Category: Home

  • The Common Blue-Banded Booby

    I believe this was the first time in many years that I did not post on Independence Day. I spent much of the day outside. It was a privilege and a joy, even though I did not spend my time at any Independence Day celebrations.  This has not always been the case.  In the past few years I have gone to cookouts,  spent the day boating with friends,  watched the Farragut Independence Day parade, gone downtown for the festivities there, watched fireworks, heard the symphony. 

     

    This year I celebrated my independence of choice.  I celebrated the privilege to work, to work at projects of my choosing.  In fact, the idea of privilege itself was a constant in my thoughts, and will perhaps be overused in this post. I thought about those who came to this country, many fleeing oppression of many kinds, seeking the freedom to choose their own lives, their own paths, their own work, their own religion.  This is actually what our Declaration of Independence celebrates, the legacy of choice, the legacy of hard-working souls who insisted on their right to choose their own path.

    Painting1

    Actually I wasn't doing anything so lofty.  I worked in the yard, despite the fact that it was obnoxiously hot.  I did some gardening early, mostly weeding, and then moved on to other projects.  Yesterday felt like the first day of summer to me, although it wasn't really, but it felt like a day set aside, a day with no obligations, no interruptions, a day to do as I pleased.  And I was pleased to wash and paint outdoor furniture.

     

    This was not the first time I painted the Panton chairs.  I refreshed the yellow chairs a few years ago. Apparently the colored chairs wee not meant to hold up outside, although they held up beautifully for years in Hyde Park.  In Knoxville, after one year, they were pale faded versions of themselves.  I don't know if it is the stronger sun, the longer humid season with its greater mold-producing tendencies, the pollen, or what.  I spray painted them my second summer in Knoxville, and kept them in a protected spot afterward.  But they went back outside here, at the new house, and were worse for it. They are not good outdoor chairs for Knoxville, and will not remain outdoors for any length of time in the future. But first they needed refurbishing.

     

    I chose a color called lagoon.  Four chairs were painted.  There are no flat surfaces on a Panton chair, which means that it takes multiple steps to paint them, and it took much of the day, although there were periods of painting, and periods of waiting.  I had lofty ambitions of cleaning the garage during the waiting periods, but it soon grew too steamy.  I needed to run a couple of errands, and while I was out I decided to paint a table as well, a fairly modern black steel table that was looking worse for wear and was destined for the donation pile. I spent the remainder of the day washing and painting outdoor furniture, working in the garden and garage, and coming inside to work when I would get overheated, which was frequently during the middle of the afternoon.  

     

    As the afternoon waned, and I was out until nearly 9 before everything was finished, I would listen to various bursts of fireworks around me.  I've not lived anywhere where so many fireworks went off, not at least in my adult life, although I remember going out to the lake or the countryside to set off fireworks with my parents when I was a child.  I don't recall setting off fireworks at home, but I don't know if fireworks were allowed in city limits or not.   In Hyde Park we could occasionally sit on our deck and watch the display from a nearby town, but often we went down to Poughkeepsie to see the fireworks display first-hand.  Although I love professional fireworks displays, I have no interest in setting them off myself.  In fact I love parades and fireworks, but somehow this year did not feel like going by myself, despite the fact that I knew I would see people I knew.  I always see people I know.  Not family however, I am the only one among my remaining local family who enjoy an occasional  pyrotechnic display. 

     

    This year my intent had been to work and then go downtown, but I quickly realized that to leave would mean the work would be unfinished, and I chose to finish.  I was content with my choice,  reminded to once again to thank my own privilege, the privilege to choose to work, but also the privilege of keeping a cool house, the privilege to go inside whenever I felt overheated.  These are luxuries not to be taken lightly.  As I put the last piece of furniture in place, I saw the flash of some neighborhood fireworks through the trees, and I thought about what a happy fourth it had been.  But I also thought about fireworks and parades and barbecues, and the many ways we celebrate the fourth of July, and that the very ability to do these things is a privilege, a privilege earned for us by our forebears, who were all immigrants to this place.

    Painting3

    I am happy with the results of my labors.  Two chairs remain outside, for now, but I will keep them here only a few days.  The chairs will move with me to my apartment during construction.  I'm not sure about the blue table yet.  It is an inexpensive thing, the finish is peeling and flaking off the bottom, but it can go in the garage during construction, delaying the decision until next spring.

    Painting2

    The table turned out well and I am newly entranced.  It seems I am always drawn to color.    I still don't know where it will go once the new deck is finished, as I want a larger table, but I love this light green.  The pale blue chairs are not mine, we gave them to my step-daughter's family when we moved here, six years ago. It is hard to believe it has been so long. But they do look pretty with the table.

    Table

    The other two Panton chairs are inside, in the morning room, with the twin to the now-green table.  I did not paint this one as it always has a cloth.  This table, and all four chairs will move to my apartment, as the dining space is not large enough for my dining table, even without the leaves. Looking at this photo, I see that the curtain needs to come down now, at least if I am going to leave the table in the corner, even temporarily.   The curtains will come down anyway as I will be moving in less than a month. 

     

    But what about the "blue-banded booby"?  I am the booby.  Well, I actually believe we are all boobys at times, and in this instance I am not referring to the bird, but the other meaning of the word, although I am saying it with love and humor.  Actually bobby's were so named because the sailors who named thought they were stupid.  They weren't of course, perhaps unexperienced with humans, but they learned.  I think that is something to remember, that we often make judgements based on incomplete information, that one seems stupid in one context may, in fact, not be stupid at all in another, and that we all, at some point make mistakes.  Mistakes are actually what makes us human.  Mistakes are probably the secret of our success, and the source of our greatest discoveries.  We are all boobies and  we should not take ourselves too seriously.  It seems that much of the wisdom of age seems to revolve around holding things lightly, even mistakes.  

    Bluebanded

    I am the blue-banded booby.  It was a very calm day, but at one point in the evening a breeze came up, and a few specks of dust got stuck in my wet paint.  I can live with that.  But I apparently did not realize that I was, at one point, downwind of the spray paint.  It was late; I was tired; mistakes happen.   Unfortunately, by the time I realized what had happened, the paint was sufficiently dry that it did not come off easily.  I shall consider it a badge of honor, honoring my humanity, and a birthday gift to myself, although only a temporary one.  Within a few days all remnants of blue shall be gone and only the memory will remain — memory and perhaps a gentle smile.

  • Let the rain wash me clean

    Last night I ate an early dinner at my desk, pardon the less than glamorous photo.

    Soup

    I had a few leftover bits that were combined to make enough soup for two. I had two cups of vegetarian vegetable stock left over from a soup I took to a family from my church, a couple of cups of shredded cabbage, a bit of onion, the last of a batch of carnitas.  Combined they yielded something greater than the sum of its parts, and I was amazed at how the rich sweetness of the vegetable stock enhanced the cabbage and pork, adding a dimension that I would not have achieved with my normal default of either chicken stock, or what I call Stage 3 (chicken, beef, pork).   I had enough soup for dinner, and again for lunch today.

     

    As I sit at my desk this afternoon, watching the rain through the window, thinking about the upcoming renovation project, thinking about sorting and storage and decisions about temporary housing and what will go where, my thoughts skitter about.  Last night, as I sat at this same desk, I was thinking I did not want to go out in the rain, even though I had been looking forward to the Pride Mass that was being held at Messiah Lutheran Church.  The rain slowed.  I did go out.  The issue was never really about the rain.

     

    Once upon a time I would have scoffed at people who did not go out in the rain, and yet there I was.  Admittedly my reluctance was more about walking from my house to my garage than it was to driving in the rain, or even about walking from the car into church building.  What was with that?  I wasn't worried about being in the rain.  Perhaps I just wanted to stay safe in my little cocoon.  Perhaps that is what this is all about.  I've lived here a year, the detached garage has not really been a problem. Perhaps I am just pulling inward a little, holding back,  tentatively slipping a new period of liminality, but I'm not sure even of that.

     

    You know what?  It is ok to be uncertain.  Certainty is highly overrated.  I suspect it only leads to trouble.

     

    So, when I bought this house I knew it would need some renovations.  In my head, I had a three-stage plan.  Stage 1 included the laundry room in the basement and was completed before I moved it.  Then, not at all surprisingly, things proved to be not as simple as hoped and my plans got turned upside down.  At one point I grew frustrated with architects and decided I would do nothing.  I'd buy a new stove and a refrigerator, I'd buy a small rancher somewhere nearby, and I would separate my living space and my working space, my house and my studio.  It would cost less, be less of a headache, and I could just move on with life.

     

    Somehow, it didn't turn out that way.  Once I freed myself from expectation, I was free to insist on vision.  I was ready to dream again, knowing full well I could back out at any moment, and I was ready to move ahead on my own terms.  But two stages got merged into one.  We were going to bump out the kitchen, redo the bathrooms, get a master closet, and rebuild the garage with a studio above it and a lovely connector from the main house to the new garage/studio. I loved the plan, loved the vision, it was everything I wanted.   Until it came time to make it a reality.  

      Screenshot 2018-06-27 14.49.30

    What actually happened is that I realized it was too ambitious a project for me, for me alone.  Oh I know I'm not the architect or the builder, but I still have to imagine the space, to live in the space and I am a person who can only focus on so much at a time.  Houses, spaces, these are like relationships to me, they need to grow slowly, to evolve, as I and the relationships of my life evolve.  I am not a person who can "do" a house or even a room.  Heck, I can't even buy, or make, or plan on more than about 3 items of clothing at a time.  I don't know if it is that my imagination is not broad enough, or that I focus too closely on each bit, that I need to absorb it into my life before I can open up to something else.  I know, and it has taken me a lifetime to learn this, that if I do too much, I make mistakes.  I realized that although I loved the plan in the abstract, my mind had hit a wall.  I could only image the new house up to one point, and the garage studio and the connector were beyond my ken.  I felt like I was putting the cart before the horse.  

      Smaller

    It is still a big job.  But I will have the kitchen I want.  The house will be as beautiful as I imagined it, although perhaps not exactly as I originally imagined it.  That is good.  Life evolves.  The garage remains a separate entity.  Now that I have accepted that. I am perfectly happy going out in the rain or the snow.  And I can still have a stage 3 someday; I probably will have a stage 3 someday, when I am ready.  Now I am actually looking forward to that potential of another stage, another project, another upset.  But at least I won't have to move out for that stage.

     

    No I don't really like change.  No I don't really want to move yet again.  But if I don't go, if I don't take the chance, those dreams will die, and what is the point of that?  If I am afraid to follow my dreams, then I am afraid to honor myself.  How can I live that way? And if I can't love my own dreams and fight for them, how can I love others and fight for them.  Perhaps I'm ready to slip into that doorway after all.

     

    Don't ask me how this all fits together, that is way beyond my ken.

      PrideMass

    Yes, I went to the Pride Mass. It was beautiful and filled with warmth and love.  If we can't love where are we?  And that made me think that love and change go hand in hand.  It made me think about how love fights to banish fear.  I heard it last night —  God did not give us fear.  God gave us love.  – And I know that certainty, that holding on to something because it is familiar,  is simply fear in disguise. As Frank Herbert wrote in Dune "Fear is the mind-killer".  I wish that the rain could wash away all our fears. 

     

    So let the thunder roll.  Let the rain fall and the bare ground go to mud.  And lthen let the new seeds sprout and the world become new. 

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • Scattershot

    Pink daylilly

    I accidentally took a blog break without intending to do so.  I thought I had something to write about, but then I didn't write.  I thought I had a cold, but it ends up it was just the over-blown residual of a massive sinus infection.  That is on the mend now.

     

    The truth is that I've struggled, bouncing back and forth between having things I want to say and then finding myself unable to say anything.  When I am overwhelmed and busy I feel like I have a lot to say, and then when things grow quiet again, my thoughts also start to creak along and I bore even myself. At such times I can't bear to even put up another version of the same old garden photos that you've probably already seen a dozen times before.

     

    This summer is going to be hectic, at least for the next six to eight weeks, and I may be frazzled at times.  I thought of taking a hiatus from the blog for that period, but am not convinced that doing so sounds like a good idea.  Instead I am simply releasing myself from the self-imposed obligation to blog, or maybe I'm releasing myself from the obligation to be anything.  I'lll just throw what ever I feel like out here and I'll see what happens.  I feel like my life is coming together in some new way, and yet I also at times feel directionless, as if I am sloughing off a bunch of old skin and I'm not yet sure what the new skin will look like.  In that sense, I guess I am giving myself permission to be absent when I need to be absent, present when I need to be present, and to embrace mess.

     

    I can reevaluate in late August or early September and see where I am, although I can't really imagine giving up this blog altogether.  I've been blogging for thirteen years, and the format and this public/semi-public/journal format adds something to my life that I am not sure I want to relinquish, but I also think I'm probably overdue for a rethink. 

    GuestBath

    In the meantime, numerous projects gather steam.  I picked the tiles for the guest bathroom, although I don't yet know when we are starting or what exactly happens next.  I know something will happen. That is probably enough.  Thank you for your patience.

     

  • King Of All He Surveys

    Moises is two for two this week.

    Deer2

    First he chased the big mean deer out of the yard:

    I saw the two young deer in my yard early Sunday morning.  Apologies to those of you who saw the photo on Instagram.  I watched them a few moments and, as the front deer wandered a little too far forward for me to capture with my camera, I saw him freeze in a position of guarded wariness.  It took me a moment to find the cause of his distress, but then I saw Moises, crouched in stalking position probably about 15 feet ahead of the deer.

     

    I watched a moment and returned to my desk and my journaling only to notice a few minutes later, about 6 minutes, when I consulted my watch that although one young deer had happily retreated to the back of the lawn to munch on some tender leaves, the first deer was still standing, frozen, in more of less the same position.  I rose to watch.  The deer would throw his ears back, stamp his feet, and then freeze again, alert and nervous.  Moises had crept a bit forward but was still out of range of stamping feet.  At the stamping he would freeze, then arch his back, then slink down into hunt position, occasionally slinking forward, on the alert, on the prowl.  This continued for several more minutes, I reckon about 10 overall.  I was surprised it went on so long, but Moises has always been the most focused cat I have ever owned, at least when it comes to the hunt.

     

    Eventually the other deer, the one happily enjoying a bit of breakfast, became startled and went crashing through the woods, distracting Moises' opponent, who leapt in the air and followed his companion down the hill.  Moises relaxed, rose, and sauntered, cockily, back to the front of the house.

     

    Second:

    On Monday Moises had another small adventure.  He was sunning himself on the front step in the mid afternoon heat, when he saw a couple of young political campaign volunteers canvasing the neighborhood.  Seeing the enemy advancing on the front line, Moises assumed a stealth position beneath a hydrangea outside the font door.  The young man came up the steps and knocked on the door.  Moises, probably seeing me come down the stairs, came up behind the planter on the porch and leapt up into the fern, in what is usually his entrance position, thereby startling the young man.  As I opened the door, the young man was fleeing down the steps.    Seeing that the gray blur that rustled the plants was merely a cat, we had a good laugh and he continued on his way.  The enemy having been vanquished, Moises calmly reclaimed his position in the sun — the master surveying his kingdom.

     

  • Saturday afternoon

    Everything is dry and I am putting the house back to rights today.  The shelf on the basement may still get wet or damp, at least until the gutter people get back here to fix the issue, but I am not worried.  I am extremely fortunate.  There was little actual damage, mostly just annoyance, and I can accept that other jobs have higher priority.

    Lil bang

    Of course, being me, I cannot simply put everything back where it belongs without also taking the opportunity to sort through things, eliminating the unnecessary,  and perhaps noting any lacks that need to be filled.  Winnowing, curating, refining, organizing — these seem to be lifelong habits.  I suspect the job will take me the bulk of the weekend.

     

    The yard also needs some curating and eliminating of weeds, but my patience with internal chaos has reached the tipping point, and the flowers are enough to distract me in the yard.   For now.

     

    Have a lovely weekend, and whatever you are doing, please take time to enjoy any small outcroppings of beauty as you find them.

     

     

  • Self Sufficiency

    There are days when being an independent self-sufficient adult is really annoying, days when you just want to roll over and say "Go away world." 

    Mostarda1    (dried fruit for mostarda)

    Monday was one of those days although the weekend had started off really well.

     

    I had decided to do some cooking, and although I often make simple meals for myself during the week, I find cooking for one to be far more tedious than I found cooking for two.  I love it when I have an excuse to spend a day or two in the kitchen, and this weekend was one such occasion.  I needed to make vegetarian chili (yay! feeding people!) , and since I was in the kitchen anyway, I decided to work on several things: a few pantry staples and a few more time-consuming things for myself.  

     

    Friday and Saturday were shopping days.  Saturday morning is farmer's market time anyway, and what I see in the stands tends to inspire and inform a lot of what happens in the kitchen.  Saturday night, inspired to clean out the freezer,  I started a batch of chicken stock in the slow cooker and shredded up some leftover cooked chicken to make a Burmese dish, Kyethar Ngayakethee Kyaw, or shredded crispy chicken.

    Chili paste     chili paste, frozen in 2 tablespoon portions

     

    I had several projects in mind for Sunday: I toasted whole chiles, simmered them briefly, and left them to soak while I went to church.  When I returned home I made chili paste, reserving some for the vegetarian chili and freezing the remainder in 2 tablespoon portions.  Then I started on a Mostarda.  I had a pile of dried fruit left over from earlier in the month, so I cut that up and simmered it in sweet vermouth, which may not be traditional but was already in the pantry, while I cut up the fresh fruit.  After that was out of the way, I started the vegetarian chili, and once everything was in the pot, I boned out a lovely pork shoulder I had found at the farmer's market, salting the meat and putting it in the refrigerator overnight, with the intention of making carnitas on Monday.

     

    Monday's plan was to deliver the chili (I had my share for breakfast with an egg), make the carnitas, make a simple ground beef chili, for those days I was too rushed or tired to cook, and to make a chilled cucumber soup.  Hopefully I would also take a bicycle ride.

     

    But then everything fell apart.

     

    It poured Sunday night.  I didn't think much about it except that Tikka refused to go outside.  I continued working in the kitchen, finding the sound of the rain outside the windows soothing somehow.  It proved to be a false sense of peace.  I strained the chicken stock and put it in the refrigerator so I could let it sit overnight before removing the fat and packaging it for the freezer, then I went upstairs, thinking I had time to read before bed.  I saw a puddle in the doorway to the bedroom, and initially I was annoyed with Tikka, who had refused to go out in the rain. I quickly realized that the puddle extended around half of my bedroom and was far too big for Tikka to have made it.  I ran downstairs to the laundry room for extra towels.  While I was downstairs I looked in the unfinished half of the basement, where a flooding problem arose over the winter, and which the contractor has not yet come back to fix. Admittedly this is at least partially because we were unsure of the cause, and since there has been little rain, I have had no reason to push.  That scenario has now changed.

     

    I had more water in the basement than I have had before, although the there was very little water in the laundry room itself.  At least one leak had been fixed.  Back upstairs.  After soaking 10 towels and hauling them back down to the laundry, I noticed that there was water at the bedroom windowsill, but it didn't look soaked.  My bedroom floor was soaked however, including the carpet and the pad.  I hauled a drying rack upstairs to get the curtains off the floor so they could dry, and went back downstairs, where I saw that I also had a flood in the dining room.  Luckily there is no carpet there yet, and the floor is polyurethaned.  I took towels from the dryer, mopping up that water, put the second load of towels in the dryer, and the third load in the wash. Then I looked around at the basement walls. 

     

    The basement is below grade and I noticed that in both rooms, the finished laundry rooms and the unfinished area, the water was not coming in at the windows.  They were perfectly dry.  It seemed like it was seeping through the cinder block.  I had an awful lot of water, but it was contained on a painted cinder block shelf that circumnavigates the perimeter.  There was nothing more that could be done right then and I was about to collapse with exhaustion, so I went to bed.  It was 2 AM.

     

    Monday morning I awoke at my normal time, still exhausted, and would have much rather stayed in bed, but I couldn't.  I realized that although I had mopped up as much water as I could the night before, the floors still felt wet, and the carpet was sodden around the fringes of nearly half the room.  It is my house, my choice, and there is no one to fix things except me.

     

    The upstairs floors have not yet been refinished, and the old wood felt like it had just absorbed some of the water.   I packed up my sewing project so I could use the cutting table for clothes storage, emptied my dresser, stacking everything on the cuttiing table, and tried to move the dresser out of the corner.  It is an incredibly heavy piece, but it was holding the carpet down and the area all around it was heavy with water.  I was struggling to get enough purchase to get sliding disks under the legs so I could move it, but it was too close to the corner, the carpet was thick and swollen, and I didn't seem to have the strength.  Just as I was about to give up, just as I called a friend to come help me move the dresser, I figured out how to do it, and I got the dresser across the room.  I was inordinately proud of myself.  It didn't look like there was any water on the bottom of the dresser itself, or underneath it, the water had just spread through the rug with capillary action. I hadn't thought of it previously, but of course a wool rug will hold a tremendous amount of water.

     

    After turning back all the carpets, I went to Target to buy oscillating fans.  And then the next stage of my adventure occurred.  I was on the road, heading home, when I heard "thwack, thwack, crash, bang, rumble bumble, thud thud and my windshield wiper went flying across the road and hit a car going the opposite direction.  Bye-bye windshield wiper.  It was raining again, and of course, the flying wiper was from the driver's side of the car.  

    Tikka

    I assembled three fans and set them up in the bedroom to help dry out the carpet and floor.  I also turned the A/C down to 65 upstairs, mostly because I thought the extra air flow could help, and because I wanted to discourage any mold or mildew growth.  Tikka seems to think I've made this special place just for her.  You can't tell in the picture above, but she is in the sweet spot between two oscillating fans. She looks like she is in pomsky heaven, in  a cold room with cold air blowing on her.  

     

    Then I went downstairs to start moving stuff and mopping up water from the basement.  Or at least that was my intention.  When I got to the dryer I saw a snake in the corner.  Not a big snake, just a rat snake, but not a tiny snake either, about 1 1/2 times the length of my foot.  My foot is 10 inches long, in shoes.  Back upstairs, out to the garage for a hoe and perhaps a pitchfork.  I didn't want to hurt the snake, but I did want to get him out of the corner and out of the house, and I didn't want to be all that friendly.    I'm really not frightened of snakes, but still, sometimes I do have to battle my own princess instincts.  Perhaps I was just really tired.  None of this is tragic stuff, just annoying. Seeing no prince on the horizon, I coaxed the snake onto my fork and happily settled him outside.

    Daylily

         A daylily that decided to bloom on Monday.  I don't remember its name.

     

    By that time the rain appeared to have stopped and I needed to deliver the chili.  While I drove it started to drizzle again, but luckily my drive was short, only 3 miles or so.  I had to stop every couple of blocks  to get out and wipe my windshield so I could see, but the rain finally did stop on my way back home, at least temporarily.  I am now carless, at least as long as it rains, at least until I can safely get to a shop and get a new windshield wiper.  

     

    I tried to take a nap, but couldn't settle down. It made more sense to do something, so I packaged chicken stock and took it to the freezer, then drained the liquid from the fruit, boiled it down to a syrup and returned it to the bowl to macerate for another  24 hours.  I went upstairs, but couldn't read.  I puttered at my desk, and as I looked up and out, through the condensation filled panes (remember the upstairs is cold) I was somehow captured by the magic of that contrast.  The silvery panes of condensation looked like little doorways, some promised reward hidden behind each one.  I noticed in the perimeters that the rain had stopped and the sky was beginning to clear.  I realized that this is just a hiccup.

     

    I think I know what the problem was.  It was just a conflagration of events.  We had over 2 inches of rain in a couple of hours, at least according to my trusty 5-inch rain gauge. I think the gutter on that side of the house was overwhelmed.  There is obviously a drainage issue, and it may well be underground. I do have the gutters cleaned regularly, but there is a problem in that area of the yard, probably with the buried portion of the drainpipe.  The basement walls in that area were wet.  Everything that touched them was wet. The rooms are all stacked in a line above that area of wet walls and sodden soil, of a drain pipe that perhaps doesn't drain properly and may well back up. I don't know if something went wrong the last time the gutters were cleaned and cleared, or if there was something happening that just finally gave way recently.  I suspect the latter, I suspect there was an issue there before I bought the house, but it was more minor.  It is no longer minor.  And yet understanding a problem, even just the beginnings of understanding, as I may be wrong, offers hope.  With hope comes determination, and with determination a renewal of resolve and energy.

    Window

    Refreshed and energized, I started cooking the carnitas.  I hauled stuff around the basement yet again.  I sopped up water and washed towels and sopped up more water.  I assembled the last fan and started it running in the basement.  I didn't put away my clean clothes.  I have no place to put them. I am tired of stuff piled up everywhere.  I want to put stuff away and have it stay there.  I want everything to work the way I want it to work.  But don't we all?  

     

    This too will pass. Such a cliché, such yet such truth.  Would life be happier and more rewarding if nothing ever went wrong?  Well, I'd certainly like to imagine it, but I suspect not.  I'd grow bored, complacent even; unhappiness would creep in anyway.  Happiness grows out of meaningful work, out of connection to others and to the physicalness of life itself. What if life is really like those little fogged-over panes of glass?  What if what we think is reality is really just obscured, a story we tell ourselves in order to survive, and the truth is around the edges, mostly unnoticed.  What if we only see when we are outside of ourselves, outside of our routines, outside of our perfect little rituals and habits?

     

    I would, however, like to sleep tomorrow. 

     

     

  • Random Post on Thursday Morning

    I started writing a blog post last night but I was tired and I tore it up.  I decided to knit instead.  Now that was a far more calming use of my time even though I am still knitting the same red sweater.  I am past the half-way point on the front, moving up the sides, and almost done with the sequined yarn.  Before long I'll start the neckline shaping. I stopped knitting for a while, but now I'm back.  Sometimes lately however, I am already too tired before I begin, and I end up unknitting as much as I knit.  Somehow I find even that to be soothing, a way to let my mind purl with the stitches, putting the day to rest. 

    Red

    That reminds me that yesterday started and ended in the sewing room. I wanted to wear a skort I had purchased in Florida two summers ago.  I wore it heavily that first summer, and not at all last year because it needed mending and some minor alterations.  I failed to get the sewing room unpacked so the skort sat, unworn, until now.  The inner portion was partially disassembled, so I traced it off before reassembly.  I wanted to trace the entire skort so that I can make a pattern and reproduce it, but I could't find my tracing wheels and the day was moving on.  Instead I dressed and took Tikka for a walk.

     

    That makes the second garment I've worked on in the new sewing room.  It took me a year, which is pretty bad, considering I will probably have to pack back up soon enough while we go through the remodel phase.  I am not however, going to stop sewing, stop making, and this time I have a plan for how I can continue working, whatever else is going on.  I've done enough of putting my heart aside.  No more of that.

      Peonies and roses

    But all I've done so far is mending, although I have pulled fabrics and patterns. The first thing I worked on were my favorite black shorts.  They needed taking in, in fact this is the second time I have taken them in and I still love them, even after 5 years and two major alterations.  I suppose when they finally fail, which may well be at the end of this season, they too will have to become a pattern.  But working on them was difficult.  Black thread on black fabric in a room with no light is not how I define fun. I have not yet unpacked my task light that I used in the old sewing room, where the light was also very good.  

     

    Are you seeing a theme here? Things unfound?  The lamp was not in any of the boxes labeled "sewing room", all of which have been unpacked.  That meant it had to be in one of the boxes still in the basement, the boxes labeled quilting, needlework, or dying.  Perhaps my tracing wheels could be located down there as well. But initially , at least before the skort, I wasn't eager to go down to the basement and haul those boxes out.  Instead I went to Target and bought two small, inexpensive task lamps, six-month lamps, lamps I will be happy to use until the new sewing room is done, hopefully in early 2019, and then, if I no longer need them, will be happy to set free. Those lamps made using the sewing machine and the serger possible, navy on navy this time, for a navy skort.

    Through the Window
     Then the day got in the way.  Tikka and I walked.  I rode my bike. Sheets went in the wash while I went out in the garden to plant small dwarf sedums and Meditteranean iris, iris ungularis, in the sunny rock garden near the roses.  After working in the heat and the sun, I went down into the laundry room and chilled, ironing sheets and drinking coffee.  The laundry room stays about 62 – 64 year round, and I keep a sweater by the door, but yesterday, hot from the sun, the chill felt wonderfully refreshing.   I looked at the last two winter sweaters drying on a rack, ready to be stored until next year, thinking about the large alpaca blanket I need to disassemble, wash, repair, and reassemble in a slightly new form, thinking about how much I love that space and how I should really hang photos on the wall, make the space more cozy.  

     

    Just as I finished the sheets,  Varmint Busters showed up to take a look at the bat problem in the attic.  Apparently not much can be done abut the bats until they leave for the season, meaning the end of November or early December.  The previous owners had apparently tried to fix the bat problem before they put the house on the market, but rather than putting up the kind of screening and one-way gate system that prevents the bats from reentering, they have some other kind of ad-hoc screening system, which gives the bats a way in and a protected space in which to stay should they so desire.  Apparently it also allows squirrels in, and the squirrels have already chewed through the screening, which I suppose the means I have had squirrels in the attic as well.  Trying to get the bats out now will be a major headache, if it is even possible, and it probably isn't. In December the whole mess will have to be torn out and done properly.  Oh well.  Welcome to my old house.

    Planted
     

    Lunch, more work in the yard, some time spent starting to clean and clean-out the garage, errands, another walk with Tikka, dinner.  So goes a day.  

     

    I decided that I would try to find the tracing wheels and the lamp, so I hauled the three large boxes out of the basement storage area and into the laundry room.   Needless to say I found my lamp, in a box labeled "dye stuff — store".  That was a mistake.  I also found the tracing wheel and a stash of other miscellaneous tools, some of which will prove to be useful.  I found a bolt of muslin, a plus for summer sewing plans. I also left a pile of stuff on the laundry room floor, stuff I have to go back and sort through and put away.  

     

    It is time to finish sorting and unpacking anyway.  I've been here too long, I hate the weight of things undone, things pulling me backwards, boxes of things that are never opened.  Some things are waiting for the remodel, such as books waiting for library shelves, but generally I want it all unpacked and sorted, which is strange because in a couple of months I'll be embarking on the remodel and things will get packed up again.  But I am different than when I moved here.  Decisions I could not make a year ago come more easily now.  I no longer want to drag the past along with wherever I go.

    Tracing

    I went back upstairs and traced my skirt.  I didn't take the tracing and make the actual pattern pieces.  I was already too tired for that.  As I mentioned above I tried writing a blog post, but I was too tired for that as well.  Instead I knit 8 rows in my red sweater and went to bed.  All in all a successful day.  Today there is more planting to be done, and I have to water all the new plantings, take a walk, and deal with the chaos in the laundry room.  It is enough.

  • On frivolous novels and an overdose of pink

    51JSbxLt8ILTwo week ago, or nearly two weeks ago, I picked up a book.  I was at the Salt Spa and I had brought something with me to read, but I didn't feel like reading it.  This book was on the shelf, so I picked it up.  It was pure, unadulterated mindless entertainment, really perfect for a period where I was supposed to be resting and breathing.  At the end of my session, about an hour later, I was half-way through the novel and I took it home with me, not because I planned to finish it at home, but because I wanted to be certain it would be there at my next appointment.

     

    That was the day I realized I was retired.  That day I realized I could sit in a sunny chair and read a frivolous book if I wanted, that my time was mine to fritter away as I pleased without repercussion.  When I hit a slump, rather than turning on the TV or turning to the internet, I picked up my book and finished it that afternoon.  There was no blood and guts, just a well-told story, with characters broadly drawn but engaging so that the reader could fill them out in their own imagination (as is the point in popular fiction).  In short, I enjoyed my brief foray.

     

    Over the following week I read two more books in the series, one when my back was sore, another when I found myself unable to focus on knitting while watching TV and therefore growing restless.  Like eating a bowl of ice cream, or sorbet in my case, these novels have proved to be enjoyable little pleasures, not necessarily memorable, but no less enjoyed for their lack of nutritional value. 

     

    I have the fourth book in the series, but haven't started it yet.  The days since my return from Texas have been full, and full of fun as well as the requisite chores of life.  A friend and I went to the opening of the Knoxville Symphony Leagues annual decorator's show house, and I perhaps liked this year's foray more than usual.  I think this was due to the format more than anything else.  This year the "show-house" was actually three residences in a new luxury residence tower downtown, and each of the two-bedroom residences had a unified point of view and style, as well as spectacular views of the city, and I appreciated that sense of consistency.

    New Plants

    Friday I went to Sunlight Gardens up in Andersonville, ostensibly to pick up some Iris cristata Tennessee White,  a form of Iris I had been seeking for some time.  Of course I bought other plants as well, perhaps a few too many.  It is hard to resist plants, almost as hard as it is to resist books.  And I am only now noticing, as I add photos to this post, how much pink there is in my garden, not that I have anything against pink.

    Tablecloth

    I did not plant yesterday as it was raining and a bit on the chill side.  Instead I tossed a new cloth over the table and played with china and place settings.  This Indian mandala print came home with me Friday as well.  Actually I was initially wondering if I could make a dress out of it but quickly realized it was large enough to be used as a bedspread or a tablecloth, and perhaps better suited for either.  It came home with me because I love it, even though I wasn't 100% certain it would work in my blue dining room, with the blues and greens of my china, and because I knew it would find its place. Of course I shouldn't have worried.  Already it has brought me hours of joy, playing with color and pattern and texture on a rainy Saturday.

    Pink2

    I spent part of the afternoon, after putting everything away and between other chores, yes they do interfere at times, reading in the sun room.  It wasn't sunny, but the beautiful pink azaleas outside my window seemed to glow in the soft gray light.  I didn't remember them from last spring, but then I was still in my old house, packing and moving when they would have bloomed.  

     

    My current book is Neil deGrasse Tyson's Astrophysics for People in a Hurry. It too  is fun, although it requires more thought and attention than Mary Higgins Clark's mysteries..  Even though Tyson is writing about the world beyond my small corner of the earth, he reminds me that these azaleas and I share a certain commonality in the very basis of our existence, and, paraphrasing some theology read and discussed earlier in the spring, we are all just combinations of little bubbles that come together and drift apart, smashing into each other, perhaps joining together,  perhaps bursting apart and making something new, but still connected, all of a piece.

  • Not So Quiet Saturday

    I was not planning on writing a blog post this morning.  At 8:30 I was still in my pajamas, although my morning housekeeping chores had been completed and I was ready to settle down with my journal and a pot of coffee.  I thought, perhaps erroneously, that I had all the time in the world, despite a sore back, despite the fact that I still have to run to the store for a critical ingredient for a dish I promised to take to a party tonight.  

    TreeDown1

    Instead, just as I sat, my sore back finally comfortable, hoping for a bit of a respite, I heard loud trucks. "I thought that can't be happening here".  But it was.  The trees I thought were coming down on Monday came down this morning.   As I sat here, watching men tossing ropes over the tree not 10 feet outside this window, I wondered if I should move.  But before I even gathered my notebook and my coffee the tree was down,

     

    I watched them pull the River Birch down, and now several trees lie across my driveway.  No going to the store for a while, but they are so efficient I will probably get there.  Of course if I had known this was going to happen at 8:30 on a Saturday, I would have warned my neighbors, whereas I would not have worried about it on a weekday.  Too late now.  We will all just have to settle in to the sound of chippers and saws.  And Tikka barking hysterically,  She doesn't know what to make of all of it.

    Amaryllis

    In other small bits of news, the Amaryllis is in full bloom.  Moises broke the main flower stalk, unintentionally I am sure, he had never seen an amaryllis before, but I managed to prop it up against the window sill, and all the flowers have opened.

     

    Well, at least I won't have the tree people here on Monday at the same time as the people fixing the leak in my basement.  Which reminds me I still have more heavy cleanup to do.  But first a short break.

     

    Happy Saturday.  I hope yours is quieter than mine. 

     

     

     

  • Brief Update

    I stayed up late knitting, and I finished the back of the red sweater.  You can see it below, not quite finished, but close enough that you get the sense of the thing, and why it was difficult to photograph in process. I will block it today, a quality control check, to be certain that I maintained gauge, that my calculations were correct, as I rewrote the pattern somewhat.  Better to know now, before proceeding.  I have not been as consistent in my knitting as I had hoped, but even so, it is a good start.  When I am knitting I want to do nothing but knit.  When I am working on something else, my focus shifts, which is, as I suppose how it should be, living in and enjoying each moment and each task.

    Red

    It was cold in the house this morning.  The weather has been warm, unseasonably warm, and I had turned off the heat.  Luckily I hadn't yet put away the alpaca blanket I knitted some years ago, although I had, in fact considered it.  The blanket needs to be disassembled, washed, and repaired.  But it was still at the foot of the bed, just in case.

     

    So I Screenshot 2018-02-27 07.07.26S was snug and warm, surrounded in delicious softness and I was reluctant to venture out.  The house was cold.  When I finally pulled myself upright I learned that it was 59º in the house.  I turned up the heat, let Tikka and Moisés out for their morning romp, and made a pot of coffee, my first pot of coffee with my new coffee grinder.  The old grinder died over the weekend, accompanied by screeching noises and billowing smoke, and the new grinder arrived yesterday.  

     

    As I write these few words, I am drinking a cup of wonderful coffee, far better coffee than I made with my old grinder.  It warms my hands, and frankly discourages me from being eager to run out to my morning meeting at Panera, not because I am not eager to see a friend, but because I am not eager to give up my superior coffee.  Friends trump coffee however, and off I shall go.

     

    When I return the house will be warmer; but for now I am enjoying that sense of warm air drifting through the rooms, the deliciousness of warm air meeting cold, a feeling akin to holding a cup of warm coffee in cold hands, except felt with the entire body.  There is nothing quite like it, and it is good to be reminded of the blessing of warmth, the luxury of my life,  When the house is always the same temperature I can forget what a joy shelter and warmth and yes, good coffee, truly is. I feel the warm air meeting the cold, I see the sunlight creeping across the branches outside my window, the glistening of the dew on the twigs, the rise of steam from my furnace, the whisps of fog. And I know how luckily I am and how perfect small moments can be.