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Down and Up and Down and Up and Down and Up Again

This is the first day since I've been in the new house that I have accomplished absolutely nothing. Not.A.Single.Thing. Frankly, I am not expecting a big turnaround in productivity now either, although I am going to get this post written. I'm not expecting much.

I had big plans this morning, and then things just went a little haywire. And then we took a walk, G, his aide and I to the end of the street, and I continued on to make a loop about half-way out of my neighborhood and back, about 1 mile total. Not a level mile mind you, it is all up and down my neighborhood, from the top of my hill to the next and so forth. Most of my neighbors tell me they won't do it. They drive two miles to a nice level walking trail. But I did it for the first time this morning. And I just did it again this afternoon.

I feel good but tired. And old. I've been feeling old a lot lately and today in particular. It probably has a lot to do with a month of persistent back pain and the things you don't see in the dead frontal views I am likely to post on this blog when I post photos. The fact is that I pretty much always stand tilted forward now, and have for a few years probably, but it didn't used to be the case. And this affects so many things both physical and mental. It causes stresses on muscles and joints, my knees and my hips, and yes is the primary cause of my back pain. It also strains my view of myself because there are days when not only am I in physical pain, but I also feel old and deformed. It is not pretty. And it is these days that I need to pay even more attention to getting my hair right, to finding an outfit that I feel attractive in, regardless of whether it truly improves anything or not, when I need to spend time fretting over the things I can control in life, like eating well and yes, trying to get some exercise as soon as I can manage it. But those two walks may have taken everything out of me today, that and the thought that G has been particularly restless and I am not looking forward to an easy weekend.

I have no regrets about the surgery I had at 15. My scoliosis was bad, and there was no question that I needed surgery. My results were good, and frankly I've had fewer probelms than most. I am grateful for what modern medicine has done for me. But it is time to push forward. I probably can't make myself stand up straight again, as that seems to be beyond my immediate control and apparently a known problem caused by the particular type of surgery I had. But perhaps I can buy some time. Perhaps I can get stronger and control my pain.

Look. I did accomplish something. I walked. I cooked. I made phone calls, unresolved phone calls, but phone calls nonetheless. I looked up a bunch of articles on medical journals and through the Scoliosis Research Foundation. That did not make me happy. So now it is time to just rest and read. I think I will curl up on the sofa and read the new issue of The Gentlewoman which just arrived today.

Maybe later I'll iron or knit. Perhaps I'll hook up the grill, which also just arrived. And I just remembered what I planned on writing about today. Now that I think about it the day looks brighter already.

March 16, 2012
Inspiration Wednesday 2012.11

I've mentioned before that I used to keep inspiration notebooks filled with clippings of things that caught my eye. I still have those notebooks, and I have at least two boxes of clippings that never made it into any notebooks. Not surprisingly I am still inspired by many things that cross my path, but the keeping of clippings is more complicated now as see more and more things in email and on the web, but still also clip pages from magazines. I'm not quite sure how I am going to organize them all yet, but I have started compiling again. Do you have any ideas?

Anyway, I've started looking again, and many things captured my imagination in the last week. Some of them are things I might buy, most are things I think are lovely but would never buy, but may or may not eventually influence something I make. Some are just the starting point of an idea….. (in no particular order)

I scanned in this photo from Harper's Bazaar. I have no idea which month, I have a stack of them to get through. Blouse by 3.1 Phillip Lim. Saved because it is simple but I like the proportions and the layering of colors. This would not be such a difficult thing to make and this kind of layered look is good on me.

From the same few pages of the same issue of Bazaar I clipped several other dresses, all of which offer loads of ideas for sewing mostly classic and basic dresses with a little something extra.

In this photo I was primarily interested in the dress on the left, by Carolina Herrera, which appealed to me due to its classic shape, sophisticated color, and yes the textural interest of the band at the hip. Such a simple thing. Once I clipped the picture however I realized theat the Reed Krakoff dress was also interesting, although a bit more complicated of a cut. It is a wonderful example of a way to combine a print with color blocking in a way that both tones down the print and brightens up the simple dress. I would never buy either of these because the colors are wrong for me, but that is the nice thing about inspiration shopping. it's all about the dream and the imagining of the thing.

One more dress, this one by Gucci. Again we have the color blocking, this time with some lovely trim and a touch of metallic. The beauty of this dress is its apparent simplicity which is actually dependent on fit, quality construction and materials, restraint and a good eye. A great starting off point if one has the inclination and sewing skills, or a good seamstress. Quality will show here.

This feather print dress by Tucker was featured in a mailing from Bergdorf Goodman. I see it more as a tunic than a dress. I was not familiar with the brand and know nothing of the actual quality but they have some cute blouses that are actually meant to be blouses, as well as this tunic-dress.

Another tunic, this one by Cushnie et Ochs, clipped back in January and recently rediscovered as I was sifting through the photos ensconced on my laptop. I actually like the structure of this more than the Tucker dress, which I would never wear with the self-tie. But worn loosely the Tucker is more casual, more summery, and probably more suited to my current lifestyle.

This Choloe blouse was clipped for the eyelet detail inserted in the sleeves. Such a simple thing and yet I need to be reminded sometimes.

Speaking of blouses. This Andrew GN blouse from the fall 2012 collection is just stunning. The blouse is silk georgette. This is another great inspiration piece as far as I am concerned, although if you have the the inclination and the scratch it is available for pre-order from Moda Operandi in sizes up to a FR 50. I don't need formal or dressy clothes and if I were to indulge it would have to be something I made, being far more willing to spend my hours in hand work on something I love than in spending my cash. The skirt is cute too, described as a rayon & poly jersey, and I think a nice stable knit with some structure and drape would be lovely. I may even have a Marfy pattern in my stash that can be adapted to this style should I be so inclined.

Jonathan Saunders showed some lovely things in his fall collections, including this embroidered blouse, which I think has great potential although it is a bit boxy for me. I imagine delicate hand embroidery rather than machine embroidery and a more graceful shape. In the end my imagined blouse would be nothing like the original. But I love things with beautiful, feminine, embroidery that are cute or costumy. I'd like to save this should I ever pull out my embroidery needles again.

The same green fabric as the skirt was used in this beautiful dress. There are several princess cut dresses with full or pleated skirts and I think they are all lovely . Most are more appropriate for daywear, including a stunning red and black ombre wool dress, but this low cut version, which is more of an evening look, is the one that most caught my eye.

And while I am on the subject of evening wear. If I went out in the evening I would absolutely want to be wearing this dress by Carolina Herrera. Alas my gala evenings are a thing of the past. No inspiration here. I would not presume to even try and knock-off this dress, just let my inner diva strut around in it in my dreams.

Another dress, this one a variation on a classic theme, by Andrew GN. The dress is a knit, probably with structure. What appeals is the deep V between the breasts, so much more striking and seductive than the usual lace shoulders over a demure silhouette one usually sees. And the lace itself is stunning. If you are going out why not go all out?

Stunning fall skirt by Nina Ricci. Great idea for use of a pretty Riri zipper. I like the way the skirt is shown with the slightly boxy sweater and the matching blouse, a combination I would have put over tailored pants, but it gives the skirt an edge and makes it more wearable. I need to remember to be more bold in mixing pieces.

I clipped this Chloe add because I love the idea of the light floaty volume of these dresses. I think the style of the yellow may be more wearable, but it may be just my imagining, because when I look at the unstyled photos of models in online catalogs wearing these clothes they just look boxy and less inspiring. These dresses did remind me however of this Bottega Veneta dress that I clipped from Net a Porter back in January.

This could probably be lovely or completely unwearable depending on the fit. With its combination of knit and fabric sections I was thinking I could make a version of this that lived up to my imaginations. The more I think about it, those long narrow vertical strips look terribly boring and I might be pulling my hair out long before I'm finished. I will think about it a little longer. Surprisingly, I just checked Net a Porter and the dress is still available. Perhaps it is not as lovely as I imagine it to be, but then I'm not always a good judge of what will sell and what won't.

dress photo scanned from Bazaar magazine

dress photo scanned from Bazaar magazine

Gucci dress Harper's Bazaar magazine

Tucker blouse via bergdorfgoodman

Cushnie et Ochs via kirnazabete

Andrew Gn via Style.com

Jonathan Saunders via Style.com

Jonathan Saunders via Style.com

Carolina Herrera via Style.com

Andrew Gn via Style.com

Nina Ricci via the Emperor's Old Clothes

Chloe ad scanned from Harper's Bazaar

Bottega Veneta dress via Netaporter

March 14, 2012
A-Number-One, Yankee-Doodle-Ipsy-Pipsy

That was G's comment about dinner the other night. He amended it later to say that I should forgive him if tears ran down his cheeks but he was just enjoying his meal so much that he couldn't help himself. Pretty good, huh?

And what feast elicited such joyous rapture? It was hardly haute cuisine, but even I have to admit it was good, and by that I really mean GOOD.

I have been itching to make cheese enchiladas. Perhaps it was my trip home to visit my mom, where I do believe she mentioned her famous cheese enchiladas more than once. Perhaps it was also some little bit of cussedness that came out when I was reading Paul Fussel's Class: A Guide Through the American Status System because Tex-Mex cheese enchiladas, made with a combination of cheddar and processed cheese food (Velveeta), would definitely be non-u.

So I did make enchiladas, cheese enchiladas, but not classic Tex-Mex cheese enchiladas. Instead, I'll call them three-cheese enchiladas. In the decades since I have left Texas I have changed, and my tastes have changed, so my enchiladas, like me, were a hybrid

To begin with I didn't make traditional chile gravy. Traditional gravy is made with oil, chile powder, broth, and flour. I actually didn't know that at first. I always made my chile gravy with cornstarch, which I believe is the way I learned to make it, but perhaps it is not, perhaps that was just something I devised on my own those early years in New York when I was trying to recreate the tastes of home. Anyway, it came as quite a shock to me, years later, to learn that most Tex-Mex chile gravy was made with flour, because I never supposed it to be so, and I just assumed it was gluten-free. Truthfully however, I stopped making that kind of chile gravy long before I learned about my own gluten intolerance. By then I had read Diana Kennedy, and Rick Bayless, and started collecting Mexican cookbooks. By then I made my own chili powder, and made my chile gravy using dried chile pods in whatever blend suited my fancy, although always with a base of the Tex-Mex favorite, the ancho chile. Not surprisingly, my chile sauce started out with dried peppers, ancho and pasilla, which I toasted and pureed and cooked with broth to make a rich, slightly more complex red sauce with a nod to both the Texas tradition and its Mexican origins.

Now my memories of cheese enchiladas revolve mostly around the cheese. Perhaps these are the memories of a child, and as a child I was most fascinated by the cheese, but even so I recognize that it was the gravy and the tortilla that elevated the dish beyond just tortillas and melted cheese. Later on, as an adult I learned to love simple stacked enchiladas which were all about the combination of the tortilla and the sauce, with just a little cheese to accent the richness of the dish.

My enchiladas were a combination of these traditions. There was lots of cheese, three kinds of cheese: Velveeta, a youngish cheddar that melts well, and a fabulous Queso Anejo that I found in a local Mexcian market with its sharp salty funky goats milk flavor, pretty much combined in equal measure. But the enchiladas weren't all about the cheese. I combined the cheese with minced scallions, a couple of bunches worth, because the onions this time of year are a little tired. The tortillas absorbed the sauce, and I was generous with the sauce, so that the resulting enchiladas were a rich combination of corn, chile and cheese and scallion, with just a touch of crema that I added because the sauce came out a little spicier than I thought G would tolerate. Peppers, like people, can surprise you. You can't judge how sweet or piquant they may be just on outside appearances and have to wait until they reveal themselves.

So we had enchiladas. We still have enchiladas. A tray of enchiladas will make more than one meal for 2 people. And even though I was tired and stressed and making enchiladas takes time, I enjoyed the process. It was relaxing once the ingredients were lined up and I just moved my tortillas from through the various stages into the final dish. It was even more relaxing while they were in the oven and I sat down to rest with a glass of wine.

One day this week we will each have a single cheese enchilada for breakfast (how decadent) perhaps with Ox Eyes, which are eggs poached in salsa. Have you eaten ox eyes? I don't remember having them growing up, but I did have them when I was in college, during those summer days I was back in Texas between semesters. Oh my, I am getting hungry again just thinking about them.

March 13, 2012
exploring style through the camera’s eye

I rediscovered my clothes this past week.

Here are a few of the things I have worn over the past few days. Only the gray corduroy pants were in the suitcase I packed last December. If I had realized how long it would actually take me to get to my own things, I might have packed a little differently.

I have noticed a few things. First I still don't have a full length mirror in the house, for various reasons, and although I will eventually get at least one, at the moment it seems to suit me to not check how I look. When I had a mirror, I spent too much time wondering if something looked right. Now I can see enough to see if there is some gross fitting problem (head to mid thigh) and I can tell how my clothes feel on and that seems to be enough. I see my clothes. I think of how I would like to wear them and I put them on. I have started taking photos in lieu of the mirror, but often by the time I actually get around to looking at the photos I took, the day is over and it is too late to change anything. Although I am not always happy with the results, it seems that I fret less over my perceived imperfections becaues it is too late to do anything about it anyway. Besides, if my goal is to have a wardrobe of only clothes I love and which play well together without huge amounts of fretting on my part, this seems as good a technique for finding the winners as any.

The blouse and skirt were worn to two different choral concerts. When I wore the blouse out with the corded wrap belt I was overdressed, although I felt very casual. It was an evening concert and I took the small blue clutch (1998 or 1999) shown, only to learn that most of the audience wore jeans and fleece vests and carried big bulky daytime satchels. The picture in the bathroom mirror captures how I felt in the outfit (sleek and sinuous), the full-length photo how I actually looked, which is actually better than I had feared (not sinuous but not so bad either). For the second concert, when I wore the blouse simply tucked in with a belt. I was slightly underdressed for the audience but felt perfectly at home. I liked the simplicity and the structure, and the truth is that I could live in outfits like this, a simple blouse or sweater and skirt or tailored pants.

Running errands after church and before concert, I simiply switched out the blue skirt for the beige jeans and the pumps for flats. Truthfully I felt kind of dumpy, even before I looked at the photos, whereas I had felt very sleek and accomplished the day before wearing the same jeans with the checked tunic (one of my spring Lafayette 148NY purchases). I was surprised to see that the jeans and tunic looked better when I wore the jeans rolled up above my ankles rather than long, something I thought would make my short-for-my-height legs look even stumpier. The fact that the checked tunic is cut in an a-line rather than straight also probably helped, but I believeI could make the purple blouse work with different accessorries.

The gray outfit with the pinky-beige sweater is something I love even though tying the cardigan at my hips probably does nothing for my middle-aged tummy. Oh well, the fit my spirit anyway and spirit trumps tummy any day. These pieces have moved to the "keeper" end of the closet.

There are a few things still in boxes, primarily a few shoes and handbags. I don't have room for them on the very few shelves although I think I can accommodate them by moving knitted wool scarves and shawls and the heavier sweaters to another closet for the short term, until I at least make another pass at sorting what I have, need, love and want to keep. After that, I can do the necessary accounting and design a new closet system that will actually work with what we have, which in my case will probably always include too many shoes and sweaters.

If you want to see more posts from women who probably have much better control of their closets than I, head on over to Visible Monday.

March 12, 2012
Little Bits of Joy

A fold-down ironing board was installed in the laundry room yesterday. It wasn't the ironing board I wanted or the one the builder and I talked about and ordered. But it works and it makes me happy and that is enough.

Here are a few other things that make me happy:

Flowers that G bought me for Valentine's Day, flowers he went out and chose himself without my assistance. These are the only flowers I have had in the house that have not been nibbled by Sam the cat. No matter how much I may love flowers I do not love them enough to want to clean up cat puke. Of course this may not be the flowers so much as the fact that they are on the kitchen cabinet and Sam can't jump that high.

The pretty cherub that G inherited from his aunt. This was just supposed to be a temporary location, but I love seeing her everytime I walk through the house.

The new sofas which arrived last week and how nice they look with my teal and turquoise cushions and a lovely yellow throw. Sam is pretty cute too. Looking at this picture makes me want to go join Sam on that sofa and take a little nap.

And since I started with the ironing board, I have to admit that I loved ironing today, smoothing the fabric, reveling in the wonderful aroma of just-pressed cotton. As I ironed I was thinking about how nice it is to have this ironing board downstairs, separate from the upstairs pressing area (not yet set up) which led to thoughts of sewing and all the things I want to make. Instead of taking a nap I frittered a little time looking at new patterns on the Vogue website but I haven't ordered any yet; I haven't ordered any patterns since last summer and I don't need to order any right now. I do however think I may be ready to start unpacking fabric soon.

March 7, 2012
Midday Monday

When I was much younger I used to have nightmares in which I would find myself out in public at some even or another, where everyone was pointing at my feet and laughing. Invariably I would look down and find that I was wearing my slippers and I would wake up in a cold sweat, absolutely mortified. I outgrew that fear as well as my youthful social anxiety. Actually one of the ways I conquered my fear was by doing exactly what I dreaded most. I forgot and wore my slippers, a pair of Ugg boots, out to the grocery store. This was a long time ago, before you saw Uggs on every corner, and it was not common to see them out and about. It never occurred to me in those days that I would wear them out, just that they were warm slippers. The point was that no one noticed, or if they did, they were too polite to say anything, which is as it should be, and I stopped having nightmares.

But I still didn't wear my Uggs out in public. That was one of those things that I just didn't do. Actually it was one of those things that striving upper-middle class people like doctor's wives just didn't do and I toed the line. Until recently anyway.

I was actually thinking of wearing my Uggs out before I moved to Tennessee, but hadn't yet. When we were still living in the hotel I wore them a couple of times with jeans or a short dress and tights. They seemed a better fit, stylistically speaking, than any of the other choices I had with me. Once we were in the house they were happy to stay home while I galivanted about in loafers, clogs, my Acne boots, or the occasional Manolo. Until this weekend anyway when it was cold and windy and I had a cold as well. Warmth and comfort were desireable, and suddenly the uggs seemed perfect.

There we are, out and about on Saturday afternoon. me in my uggs, jeans, a pink striped shirt and fleece-lined Barbour jacket. G in his typical uniform of black fleece pants, gray tee, and brown fleece jacket.

Speaking of the new house, I can't believe its been 5 weeks already and I am still not completely unpacked. It seems I always over anticipate how much I can do, and then I get mad at myself for not living up to expectations no matter how unreasonable they may be. But the house, for the most part looks pulled together, and things are waiting for work that needs to be done, such as redoing a few closets, putting up bookshelves and unpacking the books and so forth. Forget about upstairs and my own creative space; it is all still boxes, although I actually have hopes of getting to it soon.

Once I wrote all this down I realized I am not that far behind schedule and that I don't give myself enough credit for having to do it all myself while at the same time trying as much as possible to maintain a sense of normalcy and routine for G. I forget that I voluntarily went from having full time live-in caregivers to having someone come in only 4 full-days a week and 2 half-days plus a couple of hours on Saturday, just to maintain a sense of routine. And those activities, spending time together, shopping, cooking, watching TV in the evenings, can constitute a full-life even without the unpacking, acquiring, assembling, and putting away that moving into a new place can require. And yes, there are days when life seems like a burden, and other days that it seems like a joy. I am learning to hold on to the joys and let the burdens slip through, although being human, that always sounds easier than it actually is, and the burdens seem to crave more than their share of attention.

So perhaps living up to expectations isn't always in our best interest. We are human. We fail. Hopefully we pick ourselves back up again, apologize to any we may have hurt in the process, and continue on. As to apologizing to ourselves, it shouldn't be necessary, although all too often it is both necessary and neglected. Something to remember when the brain turns on itself and our thoughts are consumed in self-immolation. Corny as it may sound, warm and fuzzy is often better and reality, if given a chance, may be more rewarding than keeping up appearances.

March 5, 2012
Monday Morning and a Dinosaur Weekend

Monday morning here. As you can see, I am still not back on my previous schedule, posting early as I did when I lived in the Hudson Valley. But at least I found my tripod. Unfortunately I did not manage to find it when I was wearing my fabulous new jeans, or my lovely new Lafayette 148 blouse, and I still have to figure out the light and/or buy a full-length mirror. The mirror issue may be important.

Anyway, there is not much new here: BR corduroy pants, white JCrew perfect-fit tee, blue tunic/dress. All posted before. The shoes are relatively new, picked up one day when I was running errands and my shoes, which I had been wearing all fall, decided to stretch out so that I could not keep my heels in them as I walked. Or perhaps my feet shrank, but I think that is unlikely. Anyway, I was hobbling and shuffling, and I stopped in the only shoe store in Knoxville I have found to be even passably worthwhile and bought a pair of black clogs, these black clogs, and I've been wearing them ever since.

But back to Monday. For now at least, in this kind of mixed-up world of mine, I am happy for Mondays. On Monday morning I become relatively off-duty for a whole day, after having only part-time caregivers on the weekend. This was my own choice, having the weekend with G, and also the hope of occasionally spending some if with family, including that charming grandson. But very often by Monday morning I am just tired, and more than content to sit in my office with a second cup of coffee letting my thoughts meander along. Monday morning is my time to think, to play, to read blogs, to take a breath before I resume unpacking.

And I am still unpacking: the office is still a mess, and it can drive me to distraction. But I have cleared a small corner at least, and I can turn my chair away from my computer and look out the window, which has now been cleared, along with the cheerful corner bookcase, which I finally assembled, unpacked, and populated with cookbooks this weekend.

As you can see, the books did not all fit, and the collection was substantially pared down before the move (although I probably have an equal number on my Amazon wish list). The overflow is stacked on the floor, where I am contemplating the possibility of a Sapien bookcase. But there is time. There are a good half-dozen books missing, not enough for a boxful, so I suspect they were slipped here and there into other boxes, hiding away in other rooms. I will get to them, and assess the needs for overflow shelving once the unpacking is finished. The simple truth is that I will always have an overflow of books and piles are just a fact of life, so there is no particular rush.

It was not all work and unpacking this weekend, however. Sunday we went off to an extravaganza of dinosaurs with step-daughter and grandson and had a wonderful, if exhausting, time. There were all kinds of marvelous things, with models of dinosaurs both sweet and menacing, eerie lighting, and all kinds of marvelous buttons to push, buttons that could make dino swing his head, stare you in the eyes, move his hands or his tail, or even watch dino-ribs moving in and out rhythmically as he breathed. Fascinating to a five-year old dinosaur fan. Fascinating to grandmothers too.

I would have liked to take dino-photos, but my feeble iPhone attempts are basically laughable with all kinds of odd glowing colors. Oh well. I could have gotten the feel of the place had I taken the time with my bigger camera, but then of course I would have lost that grandma time. So it is, and this is perhaps why I have never been a particularly good at the casual snapshot or the recording of family events, my personal sense that I can live the moment or photograph it, with the accompanying feeling that the photographs never quite make up for the memories lost.

February 27, 2012
Reading Rundown

The trip to Texas was successful in that I was able to completely relax and just spend time with my mom in a focused way that has happened for many years. Being the people we are, some of that time was spent companionably sitting and reading not-very-important novels. Here is a brief list of what I've been reading lately.

I did however, finish Nightwoods before I left. I thought it was an excellent novel. The main characters are really rather modest people, seemingly minor characters, the kind of people who are often overlooked or ignored, or who are just too often dismissed. But as in life there is more to each character than meets the eye, if only one is willing to take time to see what lies underneath the surface. Frazier reveals his characters, along with the setting, slowly and resonantly and you come to know them and care about some of them much in the way you would people you have met and gotten to know over time. It is a novel of character: of loss, of love, of courage. The prose can be lush or flinty as necessary, but it is never overdone. Highly recommended.

On the flight to Texas I read Diane Mott Davidson's Crunch Time, the newest in the series about the exploits of caterer Goldy Schulz. It was enjoyable enough, but it didn't seem quite as humerous in its exploits of Goldy's fellow citizens as I remember the early novels being, or perhaps I just enjoyed Goldy's comments about her fellow Episcopalians. Goldy reminded me of a Virginia Cary Hudson wanna-be, without ever quite pulling it off.

On the flight home I read Stuart Woods' Grass Roots. This was the first Will Lee novel I have read, although I have encountered Lee in several of Woods' other novels. It was actually a bit more compelling than I expected, although some parts of the story line did seem incredibly far-fetched, and I enjoyed reading it. It took me a little longer than my other weekend-reading, perhaps it was a bit more absorbing, and I finished it up yesterday afternoon. I would say it was better than most of what I have read recently from Woods, but then it is not that new, and I just noticed that it was written 20 years ago, so that may be the explanation right there, but perhaps I will read some of the other Will Lee novels when I get my next entertainment itch.

Over the weekend I indulged in even lighter fluff, fluffy birthday visit reading: Hotel Vendome and Happy Birthday by Danielle Steel. Both perfectly nice and entertaining though repetitive and predictable, mostly read in snatches here and there, and they were perfectly well suited for that.

And that leaves me with a book I actually read back in January, but never wrote about here, The Cry of the Go Away Bird by Andrea Eames. This was another book with powerfully evocative prose and I wish I had written about it earlier, when I remembered the details more clearly. It had been recommended to me as a good coming-of-age novel, and I suppose it is, but it did not really strike me very strongly in that sense, even though it is a powerful novel about a young girl whose world is being ripped apart as she is growing up. But I didn't see Elise, the main character as really growing up in this novel. She is a young girl trying to come to terms with a world she does not understand, and although that is a part of the coming-of-age theme, Elise is still a girl here, a girl with moments of profound wisdom, the kind of sharp wisdom girls have when they are on the cusp of verging into adulthood, and which they all too often loose. When Elise leaves Africa she is still in the midst of this process of trying to find understanding and she is still a girl in waiting. I do think this is one of the strengths of the novel. One gets the sense of it being a remininscense, as if it is being told by an older Elise, looking back on her younger self, looking back with yearning and sadness and love.

February 23, 2012
Texas Weekend

I'm in Dallas this morning. Well, if we are going to be picky, I am actually in Garland, which is outside of Dallas. The important thing is that I am not at home and that I have gone off, by myself, which is a big treat. By the time you are reading this, my vocal chords will have somehow subtly picked up some inaudible hum in the air and my own soft Texas twang will have somehow errupted out of the deeper recesses of memory. And I too, with the subtle shift in my voice, will also probably display a slight shift in my perceptions, a sublte alteration of being, as some basic familial patterning plays itself out and comes to the fore.

I flew in yesterday, a surprise gift to my mom, whose birthday is Monday. It has been far too long since I have been able to fly in and spend some time with her. This weekend is all about family and mother-daughter time, and I didn't bring my computer with me, although I may finally steal a few minutes here and there and catch up with blogs and email on my handy iPad. Otherwise, I'll be home on Wednesday.

How are you spending your weekend?

photo of Dallas Skyline from here.

February 18, 2012
A Little Shopping

This hasn't been the best week, and blog motivation has been seriously lacking. I think about things to post, but they all seem so frivolous at this point, and I haven't quite regained my focus, if there ever was any focus, that is. I am sure it has mostly just been in my head. G has been particularly scattered. I have been experiencing one of my periodic flare-ups of back pain and sciatica, a normal part of life for me since my 20's, and I am sure it is mostly due to a combination of stress, unpacking, heavy lifting, and not enough sleep or exercise. Already I am on the mend, but at the end of the day, when I am tired and stiff, my patience has not been up to snuff, and I tend to beat myself up about it. Hence no blogging.

But I am going to try.

I've been doing a little bit of clothes shopping. Even though I can sew, and fully intend to sew, the sewing room is nowhere near being functional and the simple truth is that I need some clothes. Several of the things that I packed in my December suitcases are too big and I haven't gotten my own things unpacked because my focus has been on keeping G's life as smooth as possible, and having the rest of the house settled and operating cleanly before I turn my attentions to myself. As I have noticed that a few things are too big, I have also begun to dread the unpacking and requisite new round of trying-on and sorting that this is going to entail. But I've needed a few things to wear, mostly basic tops that fit, and more transitional pieces as the climate in Knoxville hovers far longer in those transitional seasons than did the climate in my previous abode.

Truthfully, I was initially appalled at the shopping choices available. But I have since found a few things that I like including the standard chains: J Crew, Banana Republic, a department store that carries good jeans and sportswear brands like Ralph Lauren and Eileen Fisher. I've picked up a few things, but I can't say that any of these lines will become the basic bones of my wardrobe. That sewing machine was looking more and more tempting.

Last week however I went to a Lafayette 148 trunk show and ordered several pieces. There is a local store that carries and extensive selection, and has 3 trunk shows a year, where the entire line is available for order. Gratefully, I found that the line fits me pretty well, both in size and cut, as well as in terms of having pieces that fit my own personal view of "my style". Several pieces were ordered, including this pink dress, which I frankly think looked much better on me than on the model in this photo. I had been looking for this dress since Duchesse sent me a link to it, but had been too unsure of sizing and fit to order it online, which proved fortuitous. I had been looking at the black version, which may be more versatile, but when I saw this pink on me, there was no other choice possible.

There were several things I ordered which are not yet available on the web, things that will be arriving a bit later in the sping, including more of those cool mid-greens that seem to be so fashionable this year, and which are also so perfect for me. But there was enough to wear now and into the spring, enough to tide me over, and enough to integrate into my own things once I start sewing, and altering things I own to fit.

After all, at this point in my life I still maintain that I am not interested in making everything I wear, although I would like to make a fair amount. Pants and skirts will be high on that list as I have finally figured out the basic fit issues and why even the best RTW pants and pencil skirts don't fit and what to do about making pants and skirts that do fit. With both, it is easier to make it right from the start than to alter after the fact (though I am likely to end up dong some of that as well).

White Blouse courtesy of Lafayette 148 New York

Pink Shirt courtesy of Ralph Lauren

Pink Dress courtesy of Neiman Marcus

Gray tee courtesy of Lafayette 148 New York

February 16, 2012