning spent perusing the NY Times with coffee and a pastry.  Of course lunch is always an option too.  Friday morning pastry with my DH, now that’s a nice way to spend retirement.  Of course brioche doesn’t help with knocking off those Christmas pounds, but you know what, I really don’t care.  I’d much rather have the brioche.

.We had to walk past the bookstore on the way back to the car.  Even though I haven’t put up the shelves in the new library/workout room and therefore still have my cookbook collection stacked around the house, I bought two more, although I think these are as much reading books as cooking books.

Raymond Sokolov and Corby Kumer are both writers I have long enjoyed so I know I will enjoy reading these books regardless of the state of the recipes.  But I am sure I will find something we like as well. 

And yes, those are little bits of yarn peeking out behind the books.  It is still piled up on the cutting table, and I bought more last night.  But at least I decided what I am doing with the new yarn.

Temptation I tell you, life is just too full of temptation.

I finally ordered Jane Brocket's  book and it arrived Thursday.  I have been interested in it since the beginning as Jane's blog is one I eagerly look forward to reading.  But when one's list of books to acquire or read numbers in the hundreds, and one's library in the thousands, sometimes things get delayed.  There was never any doubt that I would get the book, there was only some question as to when, especially as we have been weeding and rearranging the tomes on the walls, and there is nothing more daunting, nor more likely to make me curse under my breath and swear to limit the number of books coming into the house — for a short time at least.

So this morning when I awoke to the continuation of my cold with throat still parched and sore and the symptoms migrating rapidly to my head, it seemed like the perfect time to curl up near a window to watch the dawn and slowly savor my new book and a cup of tea all wrapped up in a warm mohair blanket.

I had a lovely, leisurely couple of hours.  I did not read quickly, allowing myself to slowly savor the treat, mostly starting at the beginning, but flipping through here and there when my some bit of thick-headedness would cloud my attention. Slowly wending my way through the book is like reading Jane's blog; filled with beautiful pictures and evocative words.  I loved just sitting and dreaming about my favorite things:  yarn and fabric, colors, beads, books, baked goods, chocolate, wine.

I might not have, initially, thought I would be so enamored of a blog that did not revolve around knitting and sewing beautiful clothes, but I should have known better.  I am happiest with books, yarn, fabric, baking, flowers, chocolate.   I am basically a garment sewer and I love beautiful clothes, but I love more than that as well, and this book inspires a different creative impulse.

Such a joy.

While I read, I set up a pot of grits in the double boiler where they could cook slowly at a soft simmer while I read and dreamed.    Grits still speak to me of home and comfort food, and are especially nice when I am slightly under the weather.  Although I grew up with smooth, quicker cooking grits, I have found I love the thickly textured stone-ground grits from Anson Mills  best of all.  They are not fast food, but they fill body and soul.

Where does the week go?

I have been busy shifting things around the house again, trying to move DH’s office from one spare bed room to another and in the process scattering furniture, books, and junk throughout the house.  The new office is beginning to take shape, but the process is eating lots of time and leaving me much too tired in the evening to sit at my sewing machine and wrap my poor brain around actually sewing anything.  Even knitting is painfully slow as my poor tired muscles seem to revolt even at the weight of knitting and my brain process the idea of knit and purl as if it is under 200 feet of water.

I still have hopes that I might gain a fabric closet out of all the mess, and the prospect is encouraging me to be ruthless with the purging, but the prospect of winnowing down 30 years of professional stuff and a bunch of personal history and making it fit into one "personal home office" sometimes proves overwhelming for both of us.  There is a reason that we both dreaded going into the old "office", but we are also both determined that the new office will really promise a "new start".

In the meantime the January issue of Patrones arrived and there are some really nice patterns contained therein.  Between this issue and the December issue there are quite a few things I want to make, and there are still several projects that are waiting on the shelves and next to the cutting table, including a few UFO’s. 

I can’t begin to say how happy I will be when the house is finally  done.  Although some of that doing also includes a few piles of things in my sewing room that were moved in after the October Master Bedroom fire and never dealt with.

I am also playing with bits of the fabric collection as boxes of fabric have been evacuated from closets in the rooms that are being redone.  Mostly I just spend my time stacking fabric and my fabric index cards into pleasing combinations.  I am revisiting old favorite combinations and finding a few new favorites as well.  The process is also helping me find new ways to look at orphaned garments and fabrics and find new ways to work favorite pieces into a wardrobe that I will actually wear.

Once I sew it that is.

Words were running around in my brain all day while I frittered away the time with those tasks-that-must-be-done, whatever they were.  Chores are like that, things that are necessary to make our lives the seamlessly functioning things they are, and yet so completely forgettable.

Words of a less pleasant nature were running around my brain when I discovered that the extra sewing time I thought I had found was actually the gym time that I had misplaced. 

Words were swirling around while I sat in traffic at the construction site near my house waiting to come home.

Now the words are gone, but they revolved around the color green.

It struck me that I have purchased two pairs of athletic/sneaker type shoes in the last few months and they both have green accents:

These light bright yellow greens are not often found in my wardrobe but it has injected itself periodically.  I find that the bits of  yellow green make me unaccountably happy.  Will these two little sparks of green be it for me, or are they merely the first little trickle in what will eventually become a new color obsession?

courtesy of  the Alexander McQueen Spring 2008 collection at Style.com

I am deep in re-organizing, decluttering, and generally clearing my thoughts and my sewing space for finishing up old projects and beginning new ones. 

After a long period of just having too much going on followed by a long fallow period where I just had no motivation to make anything, ideas are flowing again and there is much I want to get done.

But I don't want to jump into all the new ideas and leave all the things that I started last year unfinished, so I am sorting through projects and ideas, thinking about what I still want to work on (quite a bit by the way) and also trying to leave room for new inspirations.  I think I am actually coming up with a pseudo-plan, or at least a rough guide, and I will be updating you about that in the coming days.

Meanwhile, I am sorting through piles, untangling knots, both physical and mental, ripping a few knitting mistakes.

I have a stack of sweaters to work on and far more dreams than I could ever knit.

I also want to finish up many sewing projects that I started last year, and although I also want to jump into new projects, I want to wear the garments I never made as well, so it time to tackle all that stuff so it no longer weighs me down.

Oh, and I did write Patrones.  I should be hearing from them this coming week. Thank you all for the comments and encouragement.  Thank you also Natasha for inspiring me to move forward with this.

One of the decisions I have made is to actually get one of these Patrones patterns made up, sooner rather than later, although I may alternate working on it with finishing up a few of those old projects. 

I miss them too.

I had a crazy desire to just make something this weekend which is now almost past and I almost drove myself crazy with it.  I just couldn’t squeeze in the time and I was frustrated and anxious and generally sewing deprived.  Are there physical manifestations of sewing deprivation?  I think there are.

But I know that my life has been too crazy of late.

And I know that one more UFO is more than I can bear. 

So instead I managed to pack up all my stuff for our trip to Knoxville.  And I spent part of that packing time with wardrobe play, figuring out what goes with what and starting to formulate a plan not just about what to wear on this trip, but what I want my wardrobe to be and what I need to sew and knit to make that wardrobe a reflection of those aspects of me I want the world to see when I dress in the morning.

Oh, and I also cleaned the house because  that way I can at least walk in the door in 10 days and not feel like I am starting out behind (yet again).  Because we all know that I will still be behind.   But illusions are everything.  And at this point in my life finishing things is more important than starting new things, even new things that feed my half-starved creative soul.

And I still know that those sewing machines will welcome me back whenever I find my way back into their world.  And I will give thanks for that.  And I will give thanks that my life is generally good and if I am overwhelmed I am overwhelmed by the excesses inherent in this comfortable life I lead.  It could be so different.  And I am grateful.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving.

I will be back in December.  And yes, I will sew again.

This bit of sewing amusement has found its way here by way of Linda over at Danvillegirl Sewing Diary: