Routine. Such a loaded word. Some chafe at routine, seeking a life free and unfettered, seemingly like birds on the wing. But even birds are constrained by biology, by nature, by routine. Some dig themselves deeply into routine, arming themselves against uncertainty, in hopes that if they can only organize the world enough, chaos can be kept at bay. But chaos always lurks around the corners, and there is a danger of being so thoroughly bound by routine that one cannot free oneself from the tangled thicket, even when freedom looms on the horizon.
There is of course, some middle ground as well, or at least so we hope, some level of routine that allows us to function in society, in the world we have in fact created, while still allowing us some freedom to play and perhaps to discover the world as it is. This is probably the path most of us seek, one aspect of the human struggle in fact: how we reconcile the world of our inner, free, nature, with the our outer, animal existence; how we create a world in which we feel like we are, at least in part, the shepherds and not merely the sheep.
Once I managed to maintain a consistent routine, one that could be interrupted, yes, but which was also well enough ingrained that I could return to it, a routine that allowed a modicum of background structure as threw myself into whatever fancy or project overtook my mind on any given day. And lately the opposite seems to have been true. I get a lot done, but there is no real consistency. I start a routine, some new variable is thrown in, I fall back, flounder, and start over. Perhaps this is merely part of the process, part of the transition from where I was to where I am going, wherever that may be. I'd like to hope so anyway.
There is no hope but to jump in and try again. And so I am, trying again that is, embarking on some new routine, and not really new at that, hoping to grab what works and let go of what doesn't in tiny baby steps. I'd like to find a way of starting and ending each day while letting the middles be whatever they may be, like bookends of a sort. I did it once before, although I do not presume that the present or the future will echo the past. But baby steps are good. As I watch the world sprout and bloom and fledge around me, perhaps it is time for a little blooming, sprouting, and fledging of my own.
Comments
3 responses to “New Routines?”
For completely different reasons, I’m letting go of routines that have structured my life for more than a decade. Now to allow the new ones to arise organically, without panicking in the meanwhile and forcing the process. Good to watch how you sort yours out. I like the idea of the bookends. . . .
I have wholly settled into my retirement routine now, to the point where I am loathe to have it disturbed! Funny that. I so enjoy having buddies in this phase. I agree with Frances, letting new routines arise is a pleasure.
Mine these days centers around a) writing b) going to work out twice a week and c) cooking dinner. I write in the morning (or putter in social media, edit photos, etc.) have lunch and relax/do chores, and then the end of the day is after dinner, sitting on the sofa, watching some kind of digital narrative. Not very interesting, but very satisfying.
I look forward to reading how yours develops. I was just thinking today how much mine reflects my biological clock.
Lisa, how I love this comment, and I think mine somewhat reflects my biological clock, and when my routine gets up-ended it is somehow related to my clock being upended as well. Anyway, I think I am still unsettled in many ways, and this shows up in many ways, and that I and my routines will find our own path in time.